My blogs have stopped because I felt I was unworthy of giving empowering words. Things were easy when I thought he was missing me and oh well I have a boyfriend who shows me attention. Life is great, I’m great and this divorce thing is a piece of cake…
Then I kept getting dumped and the horror…I couldn’t find a stable guy, they had no jobs, were criminals, or just plain losers…and I’m amazing aren’t I? Yet he was horrible and he had the girls tearing down his door.
I was alone, back at mom’s…and he settled down with someone. I found her kicking back at the home we were supposed to raise our grandchildren in. She was pretty, was nice, had a career…AND WAS 15 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME!
This is what we call needing to accept reality. As I had in the past, I am trying for the millionth time, to pick myself up and start all over again from scratch.
Situation: I felt humiliated, rejected, depressed because my husband dumped me and got a new young, woman.
Get control of yourself! This is only going to happen if I accept he moved on.
Start the process over:
• Grieve: I know I did a lot of this. I am the “wah-wah” woman. I got this part down.
• Realize: This is reality, I had to grasp that I was no longer his wife and he is his own person. People move on and isn’t that what I want for myself so why was I chastising him as a horrible human being. I know it is hard, but what if a man is placed in front of me and they say “Love him and spend the rest of your life with him.” But I couldn’t.
We can’t force ourselves to feel for somebody. Should he have to stay in a relationship where he just can’t love me? Is that not selfish of me? The reality is, it’s not his fault if he doesn’t have feelings for me.
• Have Patience: This hurt will not last forever. I must trust the process of life, happiness, sadness, tragedy and finally peace. But the process has needs active participation from me.
• Forgive: I have to learn to forgive him and yup, that woman he is porking too. Yuck, it was hard, it is so very hard.
• Accept: Acceptance is necessary, and at some point, I need not fight the past. It means seeing things clearly.
Remember I am forgiving for myself, not for him. I never have to say the words to him. I am doing it as a healing practice so I can live and be happy again.
I need to always remember that I am in control of my happiness and it is none of my business anymore what he is doing, we are no longer together.
“One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, is to forgive.”
Kubler-Ross’ five stages of grief applies to divorce as much as illness. I get it though. My ex showed up at the daughters graduation with the same guy she met in divorce care class before the divorce. She’s got him, our daughter, house and neighborhood. But I”m a kinder, gentlier, more aware person than I ever was before. I have friends, male and female, more than ever before. True, no one to sleep with or have sex with or come home to, but…still better than coming home to anger and sleeping in the basement. And I’ve grown to love my apartment, far more than her house. Hang tight. Focus on the positive. Don’t drive down the highway looking in the rear view mirror….look ahead in the road!
Wow now I remember why I started bligging. Not to make money, not to make friends or get famous, it was to vent and I got the best gift, I started healing from hearing from wonderful people like yourself…thank u
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I started blogging after my first post-divorce relationship ended. Writing helped 🙂 Glad if the comments help!
It was great how you told us the bad news first and then helped those who may need to get through the mess to get to the good stuff. The other side takes awhile. Patience!
I have been married 3 times and so has my first. 7/8/78 we married. Ironically, 2 kids later and 6 years of marriage we got divorced. Yup. College sweethearts four years. Living together we found out so many differences. We love each other as friends.
Thank you, I always love your comments and your blog. I am right back where I am supposed to be.
Reblogged this on Starting Over After 50.