Would I rather have unhappiness and material things…meaning being in an unhappy marriage but having the money to freely buy whatever I wanted. Or live in poverty and be happy by leaving my marriage…Of course my spirit has been lifted since my departure from that miserable marriage.

Now….(Big sigh)ho hum…I live in California and in education, I don’t know what is going on in other states but we are being hit horribly. California’s economy is rising so fast it will make your head spin, gas, groceries… everything, yet funding for education is being cut horribly. I can barely keep up. So financially I am not doing good at all, I am in a pool and the water is barely at the holes of my nose…Ha Ha! And the water keeps going up my nose and I keep having to sneeze it out! Damn wah! Boo Hoo! I’m broke… I know people in Somalia would consider me a millionaire and I don’t want to sound ungrateful, it is about being grateful with what you have…ok let me tell you cause it’s one of those days…

I just got paid, this check goes to pay rent, phone and my credit card that was maxed out in order to buy all the things we needed because when my daughter and I moved in our apartment we had nothing…I am talking even things like spoons, plates…you can imagine…the bill is up there…this is my life now…no nothing after this. I fill up my tank buy a little groceries and pocket a couple $20s in case a birthday comes …oil change…this is my life now…I said…THIS IS MY LIFE NOW!!!

It’s Saturday, I was thinking I would like to Denny’s and have pancakes, no, not in the budget, I was thinking I would like to go to the movies with my mom, no, it’s not in the budget, it’s getting hotter, I was looking on Facebook and they had these summer dresses….oh man they are so cute for $16.99…I would look so hot in them…I would turn heads in this dress!…NO NOT IN THE BUDGET!!!

Do I need to resort to standing on Hollywood and Vine? I have a commitment once sometimes twice a month on the weekends, so I can’t work on weekends and I surely am not going to work all day during the week and then go to work at night…so I guess it is about being grateful with what I have. Man but I remember about the days of going to DSW and just picking out the cutest stillettos and buying them, Jessica Simpson and John Madden were my favorites and I would name my shoes, favorites are my Bob Marley…because they are the color of the Jamaican flag…

Talk about small miracles…my daughter just called and asked me if I wanted to walk around the Farmers Market swap meet. I need vegetables, I get to bond with my daughter, I get some exercise cause I will be walking….it’s going to be a cool Saturday after all!!


  1. Pat Yancey says:

    I completely understand the financial situation when you leave a marriage (or rather when he leaves you). Been there, done that. And yes a budget is extremely important. But also you have to budget to buy something special for self at least every 3 to 4 months so that you are not depriving yourself of small pleasures. Save any change you have left over and put it in a jar. You’ll see it add up over time. I had over $200 in change when I got into a financial bind just recently and boy was I glad I had it.

    It is hard at first, but once you can budget things and see the light at the tunnel of the rainbow, then it isn’t so bad. The days will fly by and you’ll think, wow I made it! And I no longer think of that S.O.A.B. My life is back on track and I’m stronger now. It took me 5 years to divorce my 1st husband. I just wanted him to suffer, but in the end it made no difference. I was still me and I still lived.

    For recreation I go to the $2 movies or I get movies from the library (yes they have movie rentals). Popcorn at the dollar store with some crystal light tea (yeah they have it at the dollar store also) and have a movie night. Invite some friends over and celebrate life. Wait you do have a VCR or a DVD player right? At the thrift store you can get one of these. I usually celebrate with just me and my cat, Chako.

    So all is not lost in not having any money. Just have to find the free things in life that are in the neighborhood. I walk to the park which is close and if I’m adventurous I walk to the mall. Metrolink is another great way to travel, doesn’t cost a lot and guess what….you can go to San Diego and just enjoy the downtown right off the train station and there are trolley’s that travels through the city.

    Or just stop along the way at other cities, San Juan Capistrano, Oceanside, etc. and enjoy the sea while you are there and walk among the stores. Take the Metrolink downtown and visit Chinatown or Downtown Los Angeles and take the Dash bus (50 cents a ride I think). So weekends doesn’t just have to be sitting around the house.

    And how many shoes can you wear in a day? Yes, just one pair at a time. So those cute shoes will be there when you can afford them, save up and you’ll have your day to walk tall. Check out some of the high ended thrift stores like Discovery from the American Cancer Society (brand named clothes for little money), or go to Working Wardrobes [ or (located in Tustin,CA)] they have designer brand clothes that when you purchase some of the money goes to helping women and men dress to find jobs.

    Just some suggestions from someone who made it and am now going back to school to finish my degree. Everything and anything is possible.

    “Things turn out best for those who
    make the best of the way things turn out.”


  2. addercatter says:

    I’m going through a very similar situation… my husband and I ended our relationship last month… on my birthday… my son and I had nowhere else to go so we had to uproot and move out of state with almost nothing. I understand how you must be feeling. 😦
    Hugs, Kat


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