ALL BY MYSELF…

ALL BY MYSELF…

As I lay in my new room at my mother’s I can’t escape the heat
My growing belly probably makes me a portable oven
I peer over at my little one who is fast asleep

My mind continues to try to return to yesterday and the pain
Not today, I shake my head vigorously as if my thoughts will go away
Yesterday will break me down, and shatter my soul, not today

A flash comes without my control of them together but I shake it away
Not today, I must be strong, I must be strong today
I feel my unborn baby start to twist and turn a little too much

That fan, why did that fan get so loud, I look at my little one
How does it not wake her, it is so deafening and loud
Make it stop, why is it doing this

Then the beating of my heart speeds up and gets so very loud
For sure this will wake her, my hands fly up to cup my ears
But my child doesn’t bat an eye

Then all at once it all comes crashing down
I roll over into a fetal position and the shuddering sobs let out
I realized I had to do this all by myself

“Mommy cry?” my baby girl’s concerned voice struck me at the core
I wiped my face and jumped up quick
“Not no more!” she squealed as I grabbed her toes

 
I watched as my girl laughed and kicked
while the unborn kicked me from inside
My future didn’t seem so lonely anymore