There was a time I sat at my window

more times than I could count

vigilantly watching for him to come home

as nights turned into morn

Time after time I jumped up to peer

nope, that wasn’t him either

It didn’t matter if a hundred cars passed

A hundred times I jumped up to check


My heart would pound so hard

let it be him, let it be him…only to realize

once again my stomach would sink

“Where could he be now?”


Night after night, day after day

this became a routine

Why didn’t it become easier

I knew he wasn’t coming home


Why didn’t my hopes diminish

when each car showed it wasn’t him


Why didn’t the sobs get weaker

shouldn’t numbness set in by now


Why didn’t I say, “Fuck this!”

shouldn’t I be getting pissed by now


Why didn’t I miss him less?

Why didn’t I trust him less?

Why didn’t I care less?


Love doesn’t hurt like this

love doesn’t deceive


I didn’t see the longer I stayed

the sicker my heart would be



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