I wish when he gets up early in the morning half asleep, he bumps his baby toe into the corner of the wall and cracks the nail right in half so hard it has him bouncing around cussing every “F”, “B” word in the book! Now that is the nicest thing I wish would happen to my ex. Honey a scorned woman is not to be messed with because we get pretty mad and our thoughts can get pretty wild. Not to mention when someone mentions his name I am real quick to throw in a few colorful “screw hims” and what not.
Then there are the days where I sit and can pull myself into a deep pond of loathe just thinking how he did me wrong. I know many can relate especially the ones who are betrayed.
My head becomes a popcorn machine popping new negative thoughts. I may call a friend to vent or sit there simmering but the thing is I am producing this negative energy within my body and making no attempt to stop it. I let the popcorn continue to pop and pop, more negative thoughts about him. My anger increases, or sadness develops,resentments builds.
Physically what is that negative energy doing to my body? For one thing creating stress that affects my heart, my skin…yes ladies we age when we worry instead of being happy, our immunity, the list goes on and on. So how do we stop it. You said it, STOP IT!!! Get up and do something to distract yourself. It isn’t that simple but it is worth a try isn’t it? Fight it.
In the end it is about ending up happy. It seems like we can never find that again but we will get there. Step one. Control those negative thoughts. Abolish them because it affects mind-body and soul!
My promise to myself. From this day forward, I will not speak or think ill of my ex. Think I am crazy…I am being so serious. You think it is doing him any harm me over here brooding over him having a new girlfriends and a big house while I sit alone in an apartment? Do you think it affects him while I curse him out in my head and lay on my couch depressed? Hell no! The only one it is hurting is me. He is over there getting his groove on and living his life.
I am not saying I am going to go seek out men and start bringing them in because Lord knows that is not what I want, but I need to stop living in my head. My friend says bless your enemies, I am going to do that. Good luck David with your new girl, it is not easy saying that but if I wish you well then maybe good will also happen for me and I need to go my way and start living. I will work on forgiving you.
I may need to take a few deep breaths because that was not easy to say or even type but I will go to sleep now and sleep on it with a bit of a heavy chest but hopefully each day it will be easier to say. Each day I will release this negative monster that is residing in my body and hopefully he will leave this precious body of mine and leave my happy little self.