Learning to Eat Alone
I was extra hungry tonight. What a crazy day, it was so crazy I missed lunch, for me that is CRAZY because me missing a meal? Yeah right. Nobody is going to believe that.
I grew up in a big Latin family and cooking is in my blood and it was always a feast. If someone stopped by, sit your butt down you are going to eat and walk out stuffed but always satisfied. Cooking is an emotional thing for me, it is done with love for those you love. Nobody should ever feel hunger. I cook with my heart. That was the one thing when my husband and I separated, he told my kids that without my cooking the house did not seem like a home anymore. That’s right, mama in the kitchen does give a sense of home doesn’t it.
Well now I live by myself. Now what! Am I really going to chop and dice and braise and sauté and fry and roast and steam and and….well you get my drift. Then there is the shopping, the putting things away, the dishes. For just me? NOT! Why go through all that trouble for just me? If my kids come over, that is a different story, but not just for myself.
I started having a bowl of cereal, it was quick and low calorie. There were no dishes, it was inexpensive and helped me keep my girlish figure. Breakfast became PB&J’s and I ate lunch at work. I became a creature of habit.
Well tonight I did something I never did, I LOOKED IN THE FREEZER! I found some beautiful salmon and some red potatoes, green beans and fixings for a salad. I prepared myself a wonderful dinner and DAMN it was good. I realized that this was the first time I made myself dinner for myself since I separated from my husband.
No I refuse to get in the habit of making myself dinner. I am sticking to my cereal and PB& J’s. Today was a treat and maybe I will treat myself every now and then but like I said it saves me money, a mess and time. But I just thought I would share, what a trip…
Then came the realization that you were always taught that there is meal time at the family table. Shut off the television, gather the children, ask the them how their day went. This is fundamental. Well, do I put my teddy bear at the chair and put a plate in front of him and make talk to him. Maybe I could skype and talk to someone as I eat. Instead I have two t.v. trays, one for my laptop, one holds my food and my fav shows are on television. Breakfast with Maury at 3 am and Fox News 4-5. Rush home do some quick chores and pour put the cereal in the bowl but don’t add the milk and ice cubes until Big Bang Theory starts. Oh how I love Sheldon…Are you out there Sheldon? I love you..Please marry me. I know you are gay, I promise I will be gentle!!
But I will tell you something, what a great feeling to not have to wonder every day after work, gee what do I make for dinner, or darn I need to stop at the market. I don’t need to rush home to prepare dinner either if I don’t want to. I get to go home if I want to and just curl up on the couch and grab my cereal and watch tv and not do anything if I don’t wanna, but if I do wanna extra treat like tonight, then I am going to cook me something. It will be my choice and my choice only. If I don’t wanna…then I’m not!
So as I sit here having breakfast with Maury, I look count the hours till Sheldon from Big Bang Theory and I shall have dinner together tonight…ohhhh I can hardly wait!!!
Ladies let me assure you, this is not every night. I go to good ol’ mama’s for dinner, I meet up with friends for dinner, I invite my kids over for dinner where I cook up a storm or I meet my kids for dinner. So fear not, I am not turning into a crazy hermit, this is about finding peace with the most important person you will spend time with…yourself. Bon Apetit!!!