Today is a new day my lady friends, my chickadees! We are all in different stages of separation, some of us cannot fathom the thought of another man. Yeah right they can’t get the after taste of the one they just got rid of out of their mouth…eww not what I meant ladies with a dirty mind!! Then we have women who are ready to jump back on the horse and try again and we have ladies who have been on the horse and have been all over town already if you know what I mean..giddy up cowgirl! All that is fine and dandy, no one is here to mother anyone, we know ourselves, hopefully we know what is best for us and that is what brings us to this next topic…Let me put on my pretend radio and see if you know what I am talking about…go ahead close your eyes and just listen…
There it goes…hear her…ah yes the sultry powerful voice of Aretha Franklin.. “R-E-S-P-E-C-T ..RESPECT! RESPECT!!! Give it to me! Give it to me!..” That’s right sing it Aretha…and girl you better be listening to this woman sing and not Diana Ross who sings about loving men who are with other women but that is ok cause she loves him so. Ha! That will be a cold day in heck! I go for Ms. Franklin’s words!
I am not just talking about faithfulness. If that is what caused your separation whether it was you’re doing or his, let’s hope that this is a line you know your new relationship will never do to you. We are demanding much more for ourselves now ladies!
We talk about boundaries and cheating is a boundary you just don’t cross. You ever hear those women, mostly in songs and movies where the woman is whipping her hair around, one hand is on her hip, she is waving a finger in the air, saying, “That’s alright honey, he may be laying with you tonight, be he always comes back home to me!” What??? Did someone drop this woman on her head, here she is all proud like she got her a gem. Yeah he comes home to her with what, lipstick stains?, Gonohreah? What is she standing on her soap box tooting her horn about like he is some trophy for. Is that a man you want to brag about. Puleeze!!! I would be hiding behind a bush if that were my man! Ladies don’t do this ok? Rule number one, we are never to be proud when our man goes plow another woman but loves us more and comes back to our house to wash off her remains and crash…not a compliment..ok? That is our big rule! Do you need to write that down to remind you? I hope not!
What else do we have. I want to talk subtleness here. We know the big signs of disrespect, porking the lady next door, spitting in our face, punching us in the nose, running us over with his semi diesel. All big signs, doesn’t take a rocket science right? Right! Do we want a gentleman or do we want a loogie spitting cave man…how he respects is going to weed them out honey…like I said subtleness.
When I say subtleness I am talking what are your boundaries …what are you willing to put up with. You need to be real clear cut when you see this man is not a Neanderthal on the outside and he is treating you pretty decent at the beginning…Guess what! We are all on our best behavior at the beginning…You are too! But as it becomes apparent that this may be someone you may want to spend a little more time with, it is ok to be open enough with him and tell him what your boundaries are. Now I am not saying you have to pull out this big long drawn out document and start yelling out demand…1. You are not to hock loogies in my hair…no! no!
While you are having dinner, or kicking it talking. You may ask him first. “What are some boundaries you do not want crossed…(and give him a few examples so he knows what you are talking about)like calling you names…, I would like to know”.
And listen to his lines that he would not like to be crossed. What are his deal breakers. You may be pleasantly surprised that you won’t have much to worry about because his wants may match very closely to yours.
Ah Ha!! Then it’s your turn. He should say, what about you and if not you don’t ask you just nonchalantly say, “For me…” and this is where we get down to business
What are deal breakers as Dr. Phil calls them. I keep saying subtleness for a reason. I like to compare myself in temperament to June Cleaver…You all remember the series Leave it To Beaver. I don’t consider myself too sensitive. I consider myself someone who demands a lot of respect and I too give that. I don’t believe in screaming at each other, I discuss things. My children were not allowed to say the word stupid when they were growing up because I found it offensive. I throw the F bomb now and then but not often. So my boundaries are going to be much higher, you may say, whoah the poor guy that ends up with her is going to have a hard time…really? I grew up in a home where there was no yelling, cursing everything that I demand, my home was a pleasant home. My home was a place of serenity. My home was a place where nobody was hurt physically or emotionally and in the end relationships were much more harmonious! I am the kind of person that will say, please don’t raise your voice at me, there is no need to. If you are mad, walk it off and then come back and discuss (without cussing) why you are angry. That is my motto. I will do the same. I will never yell at my man, I will never disrespect my man. This is what I call subtleness. So for me a man needs to be very mindful of how he treats me if he loves me enough to want me.
But hey everyone is different. Some people are fine being called hoes and bitches when they fight, and if that doesn’t hurt them to the core like it would me, then carry on. I feel it does something to a woman’s self-esteem to be treated like that. For me these are the boundaries.
• No name calling, anything besides my birth given name when we are angry can be misconstrued as a word used to hurt me.
• Don’t raise your voice at me. Walk away if you are that angry at me. Do not return till the anger subsides then we will “talk”.
• Don’t mock, laugh or downplay me or my feelings. This is a huge one for me.
• Don’t talk down to me. Like you are the adult and I am a child. Or I am stupid and not able to understand what you are saying to me.
• Don’t ogle or comment about other women in my presence.
• Don’t push me into anything sexually I don’t want to do…just cause you are into something, doesn’t mean I am going to be into it….maybe rubber chickens are not for me too.
• Don’t make an azz in front of my peeps. How you act in front of my peeps, reflects on me and what I put up with. You could be escorted away in a very humiliating way very quickly. While we are at it, don’t treat me uncordial in any way in front of your peeps either.
Fail all advice, if I don’t feel good about myself being with you, I don’t need to be with you!
I have been to hell and back with my ex, I have put up with all the above, I have put up with the most horrible of horrible verbal and physical abuse. I am moving forward in my life, not backwards. I don’t want a repeat of my past. The first almost century of my life is gone, I won’t say wasted because it was a lesson…now let the lesson begin. Now is the time to shine and show that all that pain was not for nothing. It was to use as a stepping stone to be a better me and now I demand a better you as a partner if you want to be part of my life!!!
Heard the saying, “Treat me like an Angel and I will take you to Heaven”…Oh baby and the trip will be so sweet!!
Catalina is in the house!!!