Did You Say Maybe It’s A Good Thing He Broke My Heart?

Free Me From My Pain

Free Me From My Pain

Yes I did and I mean it. You know that sweet heart of yours that somebody just stomped on and kicked around and it just hurts so bad because of what you went through? I am going to show you that you can turn that pain into a positive thing…YES YOU HEARD RIGHT, I SAID TURN YOUR HURT TO A POSITIVE HURT!

Let me let you in on something. I am writing this for your, and for me. Yup, I was just used in the worst way by somebody that was supposedly my best friend for over three years and I said ok I will date him and bam. Him knowing I have rejection and trust issues because of how badly I was abused by my husband for 25 years, what happens, I find out that he was just using me for money and sex. Obviously I was not even a friend because do you hurt somebody like that when they are your best friend for so many years?

So ask me how I feel right now. Why thank you for caring, I feel like there is something wrong with me and I am unloveable. My husband told me our whole marriage that I was going to end up alone, and now he is dating someone he really likes who is young and pretty and I made peace with it, but darn.

So are you with me? Are we going to analyze this thing we are going through and turn it into a positive? Say yes, say yes…

Ok if you are on this paragraph you must of said yes. Cool. This is my belief, not belief it is a proven fact. When we go through hardships and pain and trauma we can do one of two things.

1. Resonate with that pain and allow ourselves to become a more compassionate loving person because we don’t want to hurt people. We know what it feels like to hurt. We become wiser from learning all this.

2. Or we can become bitter, anti-men, thinking all men are the same. Maybe become depressed and see life in a negative way from here on in.

Which one sounds better?

So where is the lesson in all this. Let’s use me for instance.

I knew this guy was a flake. Am I going to learn from my mistake or am I going to repeat it and go after more flakes. Maybe I should screen better and be more selective. With all this we definitely get wiser. This is my theory. My husband was not good to me, he abused me, verbally and physically and I was the one who begged him not to leave me. Who does that? someone that obviously doesn’t love themselves.

So maybe after him I should have taken time off men and worked me and learning to love Catalina. Nope, I ended up with some other guy that didn’t want commitment and how did I feel about myself when this guy thinks I am good enough to be a girlfriend but no no we are not talking about futures. He ended up leaving me.

So now did I learn that I needed to take a break and work on me, hell no, I ended up with this last guy. I figured God said. You know this girl is not learning her lesson so let me get someone that really really hurts her. This one is going to be a doozy and maybe then she will realize if she doesn’t work on her self worth, she is going to continue to accept men that treat her like shit.

So my assignment now is I have vented, I have cried, boy have I cried. Then I will start with my affirmations that I am going to start doing every day. I am reading Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life. Because I need to do some heavy forgiveness work, not for him, for me. Then I need to start this journey of healing and working on my self-worth.

This chick is going to have some real high standards when she looks for her next man in say, 5 years.

So in a nutshell:
a. What went wrong in my relationship. Was it maybe a blessing in disguise?
b. What could I learn from it?
c. I promise to be more loving and compassionate.
d. I allowed myself to grieve.
e. I vented and vomited all my feelings out.
f. I will do forgiveness work (I have a chapter on it)
g. I will practice self affirmations about loving myself.
h. I think I will treat myself to something nice today! An ice cream.

4 thoughts on “Did You Say Maybe It’s A Good Thing He Broke My Heart?

  1. Food for thought. Your first husband was abusive. He has not changed. That thought about him being happy with his new gal. Just a fear. If he was abusive with you, he is abusive with her. Believe me, I’ve been down that path and had those same fears. Many years later, the new gal contacted me and confirmed what my heart already knew. He was an abuser.

    Liked by 1 person

    • He stopped being abusive, but in order to be abusive in the first place you have to have a cruelty on your heart and I don’t think that ever goes away. So we stayed together after that and that is when I noticed he was just not present. It hit me this man did not love me. I died inside. In a way that was emotional abuse but I stayed. But this is how he will be to other women so yeah you are right


  2. Thank you for posting this, my fellow sister in the fight. I was just thinking today of the many times I hear the fact that God puts us or “lets us be” in circumstances that often suck because He is forcing us to grow and fulfill our true potential. Right now I am one month away from my divorce being final, a divorce that my ex-husband has enforced. Just like you, I too begged and pleaded for him not to break up our family. Did it for days, sometimes hours a day, but he always said a hard “No!” During this painful time, I had been failing the “self love” path repeatedly but was still trying, and eventually I finally wrote him a goodbye letter. It was recommended by the book “Love Must be Tough” to either give your mate a “reality check”, and reel them back in, or let you end your hold on your mate with dignity and free you to start your journey. I wanted the former so we could use God to reshape our relationship and family. But he never took the bait, so I let him go and tried to focus on getting my life started again. Staying single for awhile and working on me was the plan, but then – BAM!!! Two months later I meet my current BOYFRIEND. And of course, relationship-wise he’s very similar to how my ex used to be: He’s totally into me, loves me intensely, has to have some form of contact with me everyday, thinks I’m perfect (even with my stretch marks, LOL), etc. But here’s the catch: He has a job where he’s often out of town, and two small children that he has over the weekend. So we see eachother only 1-2 times a week. Plus he is not making a huge effort to integrate me into his life, even though he says he is super serious about me. I haven’t met any of his family or children yet, and it’s been 8 months! He tells me his family has been asking about me, but ignorantly he won’t budge to “make it happen.” So on me this has been HARD, and I’ve been really lonely. At first I was so dependent on him, and loved him intensely as well. I still have to deal with my ex from time to time since we have a 5 year old together, so I’d cling to my boyfriend after dealing with my sad situation. I would treat every moment together like it was food for my heart! But I feel that God has kept us apart to FORCE me to focus on growing and getting my life back together. After a while of being lonely and frustrated, I got TIRED of being like this, and have recently started working on distancing myself. God not allowing me fully into my BF’s life has actually made it easier for me to lessen my dependence on the relationship. I used to talk with my BF for hours, and now it’s an hour or day or less. I no longer try super hard to scoop out time for us to be together. I got a temp job and make good money that I’ve been saving up for the future, and this helps me stay busy and focused. I’ve felt a lot better since I’ve started doing this, and am starting to realize that I don’t need him so much. He’s not comfortable with this, he says he misses talking with me so much, etc. But in my mind, he is not making the effort I need, and the longer he waits to do so, the more we fade away. And that will help lessen the blow for the both of us. He’s been dumped many times before and I don’t want to hurt him the same way. But I figure the less we talk, and the less he does to integrate me into his life, the easier it will be for me to become more self reliant and finally let it go. I know that God has big plans for me and my son, and I have to make the space needed to accept His blessing.

    It’s funny, I was googling “men suck the life out of you” when I ended up at your blog entry addressing this thought! Thanks so much! ❤


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