FATHER’S DAY DOESN’T INCLUDE ME ANYMORE…
It was Father’s Day. I didn’t like it. I felt left out. I felt prepared and everything. I mean come on it isn’t like my ex is “my” father or anything. Not to mention I had the best Mother’s Day ever.
I knew it was coming too because the day before I felt some sadness in me, an inexplainable sadness when I heard that the kids were taking him to eat and I just swallowed hard and thought, “Yeah and what, I had my day, good for them.” I carried on with my day.
As the hours went by, a veil of sadness became heavier and heavier and denser and denser. I realized that I was feeling not part of. This was my first Father’s Day in a broken family. Now why didn’t Valentine’s Day feel bad, or Christmas or such. Well I guess because my kids still included me in those days, but this day was a total, YOU ARE NOT PART OF THIS DAY!
In face I mentioned something to my daughter and she gave me this caca face and said in this big time incredulous face, “You’re wanting to go with us for Father’s Day?” Of course my caca incredulous face had to beat hers as I said, “Hell no!” What a little smart butt, HOW RUDE!!!
But it is true, I am no longer part of this day. This day belongs to my childre and their dad period! No reason to take it personal. Let bigones be bigones, let it be none of my business and don’t let my ego get involved in this. Am I so self absorbed that it must always be about me me me! This is not the playground and it isn’t kids playing and they won’t let me play. It is my children going to spend time with their father, don’t read so much into it and go do something else with your day, I told myself!
Ok I had to get myself out of these blues, so I got dressed, called up my mother and said let’s go have Fathers Day’s together. She was gung Ho! So I did, had breakfast with my mom and kept myself busy.
BUT….I was a good sport and called my ex and wished him a Happy Father’s Day. We talked like friends for a few minutes and hung up. Wasn’t that grown up of me, I think so. Life goes on right?
I felt the same way, but with all my friends celebrating Father’s day with their respective families and my Mom in Arizona and my Father in Nevada, I escaped to the mountains. It was nice to get away from everything for a bit.
That is lovely, I love the mountains!!!
I can well appreciate the situation and pain. It’s an interesting (and overlooked) observation that it’s a holiday that you don’t get any part of. It’s one of those unanticipated pains that show up throughout the process, throughout the new divorced life. Sounds like you found a good solution to it. And kudos for the bravery and heart to call and wish him happy fathers day. It is grown up. And healthy. Bravo 🙂
Thank you, but secretly I kept putting pauses in the conversation hoping there would be an invite that never came…ho hum…