READY TO DATE AGAIN!!!

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Are We Ready To Date

I have been focusing more and more on jumping back on the saddle (dating) because guess what, some of us feel that it is a good pain buffer. This is not for everyone. I will never ever be talking about booty call. If you feel you are-a- together kind of person that you can do a mystery man and feel good about yourself then baby you run with it. Put on those high heels and go find that different flavor of the week every night if you can and go-play! Chase that booty.

Personally, I have said it once and I will say it again, women are not wired for that type of thing. Our self-esteem will start to do a nose dive and you won’t understand why but I will tell you why, cause you are letting every Peter, Paul and Dick put their Peter, Dick and I do mean “peter” and “dick” in what you are supposed to keep sacred…your “cookie”! (My vagina is a cookie so we are going to call your vagina a cookie) It is my blog so it is my rules! But hey it’s your cookie so as you want with yours. If you want to let the men line up around the corner and take a number…carry on girlfriend…carry on!

For the rest of us who have sacred and valued “cookies”, you may be wondering where are we to meet these wonderful bachelors. Obviously if Trixie who is handing her cookie out to Peter, Paul and Dick is finding them we should have no problem. One thing to remember though, Trixie is probably not being too selective. We want selective Grade A don’t we? Maybe we had 50% ground round beef last time with a lots of gristle, we are ready for some prime rib or hey, how about some filet mignon…hmmm. Remember that commercial, beautiful blonde swaying her blonde locks, “I use Loreal, cause I’m worth it!” Well honey, sway that whole body, cause know it baby, you are worth filet mignon. If you don’t think so. Then you stop reading this right now, you are not ready to date or even look at another man cause you are going to end up with chopped liver! If you don’t think you deserve it you still need to work on you and do some healing and learn to do some loving you homework. When we don’t feel worthy of ourselves, do you know what we are going to attract? I am not talking looks here. We could attract some guy that looks like Brad Pitt and did we strike up a gold mine?

Clean up that drool ladies, I’m not done here. What if this Brad Pitt takes us home and spits loogies in our hair and calls us fat ass and beats the shit out of us and doesn’t work, while we are at it drinks a pint of whiskey every day, but hey he sure does look good. Did we strike a gold mine???? Hell to the NO!!!

If we have low self-worth, we don’t demand much respect for ourselves. We will accept being treated like poop cause we feel like poop. Now if we feel like we are queen of the Nile, hey no man better even look at us wrong, “Off with his head, dirty bastard looked at me wrong , Nobody looks at ME wrong!” So if you don’t love yourself or have self-worth …don ’t you think you need to work on that before you expect a man to feel highly of someone you don’t even care about? So no you are not ready to date.

Now it may be that you never get completely over your ex. Don’t get scared let me explain. Right now I have a healthy anger against mine, when it subsides I love him. Let me clear this up. I am not romantically in love with him, have not been in a long time, I love him like a brother. I care what happens to him. I wonder how he is, I think about how he is doing, sometimes I miss talking to him because he is familiar to me as if he were a family member. I was with him since I was 17 and wow I am 47. Excuse me, this is kinda hitting me right now, 30 years is a long time…down the toilet…ok let’s get back on track…Sorry I have ADHD…seriously I do…so my mind goes wayward sometimes…but anyways…I do get angry at him sometimes because I wish he would have wanted to do the counseling thing to save the marriage but IN ALL HONESTY HE DID ME A FAVOR BY KICKING ME TO THE CURB. And I can say that my love for him is not a romantic love anymore, it is now more like loving him as a family member because like I said, he has been part of me since I was a teenager. I am ready for dating. Yay. Now if you are going on dates and you find yourself crying on the shoulder of your date about your husband this, your husband that, or ex-husband or ex-boyfriend. Oh he did this to you and that…chances are, you are using this poor sap you are dating as a rebound…you are not ready for dating. You need some more time to heal and get over the hurt from your ex…it’s ok don’t be sad…time…it all comes with time.

Some of us ladies have been hurt, some hurt really really bad, not once twice thrice frice…you get the picture…numerous times….What once was this happy joyous loving woman full of love to give is now a brick wall who wears a bra made of steal and granny panties to match and has a permanent frown to her brow. Mention a man to her, “Ha! Those good for nothing, lazy, woman chasing, can’t trust them alone in a room with a sheep, nothing but dogs!” Bitter, bitter, bitter! Boy did they do a number on this poor woman…there are a lot of woman out there like this. If you feel that every single man out there is a cheater, is a piece of sh__t, is a liar, only wants one thing. If this is you, well honey you are not ready to date.

There are good men out there, I have met lots of them, when I put my expectations up, that is when I found them. But you have to be ready too, spiritually and emotionally healthy. There is no race, there is no clock ticking saying you have to do it by such and such time. It will come to you in God’s time. Until then we have ourselves we are loving to be with. After we have healed, we have met someone we love being in the company of… ”ourselves” so what is the rush? Enjoy yourself, enjoy your girlfriends. Girlfriends are the best gift you can give yourself. Go, go to the movies, go travel, go have wonderful food, experiment with foods you never tasted before, jump on the bus…where is it taking you…who cares…grab a friend by the arm and say let’s go on an adventure! You never know who you might meet when you least expect it!

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I DEMAND RESPECT NOW!!!

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Respect From a Man

Today is a new day my lady friends, my chickadees! We are all in different stages of separation, some of us cannot fathom the thought of another man. Yeah right they can’t get the after taste of the one they just got rid of out of their mouth…eww not what I meant ladies with a dirty mind!! Then we have women who are ready to jump back on the horse and try again and we have ladies who have been on the horse and have been all over town already if you know what I mean..giddy up cowgirl! All that is fine and dandy, no one is here to mother anyone, we know ourselves, hopefully we know what is best for us and that is what brings us to this next topic…Let me put on my pretend radio and see if you know what I am talking about…go ahead close your eyes and just listen…

There it goes…hear her…ah yes the sultry powerful voice of Aretha Franklin.. “R-E-S-P-E-C-T ..RESPECT! RESPECT!!! Give it to me! Give it to me!..” That’s right sing it Aretha…and girl you better be listening to this woman sing and not Diana Ross who sings about loving men who are with other women but that is ok cause she loves him so. Ha! That will be a cold day in heck! I go for Ms. Franklin’s words!

I am not just talking about faithfulness. If that is what caused your separation whether it was you’re doing or his, let’s hope that this is a line you know your new relationship will never do to you. We are demanding much more for ourselves now ladies!

We talk about boundaries and cheating is a boundary you just don’t cross. You ever hear those women, mostly in songs and movies where the woman is whipping her hair around, one hand is on her hip, she is waving a finger in the air, saying, “That’s alright honey, he may be laying with you tonight, be he always comes back home to me!” What??? Did someone drop this woman on her head, here she is all proud like she got her a gem. Yeah he comes home to her with what, lipstick stains?, Gonohreah? What is she standing on her soap box tooting her horn about like he is some trophy for. Is that a man you want to brag about. Puleeze!!! I would be hiding behind a bush if that were my man! Ladies don’t do this ok? Rule number one, we are never to be proud when our man goes plow another woman but loves us more and comes back to our house to wash off her remains and crash…not a compliment..ok? That is our big rule! Do you need to write that down to remind you? I hope not!

What else do we have. I want to talk subtleness here. We know the big signs of disrespect, porking the lady next door, spitting in our face, punching us in the nose, running us over with his semi diesel. All big signs, doesn’t take a rocket science right? Right! Do we want a gentleman or do we want a loogie spitting cave man…how he respects is going to weed them out honey…like I said subtleness.

When I say subtleness I am talking what are your boundaries …what are you willing to put up with. You need to be real clear cut when you see this man is not a Neanderthal on the outside and he is treating you pretty decent at the beginning…Guess what! We are all on our best behavior at the beginning…You are too! But as it becomes apparent that this may be someone you may want to spend a little more time with, it is ok to be open enough with him and tell him what your boundaries are. Now I am not saying you have to pull out this big long drawn out document and start yelling out demand…1. You are not to hock loogies in my hair…no! no!

While you are having dinner, or kicking it talking. You may ask him first. “What are some boundaries you do not want crossed…(and give him a few examples so he knows what you are talking about)like calling you names…, I would like to know”.

And listen to his lines that he would not like to be crossed. What are his deal breakers. You may be pleasantly surprised that you won’t have much to worry about because his wants may match very closely to yours.

Ah Ha!! Then it’s your turn. He should say, what about you and if not you don’t ask you just nonchalantly say, “For me…” and this is where we get down to business

What are deal breakers as Dr. Phil calls them. I keep saying subtleness for a reason. I like to compare myself in temperament to June Cleaver…You all remember the series Leave it To Beaver. I don’t consider myself too sensitive. I consider myself someone who demands a lot of respect and I too give that. I don’t believe in screaming at each other, I discuss things. My children were not allowed to say the word stupid when they were growing up because I found it offensive. I throw the F bomb now and then but not often. So my boundaries are going to be much higher, you may say, whoah the poor guy that ends up with her is going to have a hard time…really? I grew up in a home where there was no yelling, cursing everything that I demand, my home was a pleasant home. My home was a place of serenity. My home was a place where nobody was hurt physically or emotionally and in the end relationships were much more harmonious! I am the kind of person that will say, please don’t raise your voice at me, there is no need to. If you are mad, walk it off and then come back and discuss (without cussing) why you are angry. That is my motto. I will do the same. I will never yell at my man, I will never disrespect my man. This is what I call subtleness. So for me a man needs to be very mindful of how he treats me if he loves me enough to want me.

But hey everyone is different. Some people are fine being called hoes and bitches when they fight, and if that doesn’t hurt them to the core like it would me, then carry on. I feel it does something to a woman’s self-esteem to be treated like that. For me these are the boundaries.
• No name calling, anything besides my birth given name when we are angry can be misconstrued as a word used to hurt me.
• Don’t raise your voice at me. Walk away if you are that angry at me. Do not return till the anger subsides then we will “talk”.
• Don’t mock, laugh or downplay me or my feelings. This is a huge one for me.
• Don’t talk down to me. Like you are the adult and I am a child. Or I am stupid and not able to understand what you are saying to me.
• Don’t ogle or comment about other women in my presence.
• Don’t push me into anything sexually I don’t want to do…just cause you are into something, doesn’t mean I am going to be into it….maybe rubber chickens are not for me too.
• Don’t make an azz in front of my peeps. How you act in front of my peeps, reflects on me and what I put up with. You could be escorted away in a very humiliating way very quickly. While we are at it, don’t treat me uncordial in any way in front of your peeps either.

Fail all advice, if I don’t feel good about myself being with you, I don’t need to be with you!

I have been to hell and back with my ex, I have put up with all the above, I have put up with the most horrible of horrible verbal and physical abuse. I am moving forward in my life, not backwards. I don’t want a repeat of my past. The first almost century of my life is gone, I won’t say wasted because it was a lesson…now let the lesson begin. Now is the time to shine and show that all that pain was not for nothing. It was to use as a stepping stone to be a better me and now I demand a better you as a partner if you want to be part of my life!!!

Heard the saying, “Treat me like an Angel and I will take you to Heaven”…Oh baby and the trip will be so sweet!!

Catalina is in the house!!!

MY PENSION IS AT STAKE!!!

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MY PENSION IS AT STAKE!!!

I am so mad I woke up at 3 a.m. out of a dead sleep and could not go back to sleep. I am so mad I thought of him and broke out into tears. I am so mad my stomach has …. What does it have? It kinda feels like NERVOUS BALL OF ANGER!! I go through one incident, I conquer it..alright maybe not conquer it but I survive it and I am smiling at the world…Even skipping again. Boom another monstrosity hits me. My divorce has not even began, it is in its beginning stages. There is so much financial wreckage my ex needs to take care of, thousands and thousands of dollars he owes that will come back to me so my divorce cannot even begin, maybe for another year. So I am bound to this man…I will continue to be his wife for who knows how long and he continues to piss me OFF!!! Wait…something in my head…a voice of reason just spoke….he continues to piss you off? Or you are allowing him to piss you off?

“If you have a resentment you want to be free of, you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their healthy, prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don’t really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don’t mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks, and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now fee compassionate and understanding and love”

My friend gave me this last night. She told me to read it three times a day, but for me to do it for 21 days. I argued. He doesn’t deserved prosperity, can I just pray for happiness for him? She said ask for all of it. And so I will!

I read my article three times and the tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt like a child having to do something I really didn’t want to do. Like being told to go to bed early cause I was being punished and I was going to miss my favorite show…The Brady Bunch…that is what I felt. I had to stop and wipe my eyes because the tears would get so thick that I couldn’t read the letters. But I read the phrase three times. Then the hard part. To pray to God and ask to give my husband happiness, prosperity and good health and to use his full name. Man I was really having a doozy of a time saying prosperity as I sat in my roach infested apartment with no bed and he was the one living in a four bedroom house. I had a hard time asking God to give him prosperity when my $70,000 pension was at jeopardy because he had committed fraud against the IRS and bills as well as assets are considered community property.

This was the reason for my resentment because everything I had worked for would likely be wiped clean because of is man and nothing could help me. I had already consulted with attorneys, CPA’s…there was nothing I could do. So I had to now pray for his prosperity?

Hands together towards my chest I began my prayer just as my friend had suggested and I said it over and over and over and over and it hurt. It hurt to ask God to help this man who had taken and taken from me and the I was sobbing as I said the words.

Tomorrow I will do it again and I will do it again because I do not want to carry this resentment because I know that I am powerless over the outcome of my situation… how does that song go…Que sera sera…what ever will be will be.

I just ask God to make my heart soft again this morning because it is so hard right now. Monetary means is just that, monetary. I have me back. Oh dear God it is my retirement but I have me. I have to get it into my thick skull that I am much more important than anything else in the world. That God will find a way to sustain me even if the worse happens to my pension…things will turn out ok at the end. My happiness and my sanity without him is what is important. Everytime I converse with him, everytime I think about losing my pension my world goes upside down and I lose everything I have worked so hard to get back. My happiness, my peace, my strength, my faith in myself. I need to continue to grow in spite of. This is just another obstacle thrown in front of me to test me and I will overcome it…breathe….

MEET YOUR NEW STEPMOTHER!!!

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Say Hi To Your New Step Mother!

Holy Shit! Say What! Yeah most kids cuss in their heads. Alright maybe I was a rotten kid…whatever.

Has this happened already in your life…that is if you have kids, small kids. Every situation is different. Let’s look at it through different eyes. Either they are going to have to meet your ex’s new other half of yours…we are talking in the future…I don’t know the situation so I am making up my own..ok….anyways.

Chances are even if they are an adult this is going to be traumatic or horrible or depressing or awkward or all of the above. Now every now and then we have a situation where a well behaved…well adjusted best child in the world feels…golly gee …my parent sure does deserve to be happy and is well deserving of meeting someone…I sure hope they hurry up and meet a new love and I hope this is fast. Ha! Now I said every now and then…if you have one of those kids…go away you big show off this article is not for you.

Now let me get back to the parent of the more normal kids who are going to have issues, and pout , and and be pissed, and let’s just say they are going to react more normal than those goody two shoe kids…ok.

Mommy or daddy being with another person is tough. It is important that we don’t shove this new person down their throat. DO NOT AND I REPEAT, DO NOT FORCE THEM TO CALL THIS NEW PERSON MOMMY OR DADDY. LET THEM DO IT ON THEIR OWN IF THEY WANT TO!!!!

Be very prepared and prepare your new person that it is very likely that your child(ren) will be unwelcoming. In fact I would sit down and talk with your child to prepare them for that visit. If you went off and got married I guess you would introduce them sooner, but still have that talk first with your child before introducing them…boy I would love to be a fly on YOUR wall…uhm honey, mommy went to Vegas….remember that movie The Hangover?…well mommy has a new husband. Anyways….

What if you are just playing the field…you know trying on different shoes if you know what I mean…DON’T BRING EVERY TOM, DICK (AND I DO MEAN DICK) AND HARRY (LIKE A GORILLA) INTO YOUR BEDROOM!!!!! NASTY!!! Come on ladies, our kids are our future…we need their respect…they are watching us and absorbing everything they learn from us like little sponge. Let’s not screw them up, which is exactly what we will be doing!!!!

So if you are dating around, which hey girl, more power to you…stay safe…if you are going to be more than just holding hands…more than just kissing lips…more than…you know where I am going please don’t make me say it..Ok I will say it…If you are going to be doing the Humpty Dump…make him wear a condom!!!! Ever get bored…look up “Blue Waffle Disease” there is some nasty stuff out there…unless you have a portable S.T.D. kit with you, tell him wrap it up please!

Why do I always get off track…that is ok, S.T.D.’s are important. If you are dating around, no need to introduce them to your kids. If it is one of 100, keep them on the low low.

If meet Mr. special and become exclusive with a special Mr. special. And man you really like him and man you really want him to come to dinner and meet your kids. Talk to your kids. Do they even want to meet him? If they don’t want to meet him, do you want to make that dinner party where you make your wonderful beef stroganoff and you are all dolled up and Mr. special comes in his best Sunday suit with daffodils and Legos for the kids and your kids are going to throw those Legos straight in his face cause they said they don’t want to meet him! Now I don’t know about you but I respect my children’s feelings. My opinion, I respect my children’s opinion very much too.

Give them some time, maybe have him stop by real quick IN THE FUTURE. Stay a little longer. Give them time to get used to this man that is probably boinging their mom…Yeah some kids think like that and that is why they don’t want to accept a new man in their mommy’s life. Eww what a pig, they think.

Let’s return to getting used to your ex’s new other half. I know what you are thinking. I bet you are doing everything you can to make her a monster to your kids…don’t lie! Course you are and that is normal. I am going to spread MY stuff out there…when my ex had a new woman. She had this huge tumor….I am talking huge on the side of her face. This tumor was so huge it pulled her whole mouth to the left part of her face and it looked like she was talking out of her left cheek…No lie…True story. Oh man did I have a field day with this. I would tell my 9 year old daughter…she is a monster. I would mock this woman to my daughter and tell my daughter that she was part monster. My daughter would tell me, “Mommy I’m afraid when she talks to me, she looks like a monster.” I loved it!! Ha Ha I would call my ex and tell him, you know your new girlfriends face is scaring the kids, you need to do something about it…LMAO!!!! OH I LOVED IT!!!! Alright this is getting out of control I am laughing out of control on my side and this is not cool, we should not be doing this. This is a new me and I do not condone it OK….but it was funny! WAS!

Let’s talk about hating on a girlfriend…yup people get the popcorn out I am spreading my stuff out there again. When my dad started dating after he and my mom split up…oh how I hated on her. I used to call her dogface behind her back. She was a very short lady and we went to the beach one time and I took her into the water and coherced her to go in deep, she didn’t realize that the waves were going to make the water way deeper and then I went in to shore leaving her at the mercy of the huge wave that almost drowned her. Don’t call me the devils spawning, I was a child, I was only 9! I really didn’t want her to die. No she didn’t die, she was able to drag herself out of there…she was fine. But see I was feeling a certain loyalty to my mom by being mean to her. I couldn’t like her, oh no that would hurt mom. I would feel guilty if I wasn’t mean to her, how terrible is that. Kid’s should not have to carry that burden. This is about the parents, not the kids.

If you feel you need to have your children on your side against your ex, then you need to work on you. That is just plain selfish. These are your children, get a friend if you want to talk trash about your ex, don’t do it to your children. It doesn’t matter what he did, it is still their dad and you need to keep your relationship separate from theirs. You want emotionally healthy kids…right?

Ok so we need preparation. What are you going to do when little Jill comes home and says, “Mommy guess what, daddy’s new girlfriend and I went to the beauty shop and we both got our nails done see how pretty my nails are.” Oh boy this is a doozy! Your baby bonded with the enemy. Now what.

A. Do you grab the nail polish remover and remove it screeching that only hussies wear
nail polish!
B. Pick up the phone calling “that woman” screaming you would appreciate that she ask you
permission before she assumes that your daughter is old enough to wear nail polish.
C. Tell her it looks nice and if bothered say you have a bad bout of diahreah and need to
run to the john and quietly weep there.

Maybe it doesn’t bother you and you can say that is nice and go along with what you are going, but if it bothers you, I would advise C. If your child is following you around at your heels and talking nonstop and we did this, and we did that, and she did this, oh and guess what. Ok the kid needs to be quieted down. That is when we need to quiet the little boogar and calmly be honest telling him/her that it hurts mommy to hear what you are saying so let’s not share these stories anymore…instead let’s read books. And distract your child with something else.
It is all about time. Oh buddy do I know about the pain of this and there is nothing you can do except remember that good ol’ phrase…and this too shall pass.

BEAUTIFUL STRONG WOMEN!!

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BEAUTIFUL STRONG WOMAN 3.19.13

I want to thank my ex for letting me go. I have learned to be alone. I have learned that being alone doesn’t mean that I have to feel lonely. Sleeping by myself is kinda a treat. Ok I sleep on a blow up mattress cause I still can’t afford a bed and yeah it does feel like I’m laying out in a pool on a floaty sometimes but it’s my floaty and I don’t need to feel a man next to me anymore. I am enough.

My daughter can leave for three days and it is ok with me, I have the apartment to myself!!! There is a sense of peace when I am by myself. I have gotten to know Catalina and I like her. Yeah she is kinda on the eccentric side, but I like that about her. She is damn interesting to know. If she weren’t me, I would love to be her friend.

I want to thank my ex for letting me go because I am a stronger person now. I used to cry at the drop of a hat. Something happened along the way and I am stronger. I can walk with my head up high because I can take care of myself after all. Yeah I know I sleep on a floaty…but let’s remember its “my” floaty! I don’t have to depend on a man to pay my bills, I don’t have to depend on a man to fix my car. I am doing it on my own. I found my own mechanic. I take it to Jiffy Lube, and I know they will try to get you to buy everything they sell and I just have to stand tall and know it is all a game cause I am a woman. I nod my head, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure ok, then I take it to the mechanic down the street from my mommys who is trustworthy and gives me a good deal AND I TRUST.

Thank you dear husband, for hurting me because you made my skin thicker, but you didn’t make my heart bitter, you just made me wiser. You made me more cautious so that now I demand to be treated with respect. You didn’t make me bitter because I want to love again, and I will, just not now because I am enjoying this thing called independence too much. I love doing what I want, when I want and not answering to anyone and am learning to be selfish and know it is ok to think “me”, “me”, “me”! I have learned that I will trust men again because I know what to not look for in a man. I have learned the caution signs. I have learned to spot a loser a mile away. I have learned that I am worthy of more than having a man like you.

But it wasn’t easy, I had to fight to feel better, I had to fight to be ok with this situation. I had to wake up at night afraid of the dark, I had to stress and worry if I can make the bills…and I still do, I had to wonder if it was me, what is wrong with me that our marriage didn’t work, what could I have done different. I had to let it consume me for a while to finally realize that there was nothing I could have done, you were done and there was nothing I could have done and most of all I had to learn to be ok with it all.

But thanks to you I am a stronger woman, I found my new passion, writing. Watch me grow…this little girl is not going to crawl in a corner and wither away…she is going to continue to grow and do things..do big things!!!

THANK YOU DEAR HUSBAND YOU HELPED MAKE ME A BEAUTIFUL STRONG WOMAN!!!

As I was writing this …. Funny thing a song came on by Kelly Clarkson…did God send this to me at the right time…did the Angels send this to me as a message…as a confirmation of everything I said. It sent shivers down my spine…I am telling you the Angels speak to me through music…you will be moved by the words in this song…

SPYING ON YOUR EX!!!

 

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Imagine if you will, a woman wearing an all-black cat suit, hair pulled back tight in a long pony tail. She is prowling in the late night…the music to Mission Impossible is playing in the background. She jumps up and crawls out the window of a tall building then creeps up to higher window and secretly comes to a room where a man is caressing the face of another woman.

 

Continue reading “SPYING ON YOUR EX!!!”

MY MAN MADE ME FEEL LIKE NOTHING!!!

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It has taken me 30 years and I am sometimes it’s like a Spiritual-Gandi-like transformation. I am far from perfect but every now and then I see wisdom coming out of my brain. Then I turn to see a burning bush telling me, “Go now, teach your flock what you have learned.”

Continue reading “MY MAN MADE ME FEEL LIKE NOTHING!!!”