Oh the webs we weave, ok! My quest for love continues. It is a journey that I continue to climb the highest mountain in pursuit of.
The mountain I left didn’t have it, my husband. I climbed it all the way to the top. Oh, what a jagged, rocky high mountain it was. Full of peaks and loose rocks. So many times I lost my footage, but I continued my climb. I was sure that I would find what I was looking for. If I pushed forward and could just reach the top. But two peaks up, and I would fall three peaks down.
What took years to climb, left me battered exhausted and depleted. As I sat on the mountain top overseeing the vast blue yonder, I realized that there was nothing there I was looking for. My journey was not for nothing, because it taught me how to climb another mountain and what to expect. Then the next relationship came, I realized this mountain I must leave behind and I started my climb down the steep decline, leaving it behind.
So now I stand at the crest of all these new mountains promising new journeys and adventures. But I am told to stay in the valley and rest awhile to recuperate from the brutal climb of that very large mountain I had just left behind. My wounds have not yet healed from the rocks that nicked and bruised me. I have not even caught my breath from that exhausting climb down from that enormous mountain and yet already I want to jump on and start climbing again.
Rest a while. Catch your breath. Let those wounds heal. Relax and gaze at the various mountains and decide which mountain you would like to climb and not just jump on the first one.
I use this as a metaphor for my inability to stay still with no man. When I first broke up with my ex, it was like I had to get a man fix right away. Sadly, when we do this, it is only to run from the pain from our first relationship.
I have been single for over two years now and am finally learning what I want and don’t want in a man. Jumping too fast in a relationship to avoid the loneliness and pain will make you less than selective. It is important to take a step back. Connect with yourself and meet your own needs first.
I am learning to look for love inside myself. So far so good!