As I lay in my new room at my mother’s I can’t escape the heat
My growing belly probably makes me a portable oven
I peer over at my little one who is fast asleep

My mind continues to try to return to yesterday and the pain
Not today, I shake my head vigorously as if my thoughts will go away
Yesterday will break me down, and shatter my soul, not today

A flash comes without my control of them together but I shake it away
Not today, I must be strong, I must be strong
I feel my unborn baby start to twist and turn a little too much

The fan, why did the fan all of a sudden get so loud, I look at my little one
How does it not wake her, it is so deafening and loud
Make it stop, why is it doing this

Then the beating of my heart starts beating louder and louder so loud
For sure this will wake her, I cover my ears too loud for me
But my child doesn’t move or flinch

Then all at once it all comes crashing down on me
I roll over into a fetal position and the shuddering sobs let out
I realized I had to do this all by myself…

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