Will Time Heal This Loneliness?
Can you believe it has been almost 2 years since I separated with my husband, and a year and a half since I had a boyfriend. It hear that you should wait and heal…So that is what I have done. Yup….waiting and waiting… Did I say I was waiting, yup, I am still here waiting. Been real good at it too. Some might say I have become a real pro. Went to see a movie and play pool with a male and made it real clear that he was not going to get to even first base so don’t even try. Well he tried. Being the pro that I am, I caught him right in his tracks. I said, “Oh no you don’t mistah! Don’t you know that I am working on me! Steve Harvey says if you like me, you have to wait around for six months”. Guess what? Ha! He never called again.
So a year and a half since my last boyfriend and I am waiting and healing and working on myself, I was watching some television and I don’t know what came over me, I felt lonely. It is happening a lot lately. No it isn’t horniness, so get that off your dirty mind. I just kinda, sorta, wish I had someone to joke around with, talk at, tease. male attention.
I love my girlfriends and my kids and my family, but there is a different dynamic with male attention and I don’t mean that you are even going to have sex with them. I am talking about the male-female friendship part of being a couple. I miss that.
I have had to learn to be happy by being by myself so even the mention that I feel lonely is such a taboo word. Guess what people…I do feel lonely a lot of the time, but I push that feeling down because I am not supposed to project that feeling or else it means I am not healing and man if I am not healing then will I ever get to where I should be to? Exactly where am I supposed to get anyways. Sometimes I don’t even know.
Tonight is a hiccup and it will pass, but there are days, nights, moments, where I fall off my little pink cloud and just feel like licking my wounds because there are still some that have not healed, ouch, it’s smarts still. Time right?
Don’t stare at the clock, just wait and let the time pass but don’t think of the time and one day the pain will be gone.
Please hurry Father Time….
How much time passed?
Are we there yet?
I wrote this not too long ago and I just realized that so much has changed. This is a sad post. Things are much better~!