It has taken me 30 years and I am sometimes it’s like a Spiritual-Gandi-like transformation. I am far from perfect but every now and then I see wisdom coming out of my brain. Then I turn to see a burning bush telling me, “Go now, teach your flock what you have learned.”
Ok I am babbling. We all know right from wrong to a point right:
Don’t be with a loser. (but then our inner whiney voice goes, “I can’t, I love him so….wah wah.” The righteous one would say, “Hey, dude, you are a loser, hit the road jack…and don’t you come back no mo, no mo no mo, no mo!”
Am I saying I am the “Righteous One”? Uh no! Did you hear me say, “Follow me in my white robe and kiss my toes”. No of course not, (unless you want to).
Bad, painful things are going to happen. But instead of facing this head on, we sweep it under the rug and sometimes overlook things. Like I stayed with a man that cheated and cheated. So I ask myself, was me staying there keeping me in pain. Wait, what! How could I leave? That was scary, I couldn’t leave him, I loved him…Oh, where did I hear that before?
Blamed him for all my unhappiness and for being such a cheater
Stayed as even though he beat the sh*t out of me
I felt like a nothing, a nobody
And blamed him for not making me feel better about myself
I blamed him because I felt like a big nothing. I stayed with him because who would want me. Damn I better make sure he stays with me because nobody is going to want a fat ass like me. Was it his fault? Well yeah, he was a mean son of a bitch. but let’s be real here. If I have had some good ol’ self confidence in myself I would have said, “Boy nobody cheats on this fine azz chick!” (I checked in the mirror, I am pretty fine) NEXT!!!!
It didn’t have to get so ugly. I could have left and either been on my own or with someone who saw me as for who I am, a beautiful, loving, funny woman.
So again I ask, did my ex make me feel like nothing? NO!! BECAUSE I ALREADY FELT LIKE NOTHING!! This was my issue!
If I don’t love me, how can I expect anyone to? Key issue, I have to learn to accept and LOVE me, myself and I exactly how God made me!
“Love yourself first, and everything else will fall in line…” -Lucille Ball