THROW THE PAST AWAY

Throw the Past Away

“I made the decision to move to a smaller place…much smaller”, let me repeat the most important part, “I made the decision…”  I am no longer a child.  Mother no longer tells me when to go to bed, what to eat, or where to live.  My daughter moved out of our two bedroom apartment and I found myself paying a lot of money for an apartment that I found myself just sleeping in.  It felt like I was throwing money in the wind.

So why is it that packing is such torment to me.  I start and watch television or pick up my Face Book or do something unnecessary.  I actually sat there and read an article on how to pack.  Come on Catalina, just stop thinking and do it!  Nobody can help me because nobody knows what I want to keep, give away or toss, the part of sorting belongs to me.  When it comes to moving will be when I need the help.

Guess what.  I found out something about myself.  I have accumulated a lot of nothing, of knick-knacks that were useful for one time.  Pink beads that I was going to blind a sweater with, I don’t even own a pink sweater.  Lots and lots and lots of Valentine day ribbon, Ok I have ribbons for the next 20 Valentine days.  Gee I have been single for 2 ½ years so far, this may last me a long time.

Could this move have been a unconscious plan that was necessary, because I was starting to live in clutter.  I am a shopaholic and will buy the silliest things. I spent $100 on Halloween decorations for my desk and now have 3 huge bins and need to find a place to store them and I have to downsize and supposed to be saving money.  What is wrong with me.

This move is a higher calling.  I am torn, I am emotional but this is necessary for me.  During this process I will be looking at my belongings and realize item by item…is this necessary in your life or is this something from your past that you need to let go because it has lost its purpose.  Let the past go.  Earrings that someone gave me that have no match that I can not wear ever but I hold on because why.  Why am I holding on to it.  I don’t know.  A bottle of champagne from my anniversary 8 years ago that my husband and I went to the Madonna in and my husband slept the time and neither of us drink.  We are no longer together.  Why am I holding on to this.  Do I hold on to pictures of he and I together:?  I don’t know.  I don’t know how to do any of this.  Am I a hoarder?  I know you can walk through my house and it isn’t a path you need a compass with and you don’t need giant bins to clear it out and there isn’t feces everywhere.

But this hurts to let go part of me as trivial as it sounds, what does this mean, I don’t know.  It means that this is a journey I was meant to have.  Out with the old.  Let go of it.  The past is the past and that one earring means nothing and that bottle of champagne does nothing but remind me of what a horrible anniversary I had.  It is time to throw out all those bad memories and start afresh.  Is that why I am finding dimes Oh Lord?  I am on the right path aren’t I?  Ok I will stop fighting this move and see this as a positive thing.  Today will be a productive day and tossing doesn’t mean tossing my soul, it is making room for much more experiences…  Tah Dah…  Marvelous how we can turn things around in our head just like that if we try!!!  Have a blessed day!!