ABUSIVE HOME AND CHILDREN
It is always been said that a child needs both parents to raise them as a couple. You hear,
“I stayed with him for the kids”
“Oh I can’t leave him, what about the kids.”
It’s not 1950 and Leave it to Beaver isn’t on TV so we know this is not the case, right? Kid’s turn out better with parents living in separate households if the marriage is not working…kids are smart, no matter how much you try to hide things from them they pick up on things.
Well for me it was worse, I knowingly put my kids through a marriage that wasn’t working, because I was afraid of leaving. What did they grow up seeing? Physical abuse, fights, disrespect, parents that lived their own separate lives. Their model of what a marriage looks like was so distorted and how to treat your spouse or allow your partner to treat you was filled with violence and unloving and callous and full of hate…ugly isn’t it?
I did this to my kids. Did I sit down and think, hmm I think I want to show my children the ugliest life and traumatized them and try to screw up their psyche forever! Of course not, my kids are my life, they are my everything, but truth of the matter this is what happens when you stay in a marriage that is so ugly and there are kids involved.
I lived with the guilt, my son was growing up seeing when your wife gets out of line…you smack the shit out of her. When she acts stupid, you make sure you tell her she is acting stupid and throw in a few other words like, bitch, dumb ass, good for nothing.
What about my daughter? Her destiny would be the one receiving that kind of treatment, and she would stay because she felt so low of herself and it was the norm, both of my children grew up in this environment and would find this to be the norm in a relationship when they grew up….You want to talk about guilt!!!!
When my son was 17 he started seeing his high school sweetheart, I held my breath. They would give each other the cutest most original gifts and celebrate their anniversary every month, play basketball and wrestle. The years went by 18, 19, 20, 21!, 22!, 23!, and currently 24! He is still with this sweeter and cuter than a button gorgeous girl that he met in high school and my son adores her. She told me that he is such a good boyfriend!!! I was able to let out a sigh of relief…FOR MY SON!!!
Yes, I had a beautiful daughter, gorgeous could be a model…the boys went wild for her, if we lived in a small world country I could easily get 10 cows and a few goats thrown in for good measure. She would have boyfriends, but for one reason or another they just wouldn’t last.
So I really had to hold my breath on this one longer…It was ok honey is this a good candidate…nah mom, not interested…she was very finicky…but hey that’s good no? I like that she was being selective. The family started counting years, what no boyfriend? 20?, 21?, 22?, 23?, 24? come on here! 25??? NO??? 26??? WHAT!!! Eureka!!
Some guy was made the luckiest guy because my daughter decided that she really liked him…in that way! BUT my first thought, ok but what kind of person is he!! Will he be a wife beater?
NO!!!! Oh if you could all meet him, he is the sweetest boy, the kind you want to grab both of his cheeks if you could reach that high cause he is so darn tall, and say awe he is so sweet!!
What happened? Divine intervention? I don’t know! Both of my children turned out to have THE BEST RELATIONSHIPS!! They both have what I like to call fun silly relationships. The kind that goof around with each other and play like friends. Every wish I have every wished, you know when you blow out a candle, or blow out a thistle, or a shooting star, I would say, please let my kids have a happy life…I didn’t want to win the lotto, no millionaire husband, to look like Beyoncé, no it was for my children to be happy because I was scared to death that I destroyed their chances…I believe God had something to do with this…and I thank him…
7 thoughts on “ABUSIVE HOMES AND AND CHILDREN…”
This is beautiful and telling. Very well written. I am glad for you and your children. Congratulations are in order. Smile, you did it despite the circumstances.
Somebody upstairs was watching out for my angels…
(Talking about your daughter, how pretty she is): “… if we lived in a small world country I could easily get 10 cows and a few goats thrown in for good measure….” –>I almost snorted when I read that! Awesome! 😀
Yeah that is what I always tell her, she gets a kick out of it…
Wow. Thanks for sharing this beautiful story. I am you. i have 2 boys who bear the emotional scars of growing up in a verbally abusive home. I finally left and my ex continues the abuse – physical, verbal and financial. My kids are in my home and it is filled with peace, love, harmony and fun. I only allow kind people to come to my home. I hope they have the same experience your children enjoy. Thank you for giving me hope.
Awe Gina you made my heart swell! I love what you said about only letting kind people in your home, that is so beautiful!! My children are beautiful and yours will be too because you are breaking the cycle and you sound like such an awesome mom!!! Love you will find will fix so much, I did so much wrong, but I never stopped loving my children with all my heart and I think that is what did the difference and that is what will be the saving factor in your children too. Much love to you!!
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