The Single Woman and the Mechanic 3.7.13
It is the fear of every single woman….It is worse than being put in jail in a foreign country…worse than finding yourself on the Titanic and the last life saver has floated away leaving you on the sinking ship…it is worse than finding yourself in a jungle back against a cliff, hungry lion at your feet gnarling ready to lunge at you any second! Yes, worse than any of the above….What! The suspenseful audience asks with baited breath…YOUR CAR IS ACTING UP AND YOU FIND YOURSELF AT THE MERCY OF A ….MECHANIC!!
Oh it is true!!! The very thing that I feared most out of being single is happening to little ol’ precious, weak, damsel in distress me! The mean, vindinctive…can’t be trusted “Jiffy Lube Mechanic” is trying to swadoozle me…I think…I am pretty sure. Let me explain.
Every man, woman, probably toddler knows, ya gotta keep up the fluids on your car…especially the oil! Right! I’ve been good. I go to Jiffy Lube, wait for Crazy Wednesday when they put the $24.99 sign in the window and go and don’t listen to any of the scary stories they say that if you don’t do this your car is going to blow up in your face and so you better sign away your first born or its gonna happen. I ignore all that and say, just give me the $24.99 oil change thank you! I have done great for years!
Ok, this year the man really scared me but now I am wondering if he swadoozled me. I think they even dimmed the lights and put on the Exorcist music really really low and played it backwards…I’m not sure but I think. I was about to lift my hand and give the “No Thank You” speech but that look on his face just petrified me. I mean come on when this car goes I have no husband to fix my car, to help me buy another car. I don’t even make enough now to do anything about it. I will be without a car. I will be using the good ol’ footsies because my check goes enough just to pay bills…nothing left to barely play in Vegas…barely.
Ok, back to my macabre story…Exorcist music playing backwards in background almost in audible…I think…the man had this look …oh if you would have seen the look you would have understood. “Your car shut down a couple times on us ma’am. All the fluids were incredibly low. (he is shaking his head the whole time) It is really in bad shape. I see that you have been advised by several Jiffy Lubes of the jobs that need to be done and you have declined. Now the problem has worsened. “ I think that’s when the fog started to rise and the wolf started to howl. I can’t afford it wouldn’t come out, my $27.99 oil change was $38.99 just to add Transmission Fluid.
Now I sit here. Isn’t the package topping off all fluids. I don’t know. I don’t know anything about cars, I know make ! I can show you how to bring out the green in your eyes by the way you wear your shadow, I can tell you if you want your boobs to pop, hang upside down, pull them forward in your bra and put a little darker blush in the cleavage. Girl your boobs will be styling. BUT I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CARS!
Wait! wait wait, this war is not over! I just need to find the right mechanic again. I am reminded of the man that quoted me $450 when my car did not pass smog. I was dressed cute, he was Hispanic, like myself and I looked down and said sadly in Spanish that I could not afford this, my husband had just left me and then added…for a beautiful blonde blue eyed Caucasion woman. I had no chance of competing with her. I thanked him and slowly started to walk away. I heard. Senorita! I covered a small smile. Yup, he charged me $250, his cost. I think I will pay my little friend a visit.
Now, now, I may get feedback for this. Shovel it to me honey I can take it. I’m sorry it’s all the amo I have…So if you have a respectable mechanic I can trust that does good work…but until then…