I Wished My Husband Well With His New Woman!!

Today is a new day!. Day before yesterday I walked into my exes house to find that I have been replaced now with a younger more beautiful woman and I turned around embarrassed, and broke down.

Two days later I woke up this morning and realized I had a nightmare about him and his beautiful replacement and realized I am haunted by this. I feel like I have PTSD…Post Traumatic Syndrome…am I being dramatic…probably…but come on give it to me.

I feel like I had been to war and seen the most gruesome debilitating vision and it has tainted my psyche forever…seeing another woman in the house where I was supposed to live forever with my husband. Now I am waking up with haunting dreams. It is something nobody should have to witness right? Somebody give me my Sponge Bob Square Pants Jammies with the feet in them and my teddy bear because I need something to soothe the owie in my heart AND MY BRAIN!!

Oh my God how do you shut that damn thing off from reinacting the scene over and over. Ok here I walked out. I wished I would have embarrassed him. Why didn’t I sat down and very cooly say something like, “Oh hello, you know woman to woman you need to know that I am the one who left him because of his bizarre sex acts and believe me he will be wanting to put soda bottles up his anus. I am telling this to you woman to woman because I wish someone would have warned me.”

Then look at him and tell him, “and stop calling me for the last time I will not sleep with you one last time!” and walk away.

Damn!!! I just think now of all these great ideas.

Worse…I started thinking….see he had testicular Cancer and it is remission and I thought, darn if it only woke up again and he died I could get the house and it would be mine and and….then I thought…wow…what an evil thought.

But alas…someone upstairs must have intervened because the solution came to me as I was driving. It was advice I had given so many others. It was so obvious that I was suffering from a raging horrible case of resentment.

That resentment was keeping the story alive in my head and making me have evil thoughts, making me have balls of anger in my stomach, making me sad, making me feel sorry for myself, making me feel he was a villain that should be gone from this Earth.

Somehow, someway I had to find it in me to forgive him and wish him well. Get over it and be happy for him…WHAT!!!
yes you heard right. It was the only way to kill the Cancer growing in my heart and brain and believe me it was growing. I needed to understand him as a human being and wish him happiness because I want peace. I was not doing this for him, this was for me. I could care less if he stubbed his baby toe on the corner and it split in two, but I didn’t want to live the way I was living or feel like I was feeling, not one day more.

So I prayed. Dear God, I wasn’t that happy with my husband at the end anyways. I forgive my husband for hurting me the way he did so that I could be released from this pain and be at peace and we can both find happiness even if it isn’t with each other.

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OMG!!! THERE IS A WOMAN WITH MY HUSBAND!!

I will keep this short and I will keep it…well it can’t be sweet because I am not feeling so sweet. I started this blog to show how empowered I was because a year ago I moved out on my own with my daughter from a 29 year marriage. It was a chance for the world to follow me on my journey as I gained independence. I did that for the most part.

I did that for the most part. I actually survived a year out in the world without him.

We became friends, I would stop off at his house and see my pets, I can’t have pets at my apartment so he says stop off anytime to see them so I did.

Well I knocked, he answered the door and let me in and there on the couch was another woman. My husband has another woman right there on the couch next to him. He politely introduced her and I politely said hi and we shook hands. Now see I did not know it was his girlfriend because she was so young and my sons friend was also in the living room I thought it was his girlfriend. But as I was walking away to go to the other room out of the corner of my eye I seen the friend shake her hand too. WHAT!

I went to my sons room and said, “Who is that lady?” He said it was his dads friend. My heart ripped in two. I snuck out the back door and left, my son was yelling at me not to leave like this. I was bawling. I drove and drove and was heaving from crying so hard.

His mother convinced us to buy this tore up house because she had terminal cancer because she wanted to leave me and my husband a house. The entire family flipped this house with our blood sweat and sometime tears..with our hands. We layed carpet, went to Home Depot as a family picking swatches of what color we wanted our rooms and painted. We did the landscaping, did the interior decorating. We even custom made an extra room to around my favorite humoungous leather sectional couch that was so big because that was the comfy room that I wanted when my people came to visit and we could all fit and watch tv. This was where I would raise my grandkids.

This was the house I was kicked out because when my husband asked for a divorce his mother was still alive and it was legally still her house and she would have my daughter and I escorted out by the police if we didn’t. Which she did happen to do, the police physically removed my daughter from the house.

So to see another woman sitting comfortably next to my husband in that house was a blow I don’t care if I had dated also. I dated to try to get over him, he had been dated because he WAS over me.

But this is part of my journey. This is a slap of reality that somehow has knocked me obviously flat down face first on the floor and I have to get up and put one foot in front of the other and do this thing called life. Anyone going through what I am going through knows what I am talking about. You ride the pain and you know it is there but you don’t let it dominate you. You don’t let it consume you. I have my moments that I break down and I excuse myself and I come back to my desk and I get back to work. I will survive this because I know the more pain I can survive the stronger it will make me. And that is what I want. Because the choice is mine, what am I going to choose, start calling him…I love you don’t do this…come back to me…lay on my couch bawling…get a big bottle of vodka and numb my problems away or I can see the reality of this. I cannot control people place or things. And know when you expose your open wound to sunshine, fresh air in time it starts the process of stopping to bleed then slowly the wound closes and starts to heal…as I will.