I was just told, in order to properly heal, I have to mourn the end of one relationship before starting a new one. One step further, for up to six months!

The concept of being alone is this to “find myself”. What exactly am I finding? What does this mean? Am I on the back of a milk carton reported missing? Because last time I checked, I never left.

Could I bring my friend with me? I do not like being alone you see!

You cannot bring a friend with you! You have to equal one not two!

Sorry, I think Dr. Seus just channeled me.  Let me return to my pondering self…

So if I have male attention I won’t be able to find this something that is lost about myself…am I on the right track? I am hoping someone who has all wisdom is out there reading this. Some guru of the Universe and knows of this special wisdom I will attain if I abstain from male companionship.

How long does it take for this special wisdom to hit me? Is it like a bolt of lightning? Or does it come slowly, and how will I know when I finally get this special wisdom? Is it that kind of thing where you say, “Oh don’t worry, you’ll know, believe me, you’ll know.” Because I am thinking this is something like those Buddhist Monks do in Tibbet where they abstain from all Earthly temptations to perfect their souls. So is this what I am doing? Will I have to wear some white kind of diaper, burn incense and sit in a yogi position?

I am just asking!


  1. carolinecarryson says:



  2. Jeff says:

    Finding yourself is when the missing part no longer leaves a hole, and you are whole


  3. That empty feeling in the pit of my stomach…


  4. I am six months in with single living, from a 20 year marriage. Three months ago I took a man up on the offer of sex. It was supposed to be a one night fling. I am three months in and still visiting him about 2-3 times a week. Last night (6/20) I wrote a letter to him breaking it off, then an hour later confirmed a liaison for tonight. I felt I needed that attention but now that I am feeling stronger in my own right and the fact remains this is a temporary fling that he sees, I now know I need to move on. Yet it is so tempting to stay!! Maybe I need to be single a while and be a bit more choosy and alot less needy in the affection department! I don’t know if it helps to tell you that affection from another person doesn’t do much to heal the harm done from a long term marriage that failed. That is the part you need to know– healing has to come from within, not from someone else that can confuse the issues you are trying to work on.


    1. Everything everyone says is so true!! I know this!!! YET!! I don’t want to feel the pain


      1. I think there is no escaping the pain, either way. You can ignore it with shiny objects (sexual contact in this case) or push it aside, but with change there is often discomfort. So any positive change will meet you with discomfort and sometimes pain. That tightness in the chest or solar plexus as you move from the past and welcome the new you. It is a challenge but not impossible. I wish you well on your journey. Be kind to yourself… that is the only advise really, when you stumble and fall (Oh my gosh, so many times I seem to be moving backwards!) just love that hurt woman/child within. Hug her and keep the mantra, “It’s ok.”


  5. Wow…this is very powerful and deep! i never thought of being single or even when I say being single is a time to get know oneself; when you’re already comfortable with yourself, know yourself have accepted yourself, where do you go from here.

    Thank you for making me think!!!! I wish i had the answer!


    1. Thank you so much for reading and joining in this journey called life!!!


      1. You’re so welcome and thank you for such a great post!


  6. Thank you thank you alll!!!!


  7. roadmom says:

    For the first 9 years after my divorce, I was happily asexual and didn’t miss male company at all. I was busy working on my career and raising my son. I was busy! Four years ago, I met a man who “woke me up” out of my asexual stupor. I started wanting those things again. Do I have it, yet? No. Do I want it? Yes. Do I miss all those things you listed? Oh my gosh, yes! Do I miss sex? Gooooooodddddd, yes. However, I fill my days with work and building my business, and my evenings and weekends with family and friends, reading, blogging, and living life. No way will I let a little thing such as being man-less stop me from living and enjoying life as much as possible. Some days are easier than others, but it’s worth it.


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