HOW DID I DESTROY MY MARRIAGE?
I had an interesting post today, but I had been thinking about it also. What was my part in the deterioration of my marriage. You know what they say, it takes two to tango. Like I said previously, I cleanse myself of my sins because I said I would go to counseling to work on whatever I needed to work on to save the marriage and he wouldn’t so hey I was in the right and he was in the wrong in my eyes.
For real, for real, if you ask me, I feel innocent in this. I could be wrong. I probably am wrong, but I feel innocent and that is where I need to sit and reflect on what happened. My husband and I can sit and talk about anything and we can be civil until…we bring up what went wrong with the marriage. My fangs come out and I see red. Right away I start out, well you this and you that and he starts, well why can’t you see your part in this. My part? My part. If I were to call him and say, husband (I am keeping names out to keep the guilty innocent) here is your chance to talk…what WAS my part. Could he put his finger on it and express it into words? I wonder. Men have short memories or worse, not all men, but many, have trouble articulating feelings into words. He would not know what to say and would get frustrated and start raising his voice saying I was just trying to start an argument and he doesn’t want to argue and would remove himself from me….far far away from me.
The only way that I am going to know my part in the dissolution of my marriage is to do some hard core soul searching. That is my next assignment and believe me you will be taken along for the ride on Catalina’s magical Toad Ride!
Question: How did Catalina contribute to the deterioration of her marriage?
Can I Be Amazing After 50? 
Perhaps the toad will turn into a prince and your assignment has only just begun my dear!! Good luck and may you enjoy every assignment life brings you and include us nosey peeps on your magical ride! ((HUGS))
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Hugs to you too dear
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I don’t know names and that’s OK. I see how hard it is to clean up the milk after it is spilled. The introspection will be good for you. It helps you see which way to go and which way to think. Study deeply and become a better woman in the process.
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Yes because I guess in the long run it will run into the next relationship and that is not good. I need to really think about this but it will be interesting to get his input.
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Sometimes it is not about you did to contribute to the break down of the relationship, as in.. I drank too much, I went out with my girlfriends too often, I came home late, I swore at him, I didn’t keep a clean home, cook his food, meet his sexual needs etc etc… while all those things could have happened an only you will know, but more than that, sometimes you didn’t DO anything wrong.
But what was wrong, was that from the very beginning there were no boundaries and you accepted being hurt, used and abused and finally when you had enough and said so… it brought about the wrong reaction on his part.
Of course it takes two… but often your part is accepting the BS and not respecting yourself…. do you think that could perhaps be true ? ;o)
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Wait a second….who are you…I like what you say! Somebody give Caryl a microphone!! Say it again!! In fact can I take you to my ex and say it to him…jk. So true…crying over what is done..whats done is done…we learn. I didn’t have boundries…I allowed myself to be a doormat..for reals for reals…I forced a man to be with somebody he didn’t want to be with and that made him very mad…very very mad…and that was my fault. I should have let him go. It is a new day, I am sure he is happier, I know I am. And I have to live for today and if somebody doesn’t want to be with me, let them go. so important.
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I cannot say too much, I have a lot of bad choices on my part. But I can say that when I had an unfaithful ex-husband I realized that if he chose to leave, it is not to be taken personally. I did recently read this again years later. If there was a space between him and me, I did not know it. He felt like he was not the center of my universe but a lot of young mothers cannot divide their time. So, bottom line, placing blame does no one any good! Be happy, you are free!!
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THank you!!!
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i love your mind-searching. Its good for everyone. thanks for liking my post @ http://justmikemon.wordpress.com/2013/03/24/handling-outsider-involvement-in-marriages/ 🙂
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Bravo!!! I was just thinking of you and was just going to leave a comment to ask how you were today.
Why do you see red when he starts talking about the deterioration? I was trying to think I’m sure on more than one occasion when my ex would point out my short comings I’d see red and throw his right back at him. Instead of listening.
There is a verse in the bible about constructive criticism and that we should listen and learn from it rather than get angry.
Yeah Trust me easier said than done. Anyway sorry I have written a book here. Congratulations!!!!!!!
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Oh and I LOVE what Cheryl said above!!! That’s sooo true. I never had boundaries! That was my biggest contribution. But this is YOUR story! And your Doug a great job. I wasnt meaning that your a bad person or anything like that btw. It’s just that I firmly believe the blame never lies with only one person. And I’ll stick to my guns on that one. Sorry.
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This is why my blogging has become the best therapy I have ever had, because of the insight I have from so many beautiful people.. please insight more more more!! I can never get enough of it!!
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Some wise old once said, ‘it is only when we take responsibility for everything in our lives that we gain the power to change things.’ So as you go on your adventures within, just be sure you’re doing it for you. Not to cast blame left NOR right but only to see who you were before your marriage, who you became during your marriage, who you are now and who you would like to be. Then take full responsible for the misaligned boundaries…take a deep breath, celebrate the fact that you are STILL here with a sound mind and an ability to go on…and then, go on!
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Wow Divine, that is simply Divine, please follow me, not because I am vain, but because I like you and feel something remarkable about you….
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Thank you
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