BEAUTIFUL STRONG WOMAN 3.19.13
I want to thank my ex for letting me go. I have learned to be alone. I have learned that being alone doesn’t mean that I have to feel lonely. Sleeping by myself is kinda a treat. Ok I sleep on a blow up mattress cause I still can’t afford a bed and yeah it does feel like I’m laying out in a pool on a floaty sometimes but it’s my floaty and I don’t need to feel a man next to me anymore. I am enough.
My daughter can leave for three days and it is ok with me, I have the apartment to myself!!! There is a sense of peace when I am by myself. I have gotten to know Catalina and I like her. Yeah she is kinda on the eccentric side, but I like that about her. She is damn interesting to know. If she weren’t me, I would love to be her friend.
I want to thank my ex for letting me go because I am a stronger person now. I used to cry at the drop of a hat. Something happened along the way and I am stronger. I can walk with my head up high because I can take care of myself after all. Yeah I know I sleep on a floaty…but let’s remember its “my” floaty! I don’t have to depend on a man to pay my bills, I don’t have to depend on a man to fix my car. I am doing it on my own. I found my own mechanic. I take it to Jiffy Lube, and I know they will try to get you to buy everything they sell and I just have to stand tall and know it is all a game cause I am a woman. I nod my head, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure ok, then I take it to the mechanic down the street from my mommys who is trustworthy and gives me a good deal AND I TRUST.
Thank you dear husband, for hurting me because you made my skin thicker, but you didn’t make my heart bitter, you just made me wiser. You made me more cautious so that now I demand to be treated with respect. You didn’t make me bitter because I want to love again, and I will, just not now because I am enjoying this thing called independence too much. I love doing what I want, when I want and not answering to anyone and am learning to be selfish and know it is ok to think “me”, “me”, “me”! I have learned that I will trust men again because I know what to not look for in a man. I have learned the caution signs. I have learned to spot a loser a mile away. I have learned that I am worthy of more than having a man like you.
But it wasn’t easy, I had to fight to feel better, I had to fight to be ok with this situation. I had to wake up at night afraid of the dark, I had to stress and worry if I can make the bills…and I still do, I had to wonder if it was me, what is wrong with me that our marriage didn’t work, what could I have done different. I had to let it consume me for a while to finally realize that there was nothing I could have done, you were done and there was nothing I could have done and most of all I had to learn to be ok with it all.
But thanks to you I am a stronger woman, I found my new passion, writing. Watch me grow…this little girl is not going to crawl in a corner and wither away…she is going to continue to grow and do things..do big things!!!
THANK YOU DEAR HUSBAND YOU HELPED MAKE ME A BEAUTIFUL STRONG WOMAN!!!
As I was writing this …. Funny thing a song came on by Kelly Clarkson…did God send this to me at the right time…did the Angels send this to me as a message…as a confirmation of everything I said. It sent shivers down my spine…I am telling you the Angels speak to me through music…you will be moved by the words in this song…