I CHOOSE TO STOP HATING MY HUSBAND!
As I look back at my blogs, they are kinda bashing on my ex aren’t they. But that is ok, because he really was not a nice person to me. Why is it that everyone that knows him thinks he is the nicest person in the world? Could it be my forcing him to be where he didn’t want to be (with me) made him the most miserable person and he lashed out at the person he was miserable at…me. Maybe.
Things have changed now that we are not together. Now that I am not his live in wife (the divorce is not final yet). He is very cordial, polite, generous, giving. For instance, he found out that my car was having problems starting. He came over and cleaned my battery terminals and they work fine. He found out that my daughter will be moving out and I will have to live alone and he told me as he was leaving me yesterday if I need anything, help financially, help with my car, help with moving, or getting a place, anything, don’t hesitate to call him, he will help anyway he can. He said if I need to take the car to the mechanic just take it and bill it to him. WOW!!!
When he asked me for a divorce, he pretty much destroyed an entire family. My daughter and I were asked to leave the house we were living with his mother and him because his mother was not getting along with my daughter. His mother is his only living relative left and she is in the hospital and I don’t give her more than a couple months to live with her Cancer. My family is a very large loving Hispanic family that he lost when he asked me for a divorce. He will have only my 2 kids as his family. I have a large support system and he is left in a large 4 bedroom house alone which I guess he won’t stay single forever.
I am just reflecting at the growth he has made as a human being. He sees now what he lost, he tells the kids how much he misses me, how the house seems empty without me, the house doesn’t seem like a home anymore, and my cooking…oh how he misses my cooking too. My kids have had to tell him to leave me alone that I am doing good being by myself and not to ruin things, so he grudgingly agrees.
I am saying all this because I want the world to know that in my heart I totally forgive my husband for everything. To me he has changed his ways and is now a wonderful father to my kids and is attempting to aid me in my independence. I think he has turned out to be a good man in God’s eyes. My forgiving him is important to me in my healing because I need to not harbor any resentments that could keep me ill and bitter. I like that peace that fills my heart and that weight that has been lifted from my heart. I like to feel he is a good man and just does the best he does with what he had. Nobody can judge another because we don’t know the path they had to walk through. Actually I do know the path he had to go through and it was a pretty bad one and that is why I choose to forgive him. It was a path full of violence and one of no physical love and that is why I choose to forgive him.
So today I am choosing to release all anger against my husband so that I may heal and be a better person. I hope others will follow suit.