FEELING VOID WITHOUT A MAN!!!


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Friends Fill a Man Void!!

I admit I have been feeling a void lately. Some sort of emptiness in my gut.
Symptoms?
• Maybe a little, not so much sad, I’m past that stage. More like blah!
Know what I mean? Don’t get me wrong, I can still get up in the morning
and bounce around to my happy tunes, and be happy happy joy joy! But a
blahness cloud hovers over me like a helicopter. If you are feeling it you
know what I mean. Cause it is hard to explain and if you don’t understand
you are giving me a headache trying to explain it to you cause there is no
dictionary word for it!!
• Been munching on the Snickers, Big Macs, Oreos.…Little snack here, little
snack there, here a snack, there a snack, everywhere a snack snack!!…get
the picture…
• I wake up in the morning super, super early and a friend actually asked me
if I am worrying over something. I know I have a lot to worry about, but
no I don’t feel anxious about anything, yet I can’t keep my butt in bed
past 3 a.m. and I am going to sleep late. So I am not resting well.
• Biggest of all. I have this feeling like something is lacking. I am
pacing. I feel something is missing. I can’t explain it but I can’t fill
something that is missing if I don’t know what is missing.

I AM FEELING VOID!!!!

Now I have been given a second chance in life. I call my life without my husband my second life and so far…AHHH! When the cloud lifts, ladies let me tell you, oh my God the view from up here is b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l!!!

Now there is always going to be a smart aleck that is going to say, if it is so great why you feeling so void! Always a critic, huh! I DON’T KNOW WHY OR ELSE I WOULDN’T BE ASKING THIS MYSELF!!! I am not Gandi, I am a human being, remember! Jeez!

So let’s get back on track! This void I am feeling, I have to do something about it. For one thing this snack snack here and there, well let me tell you something thing, I already gained 6 pounds and it doesn’t look like it is going to stop itself! So if I don’t want to find myself a little porker again, I better stop IT! And FAST! I should send my before and after so you gals could see what I am talking about…Snack snack here and there can do a lot of damage!

What we do with that void varies from woman to woman, some do like me…snack snack. Some do man man. Let us focus on that.

That feeling of void, I have come a far far way since I have found my independence and there is one thing I will not do again. I will not ever ever depend on no man to fill that void. My happiness will never be dependent on no man. My identity will never be dependent on no man. If I am feeling discontent the last thing I want to do is get in the habit of calling any male that I am seeing because I get dependent on him to fix how I am feeling and that is how I got myself so fixated on a man to fix me and make me feel pretty, make me feel happy, make me feel whole, make me feel like I am important, make me feel needed. All hogwash! I will definitely take myself back to the caveman days if I start doing that again.

So I go to myself to fill that void. It is all about making myself feel happier than I am feeling. It is all about getting busier than I am. Something is happening and I am being too idle. I am forgetting my spirituality. I need to look at what I am forgetting to do. Am I forgetting to be grateful in the morning? Am I forgetting to pray? Am I forgetting to dance and laugh and say affirmations that I deserve all the happiness in the world to be mine.

And what about this idle time. I do not what to call a man and expect him to fill my neediness. Yeah it is nice to spend some extra time with a male companion when I want to have fun, but there is a difference. I am feeling needy and void. This is the last time I want to call a man and ask him to spend time with him, do you know who you call to spend time with you? YOUR FRIENDS!!

THAT’S RIGHT… Your soul sisters! Through thick and thin..and you best believe that if they are ever in need of your time, you are going to do the same for them. Make some girlie girl time. My friends and I are a bit on the “tight budget” side. So I sent out an email and said, let’s do a gathering in the park, picnic style, everyone pack a brown bag and make a sandwich of your liking. The weather is getting nice. I explained my feeling of “void” and I miss them and let’s have some “girlie girl time”. Unless they rather go spend it with their “Hawty Tawty Friends” and some fancy restaurant. Everyone was keen on the idea!

Suddenly that void in the pit of my tummy started to go away. Ah ha! No man needed after all!! In the past I would run to a man to define me, redeem me, approve of me, save me, and worse of all, tell me I was ok…and when they didn’t and they didn’t…guess what…I wasn’t any of the above. So my job now is to not repeat the cycle. This is not any man’s job anymore! I take that away from him! Thank God!!! Whew…cause if I end up with some jerk again and give him that power, jeez I end up pretty screwed up! No my sisters…first we love ourselves…and we give that power to ourselves!!!

Ahhhh!! My belly is feeling pretty damn good right about now!!

One thought on “FEELING VOID WITHOUT A MAN!!!

  1. Great idea about the invitation! I liked the fact that you said you need to accept and be happy on your own. I also am proud of you saying you don’t need to depend on anyone for that good feeling. The friends are going to be there to support you! But on the other hand, when there was a husband for 13 years, I got accustomed to that everyday talk. (After 7 years alone now, you would think I would not feel that hole.) Just saying I do understand that empty void feeling. I am usually a positive person… I am thinking happy songs are what I need!

    Like

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