Letter to My Ex

Do you Remember the first day we met

So shy I didn’t want to meet you

They  took me kicking and screaming

Forced me to sit right next to you

I kept my head down eyes down

Eye contact with a boy? No way

But Your persistence fed my void

Your popularity fed my lineliness

You had friends went to parties

You pulled me from isolation

I felt included but more exciting

I had a boyfriend, who loved me

couldnt keep his hands off me

i felt special, and it was real

Not like the imaginary friends I had

who I wrote to brag about you 

yes they were real letters 

Crazy huh?

That’s what you always called me,

Well there was also psycho sybil

You loved to tell me in my face

And if your friends were there,

You didn’t care if it hurt me

Even your friends could join too

The laughter the fun at my expensSe

Night after night you stood me up

You just disappeared, out all night

I cant lose you.
I had begun to believe your words,

I was crazy and deranged and nobody else was going to want me. I would end up like my mother…fat, and alone. Instead of getting mad, I got scared and I chased after you. You could not stop loving me because I needed you to love me again.

I was a young girl who lost my innocence and youth to you. I was far from perfect but my love for you was pure till the end..but you fucked me up, pardon my French but no other word captures what you did to my soul. You belittled me from my head to my toes. Remember when I was looking at a skirt at the swap meet and you snickered and said I didn’t have the body for that, yet you broke your neck when someone curvy walked by not caring that I was standing right there. You told me I had a typewriter butt, flat and spread out and would laugh out loud at how comical my body was. Like a cartoon character you told me, as I burst into tear Sarah scolded to not make her mommy cry.

This is all for now…my stomach hurts and I cant stop the tears as I remember what life was like.

Enable me my Lord, to shift emotionally, to grow in wholeness. My broken bones have since healed, but the worst injury is inside my soul…