Motivating Yourself

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Motivating Yourself !! 10.26.18

This morning I woke up at 5 am, looked at the clock and pulled the blanket back over my head. I had my sponge Bob Square Pants jammies with the feet in them and just wanted to stay in my comfy bed. I don’t wanna face today, I thought. This had become my new routine.

Know what I used to do. Get up at 5 am like a bullet, crank up the Dixie Chicks or Adele and dance around the house getting ready for work and you would think I was getting ready for the prom the way I was curling my hair and putting on the war paint. Sometimes I would even take a lap around the block for exercise. When I left my apartment in the morning, I looked like a million bucks if I do say so myself!

As Ricky Ricardo used to say, What Happened??, I’ll tell you what happened. I lost my motivation, I got lazy, lost that gusto…I have become blah! I am a grown ass woman, mommy isn’t there to tell me when to get up, so I can make my own rule, OK!

Now, I go in at 8:00 am. I live close to my work so I could seriously lie in bed till seven and shower, shampoo and dress in 20 minutes and haul my butt to work running in no make-up, hair in a pony-tail looking like I felt, BLAH! A painting with no color. I was just there.

Somewhere down the line I forgot, I Catalina, determined how I feel by my attitude, and lately my attitude stunk. I got lazy and broke my healthy routine. I needed to start doing things I didn’t want to do. So this morning at 5 am I jumped up and forced myself and went for that walk. Boy was I glad I went, cause I was greeted by that glorious beautiful sun. I don’t know where you are, but I am in California and it is beautiful here. Man I swear God was with me. Both exercise and the Sun are antidepressants, why dive into pills when you can do it naturally.

Start your day earlier in the morning, make up your mind it’s going to be a fabulous day, take that morning walk, look up in the sky and give thanks to God (if you are spiritual).

The way you start your morning will affects your day so make it like Sponge Bob Square Pants would say, a Happy Happy Joy Joy Day!

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Let it Go and Let Him Go

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Let it Go!

Isn’t it nice to have a friend for the times you break down over your broken heart and how much he hurt you and how you hurt,  and that wonderful friend tells you,”That’s right, let it all out, tell me all about it”. Problem is, YOU TOLD YOUR FRIEND ALL ABOUT IT, AND ALL THEIR FRIENDS, AND SO ON AND SO ON!

They say write about your pain, vent it out, talk about it all that is good and dandy and one heck of a good idea BUT COME ON ALREADY YOU ARE STARTING TO SOUND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD!!!!!

The past a nice place to visit but we don’t want to live there anymore! We want to “Let it go”. I used to wallow in my agony, diving deeper and deeper into my pain. Telling anyone who would listen what a horrible man my ex was. It was like a tractor digging up the ground and pulling up old bones that I had long forgotten about. I let it out for 30 years! I was letting it out to him throughout the years, letting it out to his momma, to his poppa, to my friends and if they would have let me, I would have let it out on the five 0’clock news! Don’t you think we let it out enough?  Basta! Enough!

Do you know what this wallowing does? It is keeps you in the pain. It keeps you in the past. It keeps you from being present to life now. Let the past be the past, it is time to start living! Regardless of who left who, you don’t need to live in that misery anymore. You are the navigator of your vessel, where do you want your ship to go, backwards where all that mucky pain is or forward where you a new life is waiting for you. No more relying on “him” to bring you happiness, when you are perfectly fine to do it for yourself.

So what’s it going to be captain!! Let it go! Let go of the past mama, because it will consume you and drag you down.

Wait, look over yonder…can you see it?  It’s a shiny new day waiting for you, all you have to do is LET IT GO!!!

Be Your Own Best Cheerleader!


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Be Your Own Cheerleader

Divorce, breaking up, separating, all this can do something to our self-esteem… don’t you agree?

Yeah…a year ago I was on a downward spiral going deeper and deeper not understanding why I could not find my way out of my pity potty hole.

So I went on the quest for happiness and self-esteem! I raided Barnes and Noble for every book from Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Joel Olstein, The Secret, name it go ahead name it, I bet it is on my book shelf.

Each page highlighted in yellow-green and blue. I read them from back to front and back again. Good books, I am not knocking any of them. In fact, I am here to tell you if you have the time, go out and get them and read them!!! OR. you can come to Catalina and she is going to be your Cliff Note and tell you that all these books kind of have the same message.

Getting back to the books. I refer to these books again because if you are human…not a martian…or whatever this separation is making ya feel a bit like a piece of poop isn’t it? It’s ok to admit it. One second you feel on top of the world, then you feel like crap, what did I do wrong, what could I have done different, why me, why me wah wah WAH!!!! ALRIGHT ALREADY WITH THE WAH WAHS!!

But you know what is happening don’t you, you know why you have shifted to that wah wah phase don’t you? Don’t you? You are putting yourself there! Let me explain.
1. Something bad happens to you. Your man left you.
2. Darn it hurts, makes you feel less than.
3. You keep on saying wah wah, I don’t feel so hot about myself, damn I me damn me, wah wah, negative thought negative thought.
4. You go lower and lower and lower.

Now comes the secret to the books, the Catalina Cliff notes cause she done read all them books fer you and she is gonna tell you the essence of them there books fer you so you don’t have to read all them effin books there!! NEVER PUT YOURSELF DOWN, NEVER SAY ANYTHING NEVER TO YOURSELF! Ok I’m don’t bye. Yes that is it. Think I am lying? If you start telling yourself wonderful stuff even if you don’t believe it guess what…you are going to believe it! For God’s sake give yourself a break! Damnit…yes it’s my blog I can cuss if I want, so Damn it you have been through the wringer enough, you have been in enough pain, GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK NOW!!! Be good to yourself and whisper sweet nothings to yourself.

Let me tell you. I had to catch myself at first. Oh yeah be very very observant I would drop something and I would say, damn it (remember I can cuss if I want) I would say damn it I am so stupid…Ah Ha! Bad bad! Big no no. Something simple as that will affect your self-esteem. Listen to what you are saying to yourself. When I am doing nothing and I just repeat over and over and over especially when I am going to sleep. I love myself, I love myself, I love myself.

I am not joking it took me a year and yeah now and then I still have my slips and I will do a wah wah here and there but for the most part I realized that when I self-talk…ITS ALL POSITIVE!

Listen to yourself. Seriously…What are you telling yourself about yourself. Do you put yourself down? (Sad face) I am put that there because I know you do and I don’t even know you. Ok maybe I know you but it is true we are programmed to put ourselves down without even knowing it. You have to learn to learn to love the person you are just the way you are. You are saying, yeah right! I have this I need to change that I need to change…Well guess what until you accept yourself the way you are now and love yourself it is going to be really hard to change anything. You gotta learn to be your own best cheerleader in life!

Mad at My Ex!!

Anger can make you sick and keep you sick. Work on releasing anger your resentments and your halfway home.

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Mad at My Ex!!! 2.21.13

You may say Catalina talks like life is all about peaches and orgasms…rainbows and unicorns. There are days my friend that all my pep, all my ha ha the pain away, all that positive self talk…just don’t cut it! There are some situations where forgiveness is just not something you don’t want to do. There are some days where you sadness is so deep that is just something nothing can pull you out of at this time. And rage, oh man there are times you just can’t clear that red from your eyeballs cause that is all you see no matter how much you wipe your eyes. There are days you get so mad you become like the Incredible Hulk!!

I am human, you are human, I may throw a hamper full of clothes across the room out of sheer anger!! Yeah I do that!! I am here to say that I fail a lot at my own suggestions and advice, there are times where I fail cause I just don’t give a damn cause I want to be mad at my ex and at that time I am so mad I don’t feel he deserves my forgiveness and yes I want to continue call him a piece of shit!! And we say now what! Did we just throw everything out the window. Who is Catalina to give advice on forgiveness because she just text a nasty message to her ex…YES I DID AND IT WAS MEAN AND NASTY!!! So should I put away my laptop and give up my passion for writing and realize my journey through becoming Single and Independent just took a turn off a cliff and I went off it head first and plopped down face into a pile of mud. NO!!

This is where you have just helped me help you to help me!! Ha Ha!! Its only sounds confusing. I am venting!! I was so angry over something with “him” and that anger turned into something that made me so depressed and I was in tears and then I started having negative thoughts….ALL THINGS THAT I SAY NOT TO DO!!!! I was doing and I had the tools to stop but didn’t, couldn’t at the time because they felt too strong. So I vent, call a friend, write, type, START A BLOG…but don’t be my competition…grrrr I feel myself turning green again, don’t make me mad…you won’t like me when I’m mad!!!

I continue to experience pain with my joy and am still learning. In fact this very blog I am writing right this very second is a vent because I am mad as hell and as I have reached the end….ahhhhh. I really do feel better. I don’t want it to stay inside of me because it’s like a cancer…release!! As Louise Hay quoted, we create our own experiences and I have to remind myself, fine I acted like a monster, but I don’t have to stay here for long, I could take the monster mask off and get back on track just as fast as I got there.

Was it a Happy Valentines Day?

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Was it a Happy Valentines Day?! 2.14.13

Who invented this day…yeah yeah I know there is actually history about this day, some guy wrote some letter blah blah in the old days blah blah. But come on you know some young entrepreneur – go getter – at Hallmark Cards said AHHA ANOTHER DAY TO MAKE THOSE POOR SAPS BUY MORE CARDS…

If you are in an office like I am, it’s a competition, let’s see who gets the biggest arrangement delivered to them. Come on they couldn’t have them waiting at home…why the office…TO SHOW OFF!!! I ought to show them and buy one of those wreaths they have at funerals and send it to myself for Valentines…that’ll show them…Oh this ol’ thing…oh you should see the one he bought me at home..

Well then there’s us…the divided…the alone…the single women. This is the day of depression. NO!!!! We got it all wrong sistah!! Have you looked at the Hallmark section? This day is mostly about couples but dang they now have cards to your mom, your kids, from your cat? Wow! True story I seen it from your cat!! This day is about “LOVE”!!!

My husband, without throwing stones,,,case remember we learned how to forgive…but I need to be real because it’s important to me that I get my point across…but my marriage never ever worked. Sure we exchanged cards, gifts what not but they were mechanical. We are married, it is an obligation. Spend as little money as possible because the real money had to be saved for the the appreciative people.

It became a tradition for me to have lots of Valentines. My mains ones were my two kids. The most important part of this holiday was to find the perfect card for my son to express how much I loved him. The most important part of this holiday was to find the perfect card for my daughter to express how much I loved her. I typed it exactly the same because these two people are the loves of my life. I bought chocolates for my office staff ALWAYS, little cards walking around handing them out singing happy Valentines. I send out mass emails to the friends who have been in my life through thick and thin to wish them Happy Valentines. I call my mother, my sisters, I make sure that the people that I love know on this day of LOVE…know that I love them. It doesn’t have to be about loving a man…OVERATED!!!!! Look around you…you will be amazed at how much love you have to share….SO GO SHARE IT!!!!

Breaking Rage Before it Breaks You!

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How To Break Your Rage Before It Breaks You

Anger…oh buddy.

Ok, now here is one that Catalina was plum done with, but sure nuff its head popped up again! I do reckon we need to visit it again.

That ol’ monster that lives in our belly and just sits there. Then it starts eating at you something fierce when you get really ticked off and we know who we are ticked off at right? Yuppie, that piece of shit ex!!! Whoops, I mean, your ex.

Boy that anger, rage, being pissed off at that piece of shit-no good-excuse of a bleep bleep!
Let’s move on.

I guess this is more for those of us who have been jilted, betrayed, left, hearts broken. You get the picture.

Question is how do we get past this?

First and foremost, we do not want to do anything to jeopardize our freedom like slashing tires, busting windows, assaulting anyone or destroying any property.

Even harassing phone calls are a no-no and are considered terrorist threats. No bugging him at all. In fact, let’s leave the piece of shit, I mean, the ex,  alone for now. We have some healing to do.

The longer we live in this anger, the longer we live in this anger. No I’m not sputtering. Don’t keep feeding your fire!

If you keep focusing on your anger, it will stay in the limelight, but if you focus on getting over your anger, then that is going to come on stage and push the anger off. Then that will be in the limelight!

Aha the new star of the show!!

I promise your anger will start to subside because we need to let off some steam, but you have to be patient grasshopper.  So put away those eggs, that man is not worth it, eggs are expensive right now.

Ok but if it will make you feel better we can continue to call the ex,  “piece of shit”, I dunno it kinda has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? Because for now I’m going to encourage your anger, and why not? He is a piece if shit that hurt you so he deserves it, and hey it makes me feel good saying it, so why not. Go ahead, try it…did you say it? Feels good doesn’t it. Ok, pay attention, you keep getting me off track!

Anyways, I’m sure by now you’ve said what you’ve had to say to the piece of shit till you’re blue in the face, right?

In one ear out the other, right? He’s an ass, what do you expect, right? Ok, so we are on the same page. So do we agree that going to him with our pain and anger is fruitless? Yeah, and I’m telling you now his insensitivity probably will create more anger and we don’t need that. So this is not the route we will be going.

What you need is somewhere you will not be disturbed for at least an hour.

You need lots of writing paper and a couple good writing pens.  In case one stops working. Oh by the way, go out and buy you some of those gel pens. They make for some smooth writing, just saying.  Also you will need an egg timer. I said egg “TIMER”, for the last night no toilet papering or egging of his house. Focus!

Here is your first assignment.

  1. Write why are you angry.

2.  What are the stupid, despicable, hurtful, deceitful, insensitive things he did to make you this mad. Let it flow from the pit of your stomach through your arm to

your hands out your fingers to the pen and spill out all over the paper freely. The hell with grammar, don’t stop, don’t go back to read, just write for 15 minutes.

GOOD.

3.   Now using the same method, I want you to write how his behavior, his actions made you feel, how it hurt you. Yes hurt! Forget the anger now, because before the

anger there was pain that led to it. Remember it and let it out on paper. Let it flow. GET IT OUT!!!

Done? Now you don’t think we are going to mail it to piece of shit do you? No love, this writing was a release for you only. Remember he’d use it to wipe his butt with. That’s why repeat after me, “he’s a piece of shit!”

As I said this was to get all that junk out of your head, your gut and your heart and put it on paper and symbolically remove it from you. We have to release it now, ok?

It’s the beginning of it. We can’t let that man and what he did or didn’t do continue to rule your mind and your life. We want it gone.

4.     We put our paper in a fire safe place like sink or dirt patch or barbecue and we burn it and we say good-bye anger! Now it’s time to rise above it!

5.      Ok, now this part is going to be hard to comprehend, the piece of shit will no longer be a piece of shit. He gets to have his name back.  Because guess what.

We are only at the bottom of the mountain looking up preparing for the biggest fight of all, and it’s called forgiveness.

Don’t get all huffy and let me explain. You are not forgiving him for his sake, it’s for your healing. That rage, that anger will not go away until you do.

Forgiving does not mean you condone what he did nor do you even have to tell him, this is between you and God, Buddah, your priest, or even your friends or cat, but it has to vacate your body because it’s poison. You think it is hurting him? Heck no! You are the only one suffering!

Do you want to be those bitter old women that hate men or do you want to be a woman with peace in her heart. It’s up to you. You could stop reading right now. your choice.

I promise you the gift of serenity if you follow my journey. But I promise you lots of pain and hard work with a gift at the end.  Or you can do no worries and have all that pain, bitterness, till eternity. You choose!

Oh! you’re still here..good grasshopper

Step 2.  For 2 weeks (Or for some it may take longer, some much longer, we can’t put a time table on our healing)

  1. Every morning and every night we are going to set aside some quiet time (about half an hour when no one will disturb you.  Find a peaceful place in your home with a mirror, maybe light a candle.)

2.       Sit in front of a mirror and look deep into your eyes, really look into the pupil of your eyes.

3.      Repeat after me, I completely forgive (his name his real name) for hurting me and wish him well.  Say this ten times while looking deep in to your eyes and

really really mean it.

Not feeling it?  That’s ok, do it anyways…heard the saying “fake it till you make it”…there you go.  Do this for 2 weeks…

As I mentioned before this is for you.  Anger will eat you alive, it will keep you from happiness, it will consume you.  What he did or didn’t do, it is beyond our control, LET IT GO and like I said, the only way to do this is to forgive him, not because he deserves it, but because you deserve peace in your heart, finally.

There is an old saying that goes, “Forgiveness is like letting a prisoner go free and only to discover that the prisoner was you all along”

Isn’t it time to free yourself from that anger?

Remember forgiving them doesn’t mean that you need to start hanging with them and make them part of your life. It’s a gift you are giving yourself to help you heal.

Forgiveness is the best gift you can ever give yourself….

Namaste- I think that means something about peace..

Ha Ha Ha Ha The Pain Away!!!

Ha Ha Ha Ha the Pain Away!!! 2.7.13

People always ask are you always happy…hmm how to answer. Well, me and my daughter were evicted, my husband asked me for a divorce but I can’t divorce him because my pension is in jeopardy of being garnished, I’m broke, my car is a piece of poop, BUT yeah I’m happy real happy..sometimes I get so happy I feel like I am going to bust! For reals for reals!!!

If I have learned one thing is that you control how you feel…yeah yeah I get sad, mad, jealous what not, CANCEL CANCEL!! When I have cried my heart out till there are no more tears to cry, I dry my eyes…get up and face the world like I am a new person…Voila!! Like magic! Use your tears to cleanse your soul and wash away the pain…don’t use them to run your life.

Learn to laugh, laugh at yourself, laugh at your neighbors, your boss, your friends…just laugh! It is so healthy and it makes you feel good. Rent funny movies, go on Youtube and surf for funny videos. I will make weird faces and shoot them to my friends and sit there and bust up and amuse myself. It is so important that you surround yourself with people that are positive and upbeat and jovial like you would like to be because we are catalyst and we absorb peoples energy…the last thing you want to do is absorb some negative energy. Just have fun! There is no such thing as being too silly, let that inner child come out and play…ALL THE TIME!!
I had to learn to be happy because believe me I wanted to crawl under the blanket and stay there most of the times. I had to act as if…Act as if I was happy…Act as if nothing was bothering me…Act as if I was on top of the world and guess what…slowly slowly it came to be. The happiest people don’t have the best of everything…they just make the best of everything.

I was unhappily married, damn was I going to spend the rest of my life being unhappily single???

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