There was a time I sat at my window
more times than I could count
vigilantly watching for him to come home
as nights turned into morn
Time after time I jumped up to peer
nope, that wasn’t him either
It didn’t matter if a hundred cars passed
A hundred times I jumped up to check
My heart would pound so hard
let it be him, let it be him…only to realize
once again my stomach would sink
“Where could he be now?”
Night after night, day after day
this became a routine
Why didn’t it become easier
I knew he wasn’t coming home
Why didn’t my hopes diminish
when each car showed it wasn’t him
Why didn’t the sobs get weaker
shouldn’t numbness set in by now
Why didn’t I say, “Fuck this!”
shouldn’t I be getting pissed by now
Why didn’t I miss him less?
Why didn’t I trust him less?
Why didn’t I care less?
Love doesn’t hurt like this
love doesn’t deceive
I didn’t see the longer I stayed
the sicker my heart would be
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