YOUR BRAIN CAN BE YOUR WORST ENEMY


Brain_is_your_friend_by_Akkir_Atelorien[1]

SOMETIMES OUR MINDS ARE OUR WORST ENEMIES

Through my divorce I have come to learn so much about myself, what makes me tick, who I am. I have come to the conclusion that I am not Miss Superwoman. I am a work in process. Divorce is like death and I cannot expect to be healed in a few months. Yes it is an amicable divorce and my ex and I have decided to remain friends, but it is still the death of a life I knew for 29 years and the death of a future I thought was going to unfold into a certain way. I am blindsided as to what the future holds now and I feel like I am standing at the beginning of 10 roads not knowing where any one of then leads to whereas before I knew where my future was leading.

I started to date, that didn’t work out. Maybe it was too soon. It just added to my pain when that didn’t work out. I hadn’t healed from the pain of one and then to add more pain…not good. Then the mind starts to wander, is it me? My own mind started to become my worst enemy. Ok I ended it but maybe he wanted me to end it. Silliness! What is wrong with me? Am I unloveable? Who will love me?

Oh yeah take it from me, your brain can turn on you. It can start telling you a lot of negative things, and mine did just that. It told me I wasn’t pretty enough, my body wasn’t good enough, and it did not let up! It told me morning, noon and night. I fell into a depression.

You see what I learned about depression is that it is caused by living in past disappointments. Ruminating in them if you will. You go over and over in them in your head. Well if only I had did this, if only I had said that. We think if we could go back we could fix things but in reality all we are doing is sinking deeper and deeper into depression because we are so absorbed so long in negative thoughts and those negative thoughts are about us…think about it, how good are we going to feel if we do that.

Somehow I had to learn to pull myself out of the past and bring myself into the present. As soon as my mind wandered back to some wah wah moment, I caught myself and told myself…ok yeah that was pretty sad but let’s come back to the present. And boy do I have to do that A LOT. There is a special meditation on that kind of thinking called mindfulness. All I know is that I have to stop living in the past moment of my past love that only brings me grief and sadness because I miss him and come back to reality. I will think, oh look at the pretty flowers on my desk and focus on that to bring me out of it. Depression is a boogar but we can pull ourself out of it, it is really hard but we can do it.

Don’t listen to what your brain is saying about yourself unless it is saying, “Damn you are one hot MAMA!!”

17 thoughts on “YOUR BRAIN CAN BE YOUR WORST ENEMY

  1. You are so right! Your mind can be your own worst enemy! So glad you are trying to practice mindfulness to bring yourself out of the downward mind spiral back to the beauty that’s surrounding you in the present!

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  2. Andrew says:

    I like your post and also think mindfulness is such a wonderful skill to learn – not just to cope with depression, but to be more present in the moments that count. Thanks for sharing.

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  3. So much of what you said also applies to me. I thought because I was the one that left my husband I would not have to grieve, but I was wrong. I tried to “find the girl I used to be” and I finally realized, I needed to stop looking for her because she didn’t exist the way she was anymore. I had grown and become so much more and I needed to embrace who I’d become. The mind can truly be a terrible thing. I don’t understand why we are so hard on ourselves, but it is nice to know we are not alone. That others are going through the same thing. The depression for me was the worst part. I finally started to see a counselor to try to sort some things out. I realized it was too soon to date again and that I needed to heal. I still have hard days. I literally have to fight through the depression at times because I feel like it will swallow me whole. But it feels physically and painfully hard. But I really have to make myself get in a good mindset and not let the grief from the past and the loss of the future I thought I’d have get the best of me. It’s amazing the strength you have that you are not aware of until you need to draw from it.
    I wish you the best…it is a very long road, but you WILL get down it.

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