Why Dating Right After A Break-Up Is All Bad!


Divorce is easy…so I thought!

Barely even hurt..so I thought!

I thought I was the divorce guru.  My hubby of almost 30 YEARS dumped me.  Know what happened to me? I grabbed me a new boyfriend in Vegas and life was all about finding cute clothes and keeping in shape because every three weeks I was taking off to Vegas to see shows and play with my new man.

That will show my ex, huh? Especially since he dumped me for another woman. How cool would it be for him to find out I  moved on and got a new man. Sounds like a plan, right? That’s how I was thinking. IN YOUR FACE! HA!

It wasn’t six months, the new guy dumped me. Dumped again. I panicked. My ex was with the same girl…Not a problem, in between crying spells, I signed up for online dating and omg, found the most amazing guy the next day. This was too easy.

I left the guy a good riddance message because I was dating a homicide detective. The hell with my ex and the ex, they were the ones who lost out,  because I was dating up now.

Two weeks later it was over. My depression grew worse. What was going on.


1. You never got the chance to grieve and mourn. Those feelings need to be experienced or they will come out other ways. I jumped right into another relationship like putting a cheap band-aid over a bleeding heart. Eventually that band-aid is going to give and all that pain will still come out. Until you are somewhat over wanting to pull the blanket over your head and sleep your life away, until you are back to work, socializing with friends, not crying at a drop of a hat. You are not ready. Be patient and comfort yourself through this process.

2. Are you just trying to fill a void in your heart. Maybe that relationship was toxic but your insecurities subconsciously make you feel like bad love was better than no love. If this is the case one of two things will happen. You will manipulate your ex back or end up in another relationship that is just as toxic. You will find yourself with the same kind of man.

Now I know why they tell you to wait before you start dating. You have to go through the pain and resolve it before you can fully give yourself to anyone else. You need to find your true self and reflect on what went wrong in your marriage. Mourn the death of your marriage.  That is one pain you cannot run from.
Not to mention I didn’t know how to be alone.  This time it is different, I mourned the death of my marriage and am enjoying this time to get to know me.

If there are any newly single people out there after a divorce, separation, I challenge you to stay single for 6 months at least.

I know there are some hot mama’s out there that are thinking no way, YES WAY! What have you got to lose. Maybe you will learn something about yourself.

The key though is not to see this as a punishment but a period to heal lovingly. A time to learn to sit with yourself.


What this is about is learning to be o.k. and at peace with yourself.  It is hard at first but you will get to the point where you will look forward to spending time with yourself.  We are amazing people, just so many of us have never peeled the layers to really get to know our true self.

3 thoughts on “Why Dating Right After A Break-Up Is All Bad!

  1. I had a 7 year gap between 2nd and 3rd husband. I have been single now the longest since a teen! Divorced last time in 2006. Wow. 2 years sine boyfriend gone. Take care!


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