MY PENSION IS AT STAKE!!!
I am so mad I woke up at 3 a.m. out of a dead sleep and could not go back to sleep. I am so mad I thought of him and broke out into tears. I am so mad my stomach has …. What does it have? It kinda feels like NERVOUS BALL OF ANGER!! I go through one incident, I conquer it..alright maybe not conquer it but I survive it and I am smiling at the world…Even skipping again. Boom another monstrosity hits me. My divorce has not even began, it is in its beginning stages. There is so much financial wreckage my ex needs to take care of, thousands and thousands of dollars he owes that will come back to me so my divorce cannot even begin, maybe for another year. So I am bound to this man…I will continue to be his wife for who knows how long and he continues to piss me OFF!!! Wait…something in my head…a voice of reason just spoke….he continues to piss you off? Or you are allowing him to piss you off?
“If you have a resentment you want to be free of, you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their healthy, prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don’t really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don’t mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks, and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now fee compassionate and understanding and love”
My friend gave me this last night. She told me to read it three times a day, but for me to do it for 21 days. I argued. He doesn’t deserved prosperity, can I just pray for happiness for him? She said ask for all of it. And so I will!
I read my article three times and the tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt like a child having to do something I really didn’t want to do. Like being told to go to bed early cause I was being punished and I was going to miss my favorite show…The Brady Bunch…that is what I felt. I had to stop and wipe my eyes because the tears would get so thick that I couldn’t read the letters. But I read the phrase three times. Then the hard part. To pray to God and ask to give my husband happiness, prosperity and good health and to use his full name. Man I was really having a doozy of a time saying prosperity as I sat in my roach infested apartment with no bed and he was the one living in a four bedroom house. I had a hard time asking God to give him prosperity when my $70,000 pension was at jeopardy because he had committed fraud against the IRS and bills as well as assets are considered community property.
This was the reason for my resentment because everything I had worked for would likely be wiped clean because of is man and nothing could help me. I had already consulted with attorneys, CPA’s…there was nothing I could do. So I had to now pray for his prosperity?
Hands together towards my chest I began my prayer just as my friend had suggested and I said it over and over and over and over and it hurt. It hurt to ask God to help this man who had taken and taken from me and the I was sobbing as I said the words.
Tomorrow I will do it again and I will do it again because I do not want to carry this resentment because I know that I am powerless over the outcome of my situation… how does that song go…Que sera sera…what ever will be will be.
I just ask God to make my heart soft again this morning because it is so hard right now. Monetary means is just that, monetary. I have me back. Oh dear God it is my retirement but I have me. I have to get it into my thick skull that I am much more important than anything else in the world. That God will find a way to sustain me even if the worse happens to my pension…things will turn out ok at the end. My happiness and my sanity without him is what is important. Everytime I converse with him, everytime I think about losing my pension my world goes upside down and I lose everything I have worked so hard to get back. My happiness, my peace, my strength, my faith in myself. I need to continue to grow in spite of. This is just another obstacle thrown in front of me to test me and I will overcome it…breathe….