MY EPIPHANY!!!
I just had an epiphany…Wow…not only did I have an epiphany, this is the first time that I ever used the word that I didn’t even know how to spell it, I had to look it up to make sure I knew how to spell it.
But on to my epiphany…I have to go slowly when I spell it because I will spell it wrong if I don’t, wow I feel like a scholar using it for the first time in my life…could it be I am becoming a real writer because I am finally using that word…yay!
Oh darn, I am so excited about my new word that I am forgetting about my “epiphany”. I have been wallowing in the depths of my loneliness that I forgot what life was like in my marriage. I forgot that even though I had my husband under the same roof with me, yes we slept in the same bed, but there might as well been a brick wall built between us because he stayed on his side and I stayed on my side. I remember how sometimes I would roll over and accidently my foot would touch his and we would jump as if we touch kryptonite and we would recoil in horror and apologize continuously and scoot to our side as far as we could. This was how life was for so long.
My epiphany? (I just love that word) I was lonelier in my marriage than I am now! Imagine that. Because it was thrown in my face day after day that my marriage was dead and I had no one!! I had someone in my bed so close…inches away that was not someone that I could hold onto…and that is the loneliest feeling in the world.
I need to remember that when I am feeling bad. For all you women out there that are feeling lonely at home, eventually it will get better. The light starts to get better, I promise you because it is happening to me, but of course you have to be proactive. But are you like me? Are you feeling lonelier being with someone than being by yourself…isn’t that funny??? I was lonelier with my husband than being by myself…THAT’S MY EPIPHANY!!!!
Can I Be Amazing After 50? 
….and a beautiful epiphany it is!!
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Thank you!!! If I could have children I would name my next child “Epiphany”!!!!!
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I remember having those same feelings in my marriage, when we would say “sorry” for accidental touches instead of embraces those as flirty moments as we once had. I also remember feeling lonely on nights my kids were with their mom and I was “alone” in my new place by myself with just the sound of the tv on in the background. But next time you ever feel any kind of lonely…I’ll just you’re not alone. There are a lot of “us” out there…and great post.
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Oh it was definately not flirty…yuk! I was sad…so much sadder when I was with him…and I forget that sadness. I am much happier now…Thank you God and thank you for all this I have discovered. I love my Blogging Peeps and you are one of them!!!
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…and it’s only when we become comfortable simply being with ourselves that we learn how to really be comfortable being with someone else. Sadly, often we make wron choices because we think ‘we’ are not enough and that we NEED someone else to ‘complete’ us and make us whole. We therefore enter into relationships that compromise our sense of self because we think ‘they’ will complete us and make us happy. The expectation is often too much and ‘their’ inability to rise to the challenge disappoints and harms us.
I’m happy you’re daily finding your epiphany. May they continue to come thick and fast until you open your yes to see you have reached the top of your mountain and a beautiful view of the person you have become. xx
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I don’t know if I am there completely Ms. Divine…but my bus is definately on its way there…I think I have the right route this time!!
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I can’t tell you how many of those accidental touches the ex and I had before it was over. We went almost a year without kissing and our hugs we so obligitory that it just felt odd. Once I got my own place, the aloneness (is that a word?) in my new bed was frightening but at least I wasn’t constantly thinking about if the person on the other side of the bed was ever going to touch me, purposefully, again. Now I know that if there’s someone on the other side of my bed, it’s because she wants to be there…not that I’ve had a lot since the breakup…but you get the point.
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I love the new feeling of sleeping with someone and grabbing hold of them…what a great feeling that is…better than a teddy bear!! just dating but when the hate is gone..wow
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