Now I am not going to say that I never get bitter, it is natural especially if you were the one that was left. Watch yourself and if you start talking like this, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY GETTING BITTER! Bitter alert, bitter alert!
Don’t sound like this:
- “Did you see his new ho, she is hideous!” (Even if she looks like Jennifer Anniston, you are going to go over her with a fine tooth comb and find something wrong).
- “Date? After my marriage I don’t want to see another man ever.” (Wait, I hear that Johnny Depp wants to go out with you, still swearing off men forever? Give it time and you will want to jump right back on the horse…literally).
- “All the good men are taken or gay!”, (Guess what there are men that were jilted too. There are men that chose careers before, widows, unhappily married men…gee the choices).
- “He is never going to find anyone like me!” (Can’t rule out, cloning can we?)
- “One day he is going to regret leaving me and by then it will be too late!” (Spoiler alert, men don’t break up marriages for anything. He made it final because for some reason the two of you were not mean to be. That is all, accept it.)
- “All men are alike!” (Whoah, whoah that is the ultimate “bitter woman” comment. Just like you are unique, so are men so do not sabotage your chances with limited thinking).
What other self-defeating things are you saying? On a serious note, that kind of thinking can really hold you back from becoming a happily single woman that is the prime catch for those eligible men out there. Trust me they are out there. Just realize, would you like to go out with a negative nilly? A man that is full of criticism or an optimistic person that see’s the lighter side of life. You have to attain the same qualities you are looking for a man. So when you start saying negative things, stop yourself and make yourself realize that is just your hurt and anger getting the best of you. Only you can control your thoughts.
“Hate. It has caused a lot of problems in this world but has not solved one yet.”
– Maya Angelou
I have compiled famous movie titles to describe my ex, my marriage and my sex life. Because sometimes it feels good to laugh!
Are they talking about a movie or my ex?
- Barfly (He was a fixture at Bobo’s the Bar)
- Bringing up the Baby (How many kids did I have?)
- Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (I wonder who will come home today?)
- Dumbo (Title says it all)
- Touch of Evil (Only a touch?)
- The Heartbreak Kid (Heart destroyer is more like it)
Dirty Harry (I have him soap and razors for his birthday?)
The following movie titles sure do sound like they are describing my marriage:
- The Crying Game (Day and night).
- The Damned (Oh yes I was).
- Sleeping with the Enemy (Sleeping with one eye open became a skill).
- Les Miserables (You said it!).
- One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (Not flew over, landed right in it).
- The Snake Pit (Rattlesnakes that is).
- The Good the Bad and the Ugly (I am the good…he takes what is left over).
Last but not least, I had a chuckle finding movie titles to describe…OUR SEX LIFE!
- Dawn of the Dead (Wait in the movie they actually moved).
- Nightmare on Elm Street (Nightmare on whatever my street was called).
- Much Ado About Nothing (Ado declare it was about nothing).
- It Happened One Night (Come to think about it, I faked it that night too).
- Gone with the Wind (Yup, there the sex drive just blew by).
- The Big Sleep (Is there one called the Big Headache?).
- Close Encounters of the Thirds Kind (28 years married, encounters of the third kind, that’s about right).
- Clueless (Skills boy, ya gotta get skills!).
- All is Quiet on the Western Front (and the Eastern, Southern and Northern!).
- The Big Chill (And that describes how hot my sex life really was).
Come on people this was fun…can you think of any?
Some signs are just too clear! You know it is time to divorce:
1. He always take you out on road trips to really nice places far far away. It would be nice if he would give me money too. It took two days to hitchhike home the last time.
2. Not only is Forensic Files his favorite new show, you notice he is taking notes.
3. Sex suddenly gets really good, so good the neighbors are complaining about the noise, as you pull up after a long day at work.
4. He doesn’t expect you to have breakfast ready before work, but his girlfriend does.
5. He is so excited to finally be a daddy, but not as happy as his girlfriend.
(I made these up…can anyone add any to them?)
It has been 2 ½ years since my husband asked me to move out and he wanted a divorce. I am fully aware that it is important to be civil to each other in front of the kids.
Who knows more about marriage and divorce, and marriage and divorce…CELEBRITIES! I found these and thought some of them were quite clever. Enjoy!
My husband and I have never considered divorce. Murder sometimes, but never divorce.
~ Joyce Brothers
Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.
~ Robin Williams
She cried—and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.
~ Tommy Manville
The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. ~ Johnny Carson
My mother always said don’t marry for money, divorce for money.
~ Wendy Liebman
You don’t know a women till you’ve met her in court.
~ Norman Mailer
Half of all marriages end in divorce—and then there are the really unhappy ones.
~ Joan Rivers
The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
~ Woody Allen
Divorce is one of the most financially traumatic things you can go through. Money spent on getting mad or getting even is money wasted.
A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I’m about $100,000 short.
~ Mickey Rooney
I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year.
~ Bette Davis
Take this marriage thing seriously—it has to last all the way to the divorce.
~ Roseanne Barr
To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy Mansion for a while.
~ James Caan
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor