The Support You Need is Out There…

I packed my bags, and jus started driving to destination unknown. I got mad, I have been a caterpillar way too long. It’s time to break out of this cocoon that threatened to suffocate me. Time to do what feels uncomfortable, drive, venture out, and alone.

Visions of me up in the mountains danced around as I sped my silver Honda Coupe. That is where I will find my independence. Oh yes I could see it now, setting up a tent by myself, chopping wood for a fire, cooking pancakes over propane. I felt buds on my upper shoulder blades, “Oh Yes, my wings were aching to break free!” In my mind’s eye, I saw my beauty soaring through the peaks of the mountainside. My wings pulled me up so high and held me in flight as I looked down at my painful past as I let out a vicious roar! (It’s my vision ok).

That early evening as dark clouds came over the canyon my way, I noticed I forgot to grab the rain guard for the tarp. WHAT@! Not a problem, I had to go to Wal-Mart, and I hear there are those new pop up tents are so easy even a girl could set them up. Oh…please no hate mail. Of course we can set up any tent…

Two hours later, the sky was darker and in my tankie and shorts I start my tent set up. As if on cue, the wind picked up. I pulled the canvas this way, the wind flipped it the other way. I got one stick in the slot and on the way other side, the other stick popped out of its slot. Finally a man with a short beard and kind blue eyes saw me and asked if I needed help. YES…oh did I say it too quick?

Now I lay here in my tent thinking, this is not how its supposed to be happen. The walls are trembling in fear as the wind and rain amuse themselves playing tug of war with my tent. It pulls to the left, to the right, to and fro which way will it take off? Oh please don’t let if go! The temperature dropped to the low 40s and all I brought were summer clothes.

I failed again. I lay in a heap of towels, sheets and everything else I could find shuddering and so cold. My tiny tent cocooned me.  I was not soaring, I was stuck in my tiny tent like a worm, a big fat sad worm. I was sobbing thinking of how I missed my kids. I want to go home.

I get up and run to my car in the rain to look for any other thing to keep me warm. Then a blur of something come whipping up in a golf cart through the rain. “Hi, I didn’t want to intrude but I saw your tent and thought you need this.” This angelic woman all bundled in a rain coat had a small space heater on her lap. I chit chatted a bit but not too long because I thought my face was swollen from crying. She then turned her cart around and sped away. And she was gone. That’s when I saw the glow of white feathers peeking under her coat…(It’s my vision and I am sticking to it).

It only took a few minutes and my small tent started to get warm. I lay there and thought, look at me. I am out in the wilderness alone. Yeah, ok so I blubbered for a bit, ok for a long bit…but I looked around me and thought. This is brave! I don’t know any other woman, besides in movies, that has the courage to do what I did.  I’m a BAD ASS!

The next morning I put together a care package to thank the lovely neighbor who lent me the heater. As I looked at her place, this is what I saw on her porch…

They were all over her porch, her house. I am telling you things do not just happen out of nowhere…