Lately I have been noticing my heart rate seeming a little harder. You know like when you are hiding under your bed with a bloody knife in your hand and Freddy Krueger is slowly walks in the room…you see his feet…you dare not even breathe cause he might hear you and you think…oh my…my heart is beating so loud he might hear it and catch me…alright so I am going a little over board…alright a lot over board but I wanted to give you guys the full effect of what I am talking about.

The ol’ ticker is just ticking a little too hard and fast, yikes…you know…I may look like a hot mamacita…but I’m getting up there in age…closing in on 50 within 2 ½ years. People die of heart attacks around that age don’t they? Don’t you start carrying your AARP card around that age…this is serious stuff man…I may have to trade in my skinny jeans for some up to my rib cage polyester pants from K-Mart. But back to my ticker…

I got a little worried so I made an appointment with my doctor and expected to hear, clogged arteries, need triple bypass, pace maker…start shopping around for a good convalescent home. Instead she said, except for my controlled blood pressure I was healthy as a horse, cholesterol perfect, sugar perfect…even my body mass index was good! Go figure!

So then what is it Doctor, I asked. That’s when she asked if there has been any stressful events in my life…HELLO!! Where do I start…do you have a few hours…doctor grab a chair and start a pot of coffee!! Yeah but I have everything under control…I am cool as a cucumber Catalina!
Able to climb inflation with a single bounce, can stop a conniving lying mechanic with one hand…what is the saying…I’m nobody’s princes…I’m the queen…I take care of myself!

Well evidently somebody forgot to tell my body because I have anxiety and stress and it is affecting me, yeah I have trouble sleeping, eating, I feel nervous, ok ok to all the above.

So she tells me she would like me to try this medication for a short time just a short time. Hmmm. Fine…Let’s do it…Wait..will it make me gain weight…note to self, get to work and google this med and find out the side effects…wait till you hear this…yikes!!

Doesn’t make you gain weight at all. This is a very popular, non-addicting medication given for anxiety but MORE FOR PATIENTS WHO HAVE LOST THEIR SEX DRIVE!!! IT INCREASES YOUR LIBIDO!!! Woo Hoo! Enough about that…this delve into this deeper.

Catalina is wearing a sad face because she is dealing with anxiety. I don’t want that label. Hell I’m sitting here thinking I’m a fool for blasting this to the cyber world, Hey cyber world, I’m not fine after all, I’m suffering from “anxiety”! How pathetic is that! How humiliating crawl in a hole and never look at me in the face again embarrassing is that! But I chose to blast myself because if I hadn’t done so much work on healing on myself, spiritually, I wouldn’t realize that this is absolutely normal. I mean if I think about it I was the kind of person that didn’t allow myself to shed too many tears AT ALL. I didn’t skip a beat at work, carried on with my life, didn’t beg, I was like whatever dude, I don’t care don’t let the door hit you on the azz! I think I did a lot of stuffing and it came out in other ways…ANXIETY.

The pill is not the answer either, for now it is something I will take to get Freddy Krueger to stop chasing me, but I need to learn more about dealing with it and I will share my progress with it.

Now what I have been reading up on what people have been saying about their experiences with this med I am taking, my sex drive is off the hook, my husband won’t leave me alone….
Oh dear!! What am I going to do now????? Stay tuned,,,,my topics my change and get a little wild after this!!!


  1. addercatter says:

    So… what is this med if you don’t mind me asking. Because I have anxiety and the med I take does nothing for my sex life… Kat


    1. Busbar is the generic…Buspirone is the actual medication..and it is nonaddicting unlike the benzoids like Xanax, Ativan and others. Only reason I agreed to it. I researched, only side effect is a little dizzy which actually is very tolerable.


  2. blogventer says:

    It’s good you’ve acknowledged the physical effects of anxiety and stress, and that you’re dealing with them. There’s no shame in taking meds, temporarily, to be able to cope with this tremendous upheaval in your life. Good sleep is a HUGE step toward healing! Hugs, Catalina. 🙂


    1. Oh Yeah!!! I love my sleep!!!


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