Trust me, I realize i resonate with the word “broken record”. I try to brush it off but when I see my ex jump around running for his phone, dash out the door and answer to his girlfriends every whim…grrr it goes through me.
How does one not feel inferior when you see that your ex can treat a woman lovingly, the worst feeling is realizing, wow, he really never loved me..
Are you one of those people where it shows that you have been single for too long. Quick run to a mirror and tell me what you see. I did just that, and I thought, what if someone dashing prince in shining armor showed up at my door and said, “Darling, jump on my stallion and let’s go on a date.”
Would I swing the door open? Heck No! I would do a mad Matrix and turn out all the lights, and crawl behind the couch and hide.
As I stood in the mirror, I did an evaluation from head to toe what would have to happen before I could swing that door open…starting at my feet.
Feet: Full on pedi! And when I say full on, I mean FULL ON! I am talking bring out the sandblaster for my calloused. Replace the polish that I put on three months ago. Scrape all that stuff off.
Legs: Any teachers need a chalkboard? Not only are they hairy, but dang are they dry and chalky. I need a good razor and some very rehydrating lotion.
My Nature: Not to be TMI…Does anyone have a weed wacker? Yeah I know, but when you don’t have a man, why bothers,
Face: Ok I am just going to say it, when did all this hair get out of control, I have the unibrow with whiskers coming on strong,
Hair: Do I embrace the gray or dye it away?
Let’s not even start on my body. Wow when did I get that flab pocket here and there…
Yeah, I am not going on any dates soon, I am going to need at least a thousand dollars for a make over…
Yay, the holidays are coming! Can hardly wait to sit around that family table, when all attention spotlights on you and that infamous question comes, “Are you still single?”
Really? Amongst the sea of coupled up cousins and siblings, there you sit…ALONE! Ugh no more. I have compiled a list of comebacks that will move that conversation elsewhere.
1. Oh yes, I have learned to respect myself and weirdly, only want people in my life who feel the same way.
2. Of course, I prefer it to rushing into another shitty relationship.
3. Yup, and that’s how I will stay until someone make my existence better, not worse.
4. I found that when I got comfortable being alone, I finally am able to tell the difference between, is this love or am I just lonely.
5. Yes, but boy it takes a lot of strength staying single in a society that would rather settle just so they can say they are with someone.
Make sure you turn your attention to that couple who are always bickering…then smile big and dig into your pie!
My daughter wanted me by her side every moment of her free time.
We were thr best of friends…so I thought.
She was proud of all the things I’ve went through in life because I did it being a depressed person…that was then.
We had each others backs and were each others biggest cheerleaders…when did it change?
When she got engaged and no longer saw me through the eyes of a daughter. She started seeing me as her new fiancee was seeing me too. Her disgust had to prove, she would never end up like me. Her disapproval had to show how far from normal I was and nothing she herself could ever be like.
Her prince came into her life as I always prayed would happen. Someone dashing and worthwhile because she deserved the best.
And me? I became the troll kept hidden beneath the bridge. Too gruesome to go near.
Another day with this dark weight on my very existence. I barely got out of bed at 3 pm and now as the clock inches to nightfall, my bed calls me. If promises me comfort in an otherwise dark world that has given up on me.
Sleep offers an escape from pain from loneliness.
So to my depression I say good night, thank you for another day robbed from me.
Depression, thank you very much for invading my life and just taking it over. You are like a mobster that breaks in a house and just starts ripping everything you find. You flip over couches, spray paint over any beautiful paintings you see, break all the beautiful china wear you find.
Depression you have robbed me of any motivation to be the best me because of you there is nothing best about me in fact thank you for making me loathe my very existence.
You have taken my daughter from me, she wants nothing to do with someone who isn’t good in her life. I love that girl dearly but to her I am nothing but scum.
You have robbed me from love, when you can’t love yourself, nobody can love you either.
You have robbed me of joy, laughter, friendships as I isolate and hide in my bed for days.
I have nothing to give to this Earth because I am nothing and I wish this depression would leave me now. I am 50, can I have some joy for the remainder of my life?