Do you Remember the first day we met
So shy I didn’t want to meet you
They took me kicking and screaming
Forced me to sit right next to you
I kept my head down eyes down
Eye contact with a boy? No way
But Your persistence fed my void
Your popularity fed my lineliness
You had friends went to parties
You pulled me from isolation
I felt included but more exciting
I had a boyfriend, who loved me
couldnt keep his hands off me
i felt special, and it was real
Not like the imaginary friends I had
who I wrote to brag about you
yes they were real letters
That’s what you always called me,
Well there was also psycho sybil
You loved to tell me in my face
And if your friends were there,
You didn’t care if it hurt me
Even your friends could join too
The laughter the fun at my expensSe
Night after night you stood me up
You just disappeared, out all night
I cant lose you.
I had begun to believe your words,
I was crazy and deranged and nobody else was going to want me. I would end up like my mother…fat, and alone. Instead of getting mad, I got scared and I chased after you. You could not stop loving me because I needed you to love me again.
I was a young girl who lost my innocence and youth to you. I was far from perfect but my love for you was pure till the end..but you fucked me up, pardon my French but no other word captures what you did to my soul. You belittled me from my head to my toes. Remember when I was looking at a skirt at the swap meet and you snickered and said I didn’t have the body for that, yet you broke your neck when someone curvy walked by not caring that I was standing right there. You told me I had a typewriter butt, flat and spread out and would laugh out loud at how comical my body was. Like a cartoon character you told me, as I burst into tear Sarah scolded to not make her mommy cry.
This is all for now…my stomach hurts and I cant stop the tears as I remember what life was like.
Enable me my Lord, to shift emotionally, to grow in wholeness. My broken bones have since healed, but the worst injury is inside my soul…