Letter to My Ex

You told me I was worthless, you are right, because I became to believe everything you said…

Do you remember when we met, I was so shy and naïve that they had to literally drag me out the house to meet you. I kept my head down staring at my feet, no way could I look at your eyes. You were what I needed in my lonely life. You had friends, a social life and pulled me out of my isolation and into your circle of friends. That first year was so exciting as I could say, I had a boyfriend. I really didn’t have any friends to tell this to so I would write imaginary letters describing my exciting new relationship…

Crazy huh? That’s what you called me, all the time. You referred to me as insane, Sybil, psycho. To my face and to all your friends, as I stood there. It got to the point where your friends would call me Sybil, that was the favorite and you would all laugh. All those nights you would disappear and I grew scared, I cant lose you. I had begun to believe your words, I was crazy and deranged and nobody else was going to want me. I would end up like my mother…fat, and alone. Instead of getting mad, I got scared and I chased after you. You could not stop loving me because I needed you to love me again.

I was a young girl who lost my innocence and youth to you. I was far from perfect but my love for you was pure till the end..but you fucked me up, pardon my French but no other word captures what you did to my soul. You belittled me from my head to my toes. Remember when I was looking at a skirt at the swap meet and you snickered and said I didn’t have the body for that, yet you broke your neck when someone curvy walked by not caring that I was standing right there. You told me I had a typewriter butt, flat and spread out and would laugh out loud at how comical my body was. Like a cartoon character you told me, as I burst into tear Sarah scolded to not make her mommy cry.

This is all for now…my stomach hurts and I cant stop the tears as I remember what life was like.

Enable me my Lord, to shift emotionally, to grow in wholeness. My broken bones have since healed, but the worst injury is inside my soul…

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