DEALING WITH THE LONELINESS…

Dealing with The Loneliness

I grew up in a large Hispanic family with wall to wall kids. That is why everyone should always have more than one child because then you always have a friend. I always had lots of friends. I had my siblings and we would go to my relatives house and of course they had wall to wall kids so it was always a full house…loneliness, what the heck was that? I mean you didn’t even go to the bathroom alone, I don’t mean to sound crude but it seemed that when I had to go pee someone always had to go too and we fought over who went in the tub and who got the toilet, one bathroom.

As teenagers we had several beds and all of us slept in the same room even my teenage brother, no big deal. I remember going to a friend’s house and she had her own room and it was decorated like they do in magazines with the pink canopy all princess style, ruffles everywhere , teddy bears that never were played with…say what! Own room? Going to bed was the time where the best conversations went on, this was the time when you layed there quiet with your thoughts and you would think of something and you would say, hey are you awake…and you would start a whole conversation about a topic on your one thought and you may stay up for hours and topics would seem so deep and it maybe something simple like how cool our new metal pool was.

NoW here I am at 47…a grown adult in an apartment with a cat that won’t talk to me. No kids, nobody to talk to. I mean during the day I could go visit people. But at sometime you come home and it becomes nighttime and the place is so alone….It sucks. They say after a divorce is the time to get to know yourself, get acquainted to yourself…

Ok Catalina this is Catalina…how are you…

Oh I am not doing to well..I am quite lonely in this apartment….and how are you doing…

well why do you ask…I am you so wouldn’t I be feeling the same damn way?…

Why you cursing shouldn’t you be nice to yourself….

Am I doing it right? I mean has anyone written a book on what they mean by getting acquainted with yourself, I know what I like to eat, if someone showed me a picture of myself and said who is this I know I could say, Oh that’s me. So I am very confused as to what getting acquainted is. Being comfortable in your own skin is another term they use…let me try to define that…that means being able to sit in an apartment alone and not feel lonely, what if I never am happy being by myself. There are people called Hermits that could sit in a house alone at the drop of a dime, who said that is healthy. But then again, why am I whining to you all, what am I expecting ….I guess I am just venting…being alone sucks…I miss people…I miss having someone to talk to… I miss the presence of another human being beside my cat that doesn’t talk. Wait I hear Mexican music, maybe I should walk to this random house and just pretend I am part of their family and just blend in…