What did I do…I was at a party yesterday and I was reminded of the humiliating things I used to do to try to make my husband stay with me. I was humiliated because it was being told in front of many people including my son and his girlfriend. I won’t mention what was said because it was quite embarrassing. I went to many lengths, but I will share that he said in front of the group, Cathy, you were always crying crying crying….where is he…where is he…I wanted to dig a hole and climb into it. Imagine that was nothing nothing nothing compared to what else was said…Some pretty bad things were shared of how I used to be.

I had the entire night to think about then and now and early this morning I sat with my cup of coffee listening to my jammin’ tunes with my kitty as I usually do still with the memories of how horrible my life used to be with this man. I could not control myself. I picked up my phone and I sent a text. I mentioned what was said, about what I used to do to try to get his attention, his love that would always result in just rejection and I added, “Now I know what a relationship is and I’m not begging for attention, begging for love…no more rejection for me, that is all I ever wanted in life.”

Was I wrong to send this? I really don’t know. But in my heart it was so important that the person I was seeing didn’t make me feel like I was over-clingy if I wanted to hold their hand or get a kiss. All along I thought there was something wrong with me and he made it seem like there was something wrong with me and I felt repulsive because my own husband couldn’t get close to me. I would rub his arm and it would give him the heeby jeebys. I remember I had to fight the urge to hug my own husband, and yearning all the time to be held and that never came. I was starving for love and it never came. I labeled myself codependent, I question if I am even that anymore.

Go figure, there would be somebody out there that would tell me, hey you are too far, come sit a little closer. Wow!.

Did I do the wrong thing telling him this? Did I need to hurt him needlessly by rubbing it in his face that I have a new relationship that is giving him everything that he could not, or am I showing him that my needs were not out of this world and outlandish and he really needs to check himself. I don’t know. I think it had to do a lot with how much he has hurt me all these years from all the rejection he gave me and yeah I was rubbing it in his face that, guess what, I am loveable after all. So take that. I know it isn’t so grown up to do, let’s just call it a part of closure for me. It is part of me moving on and completely severing my ties with my old life with him. Happy Anniversary Baby!!


  1. Way to go, Jeanne Marie


  2. janineyork says:

    You were reminded of the pain that you were put through and how he made you feel. You realized that it was him that was dysfunctional and you were just reacting to his treatment of you and it was perfectly sane to feel the way you felt. It is also natural to want to let him know that you are now being appreciated. I would say be careful though as men are pretty simple creatures usually, and it will probably create a reaction that you may not wish to deal with. In my experience it has triggered the begging back once they realize there is another man. When I am truly done, that is just unwanted and painful. It may feel good for a little while but when they keep it up it can wear you down and bring back the old “fantasy thoughts” that kept you there. I know it is hard to resist, but in my experience I keep the contact to a minimum until I am firm in my decision. Even though I do love the spunk in getting in the jab haha! It does show that you are getting your self esteem back. Good luck with the new guy who treats you the way you deserve. Peace and love, Janine


    1. I know Janine…I will be the first to admit there was the Ha Ha nani nani nani factor in my reason for doing it


  3. Christina says:

    way to go is what I say. My ex was the same way. At one point he even told me to quit saying that I loved him so much. Sigh. The things we accept from others blows sometimes. How is that Love? For me, Im on a hiatus from relationships, Im looking in one direction and that is up. Ive set my sights on God and if someone comes along then so be it, but in finding Christ, I no longer NEED a man to love me. And I know what a good relationship should look like and what it should be. Just me. Good Luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You brought tears to my eyes…you always do..thank you


      1. Christina says:

        I’m sorry I don’t mean to make you cry! It’s just my experience. When I think about a relationship I hear ” I have stuff”. And I do I want to go to school and serve my community and serve God. I think I am meant to learn about love and humility before I can serve a husband. There is a lot of healing to do still. Chin up and look up. Seek out God and not men. The rest will fall into place.


    2. You are a beautiful strong woman, you know this right…you have a healing factor that I don’t have…I fix on men. In order to not feel the pain of one, I go to the next and all is well…no pain. I have been through so much of it that I am afraid of it, it takes me to dark places I don’t want to revisit, but this break up is for real this time and I realize that this time I should have let there be a break…I cry because you are beautiful…your strength…your soul…your wisdom…our pain gets us there and that is what is happening by you being alone and being with God alone


      1. Christina says:

        Hun let me tell you a secret. This has been a year of healing. I tried pills therapy and yes I’m ashamed to admit it men and sex. Sex was my cure all. Unfortunately It didnt make me feel good afterwards. I know the right man who complements me is out there. God loves you too! And if you let him he will heal you too!!! That’s the grace of God! There is a post in my blog about the proverbs 31 woman. There is a YouTube video called I will wait. When I start feeling lonely or like I want to go jump in bed with a man I listen to it. ( yes I still have those urges a lot and struggle with it) it helps me a lot! I am here if you need to talk. Just vent and get the stuff out. The tears and bad feelings. I know my life was such a roller coaster for about 7 or 8 months after my split from my husband. It is a very long healing process.


          1. Christina says:

            I think the biggest thing to know is you are not alone. You are so very welcome


  4. hotlilmess says:

    You.Rock. ❤


    1. As you do my love!


  5. There is a post card in Post marks at Episode 10 part 2’s flat tire… 🙂 for you and it includes what my opinion is about your text… You’ll love it!


    1. Oh my! It is a really scary site, I don’t quite understand how to manuever throught it or how it pertains to me. Vampires and children with needle teeth.


      1. Lol. Well, this is more or less a soap opera spin off of a book series. There are trailers for the site and the books on New YouTube Trailers, and ones for each specific book on the links up top.

        Then there’s the reading in the posts, and the links for the book it all stems from. I hope that helped with the navagational part.

        I’m sorry it came off as scary!

        We dropped by during our vampire road trip a while back and are now posting a ‘post card’ that we liked your site and why. Please see our ‘I Wanna Go’ page if to see a little more about what we are doing.




  6. reocochran says:

    Nothing wrong in being honest! I have done this a few times! It really is okay but now, starting to feel after a few years away from my ex, that it is none of his business how happy I am! I am so happy someone wants to be close to you because you seem very lovable to me, dear!


  7. Thank you, he is loveable, he is affectionate and dotes on me. Feels wonderful!


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