Divorce is easy…so I thought!
Didn’t even hurt..so I thought!
I thought I was the divorce guru. My hubby of almost 30 YEARS dumped me. Know what happened to me? I grabbed me a new boyfriend in Vegas and life was all about finding cute clothes and keeping in shape. Every three weeks I was taking off to Vegas to see shows and play with my new man.
That will show my ex, huh? Especially since he dumped me for another woman. How cool would it be for him to find out I moved on and got a new man. Sounds like a plan, right? That’s how I was thinking. IN YOUR FACE! HA!
It wasn’t six months, the new guy dumped me. Dumped again. I panicked. My ex was with the same girl. Not a problem, between crying spells, I signed up for online dating and omg, found the most amazing guy the next day. This was too easy.
I left the guy a good riddance message because I was dating a homicide detective. The Hell with my ex and the new ex, they were the ones who lost out, because I was dating up now.
Guess what happened two weeks later? Dumped again! My depression grew worse. What was going on.
DATING TOO SOON RIGHT AFTER A BREAK-UP, THAT’S WHAT! Want to know why?
1. You never got the chance to grieve and mourn. You need to sit with the pain and it is ok. I jumped right into another relationship. It was like putting a cheap Band-Aid over a bleeding heart. Sooner or later that Band-Aid is going to give and all that pain will still come out. Still crying, sleeping too much? You are not ready. Be patient and comfort yourself through this process.
2. Are you trying to fill a void in your heart. Could it be you feel bad love is better than no love? If this is the case one of two things will happen. You will manipulate your ex back or end up in another relationship that is as toxic. You will find yourself with the same kind of man.
Now I know why they tell you to wait before you start dating. You have to go through the pain and resolve it before you can give yourself to anyone else. You need to find your true self and reflect on what went wrong in your marriage. Mourn the death of your marriage. That is one pain you cannot run from. Not to mention I didn’t know how to be alone. This time it is different, I mourned the death of my marriage and am enjoying this time to get to know me.
If you came out of a relationship, I challenge you to stay single for at least 6 months.
I know there are some hot mama’s out there that are thinking no way, YES WAY! What have you got to lose. You will learn something about yourself.
The key though is not to see this as a punishment but a period to heal . A time to learn to sit with yourself.
What this is about is learning to be o.k. and at peace with yourself. It is hard at first but you will get to the point where you will look forward to spending time with yourself. We are amazing people, it is that many of us have never peeled the layers to get to know our true self. Namaste