LONELINESS AND EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
Today I wrote a poem I was so proud of I showed it to my daughter. I realize I am suffering from “Empty Nest Syndrome” put on top with my marriage collapsing, and abandonment issues…and oh yeah…I just started some weird azz medication for anxiety because I have been stuffing my emotions again going back to the end of my marriage…putting it mildly I have issues. In a nutshell I wrote a poem about how I was going to cope better with my daughter having a life as she flies the coop with her new boyfriend while I deal with learning to be alone…same old song and dance I have been yodeling and tapping to these last few days.
But it’s good, no? I’m letting go of my daughter and I called her the princess in the poem and letting her be happy and move on in her life just how life is supposed to be. I don’t want to be those overbearing mothers… Yes mother dear…No mother dear…you never call you mother…no no I don’t wan’t to be like those mothers…ok so I send her the poem and she gets sad. I’m sorry mom, she tells me I will try to spend more time with you… NOOOOO!!!!
Oh God!! Subconciously am I pulling a guilt trip on her? I don’t want that! I am so sad when she walks out the door in a flash, I admit that! I do want her to sit on the couch with me and be my couch buddy and watch movies but she is a beautiful young girl and she has a new life with a young man that is wonderful and he is wonderful to her and they have a bright future.
It is so important to me that my children not get caught up in saving mommy. Mommy is going to be fine! Oh wait maybe I should say something like “mom” or maybe even “mother” instead of “mommy”. Whoops, Freudian slip eh? Ok let me say that again, Mother doesn’t need saving! I don’t want to be one of those mothers who use those guilt tactics to make her children come spend time with her.
I already know I am like one of the coolest moms to hang around with and I don’t have to bribe anyone to hang out with me. We have our annual camping trip coming up where we are cut off from society and really rough it out in the wild blue yonder and I have my adult children and their mates all to myself for almost a week and I LOVE IT!
So I need to grow up and let my “Happy Princess” carry on with her life and continue to build my new life!