GOD IS STILL WORKING ON ME

GOD IS STILL WORKING ON ME

To the single women out there, are you like me and your focus is where are all the single men.  Are you thinking you know what will make you whole again…a real nice man?  Really?  I am laying here thinking so very different little by little every day.  Don’t get me wrong I backslide a lot.  That loneliness is a mo fo.  Sitting in an apartment alone, is a mutha!  I get up off the couch… I go to the refridgerator… I look then, I close it… I walk in my bedroom and look in there…what am I looking for.  I go in the bathroom, do I need to go?  Not really.  What the hell I will go just a little just for something to do.  I have bought crafts that sit in the bag.  I leave and go get food and there it sits in the fridge because I really wasn’t hungry.

I don’t know what to do with myself because I am bored and don’t know what to do with myself.  But I picked up a book and started reading and started looking within and thought, do I really feel ready for a relationship?   I am bothered, it isn’t just about having someone to entertain me anymore, it is deeper than that.  There is something deep inside of me that is trying to tell me something about me.  Like a purpose maybe.  Like men need to not take my focus now.  But I won’t be able to truly grasp what it is because I am so focused on loneliness and whining that I can’t focus on this deeper meaning that I am supposed to be working on myself.  We all have a calling or purpose in this life.  Love is wonderful, romance is beautiful.  There is a reason a man has not shown up in my life now and I need to become aware of that and accept that as a part of a plan not a curse.  Men are not our universe, they are yummy frosting on the cake but they are not the cake…I need to focus on the cake…and so let me start working on finding what ingredients I need for my cake. Why am I looking for frosting when I don’t even have cake yet??? Right now  God is still working on me now…  and if I really get my stuff together…I may even be able to put a cherry on top…woo hoo bet that will be real yummy!!!