Setting: Recently divorced, I have been sleeping on the floor for 4 months because I can’t afford to buy a bed. I have finally been able to get a bed. After all this time ,I have a bed now! I put my sheets on it and my comfy comforter and pulled the comforter back in an inviting way and took pictures of it and put it all over Facebook.

Now all my friends could see that I have accomplished my first big step as an “independent woman”, I bought a bed!

Bed: (softly) Hey.

Me: (looking around quickly) Who said that!

Bed: (still in a sultry deep manly voice, sounding just like Barry White!!!) It’s me, your bed.

Me: Say what! Beds don’t talk!

Bed: That’s besides the point. How long has it been for you?

Me: Excuse me?

Bed: Been separated for several months, no?

Me: Maybe, but I don’t think that is any of your business. I was doing fine, my blow up mattress was comfortable!

Bed: Ha! That thing was still wet behind the ears. Didn’t know anything about making a real woman comfortable at night. I can make all your dreams come true. That’s what I’m here for.

Me: Theres is no need to throw stones, it did just fine.

Bed: Did it now? I’m here because of you, so that tells me something.

Me: (turning a crimson red) uhm…

Bed: No need to be embarrassed baby, but I like you when you’re shy. (Voice turns husky) Close the door behind you…you look very uncomfortable in your work clothes…they need to come off … all off … come to bed baby …

Me: (Looking up quickly) On one condition, (then slowly looks down, wringing hands nervously) door stays open and bra and panties stay on…I don’t want you to think I’m too fast.

Bed: So be it. Come. I’m waiting.

Scene quickly goes to the following day as the sun has arisen and I am sitting up hair tosseled, smoking a cigarette, a small smirk on my face.

Bed: Someone looks well rested.

Me: (Biting my lower lip) You can say that.

Bed: I take it you are ….pleased…

Me: (turning out my cigarette then coyly running my finger across the sheets) you can say that too.

Bed: (Voice get a little lower and a little huskier) Aren’t you going to be late for work?

Out of the corner of my eye I see that my closet is a little open and a corner of my blow up mattress is peeking out…is that a tear I see running down the side of it. I walk over and slowly close the closet door.

Me: (quietly to the blow up mattress I whisper) I’m sorry.

Me: (I jump back into bed and throw the blankets over me) I’m ready for another nap!

Bed: Oh Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  1. Alicia says:

    Oh cousin. Seems like someone has been naughty. Maybe from reading 50 Shades of Grey. 😉


  2. Joli.Amour says:

    Ill be in the same boat. No worries! So proud of you!


  3. reocochran says:

    I have a little twin bed and my daughter sleeps on an air mattress. We are wishing for nice firm mattresses. I will take the voice of Barry White or whoever that would leave me rested and really happy. You sound so happy! This was a fun post!


  4. blogventer says:

    You GO girl! 🙂


  5. Why did I hear the Taboo music playing in the back of my head while I read this?


  6. I do love my new bed!!!


  7. hotlilmess says:

    Awesome! That is beautiful!


  8. You’re a real hoot. No lie. I congratulate both you and your bed.


    1. Hey I like that compliment…haven’t hear that one yet! Thank ya’ll!!!!


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