As I look back at my blogs, they are kinda bashing on my ex aren’t they. But that is ok, because he really was not a nice person to me. Why is it that everyone that knows him thinks he is the nicest person in the world? Could it be my forcing him to be where he didn’t want to be (with me) made him the most miserable person and he lashed out at the person he was miserable at…me. Maybe.

Things have changed now that we are not together. Now that I am not his live in wife (the divorce is not final yet). He is very cordial, polite, generous, giving. For instance, he found out that my car was having problems starting. He came over and cleaned my battery terminals and they work fine. He found out that my daughter will be moving out and I will have to live alone and he told me as he was leaving me yesterday if I need anything, help financially, help with my car, help with moving, or getting a place, anything, don’t hesitate to call him, he will help anyway he can. He said if I need to take the car to the mechanic just take it and bill it to him. WOW!!!

When he asked me for a divorce, he pretty much destroyed an entire family. My daughter and I were asked to leave the house we were living with his mother and him because his mother was not getting along with my daughter. His mother is his only living relative left and she is in the hospital and I don’t give her more than a couple months to live with her Cancer. My family is a very large loving Hispanic family that he lost when he asked me for a divorce. He will have only my 2 kids as his family. I have a large support system and he is left in a large 4 bedroom house alone which I guess he won’t stay single forever.

I am just reflecting at the growth he has made as a human being. He sees now what he lost, he tells the kids how much he misses me, how the house seems empty without me, the house doesn’t seem like a home anymore, and my cooking…oh how he misses my cooking too. My kids have had to tell him to leave me alone that I am doing good being by myself and not to ruin things, so he grudgingly agrees.

I am saying all this because I want the world to know that in my heart I totally forgive my husband for everything. To me he has changed his ways and is now a wonderful father to my kids and is attempting to aid me in my independence. I think he has turned out to be a good man in God’s eyes. My forgiving him is important to me in my healing because I need to not harbor any resentments that could keep me ill and bitter. I like that peace that fills my heart and that weight that has been lifted from my heart. I like to feel he is a good man and just does the best he does with what he had. Nobody can judge another because we don’t know the path they had to walk through. Actually I do know the path he had to go through and it was a pretty bad one and that is why I choose to forgive him. It was a path full of violence and one of no physical love and that is why I choose to forgive him.

So today I am choosing to release all anger against my husband so that I may heal and be a better person. I hope others will follow suit.


  1. You are amazing. I know I will get there someday. Thanks for allowing me to see light at the end of this cesspool.


    1. Key word forgiveness and the rest falls into place. If you can’t forgive their actions you forgive the person. Which is what I had to do.


  2. carolinecarryson says:

    It’s amazing how the person we fell in love with really is in there some where.


    1. That is a really good way to put it!


  3. phoenixasubbie says:

    That is the best choice you can make for you. It’s amazing how a little space and time can make a man appreciate what he had. My ex husband was the same way— it was only after we separated that he wanted to be there for me and help me. He cheated on me for years. On and on…Not that I was perfect, because I needed a lot of improvement as a wife too….. but forgiving and letting go is the only way to have happiness and peace.
    I gave him my forgiveness, and asked his forgiveness of me and my mistakes as well…

    I am so happy for you to have come to that conclusion at this point in your journey.


    1. @phoenixasubbie: You wrote “It’s amazing how a little space and time can make a man appreciate what he had.” I am hoping for this. I don’t want my husband to continue to think of me as the Stepford Wife that he’s expected me to be in many ways over the years. I really would rather he sees me for the unconventional yet seemingly conventional crazy woman that I am – and be OK with it. The last part is our sticking point though he denies it. The bottom line is that we *both* need to see each other in a different light because we *are* different than we were 25 years ago when we got together. And it’s OK. 🙂


      1. phoenixasubbie says:

        I spent my whole marriage trying to be what I thought he wanted me to be….what I thought a wife should be…anything but just being ME. I’m so glad you realize this already.

        I will cross my fingers for you and your husband. I’m so much happier now that I have accepted who and what I am.
        And I believe found someone who wants me just as I am.



        1. Thanks @phoenixasubbie – your words mean a lot. I keep hearing the same things over and over…and I tried to be what he wanted me to be but it wouldn’t have been enough, ever. He can’t see that but I can and always have. I really appreciate your insights.


    2. Yes and that peace in your heart…ahhhhhh


  4. HEY!!! LOL!!! Excuse me to interupt a this conversation on my blog!!!! HA HA HA!!! I LOVE IT!!!!! OH MY GOD I LOVE IT!!! LOVE YOU BOTH!!! MUCH LOVE TO BOTH OF YOU!!!


  5. This is a wonderful way to continue on with your divorce and a great state of mind to be in.


    1. Yes it is…thank you


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