Once you click “send”, it’s too late…it is gone and you cant take it back.
Tonight after 6 years apart I sent him a text, “Are you over me forever?” The question hung out in that cyber air, floating like a wayward deflating balloon a day too old. Not quite enough helium to make it fly in all its majestic beauty, on contrary, it was barely enough to make it sludge itself along the floor.
10 long minutes past and still my screen held only my pitiful words, not even a sorry, how about I wish..
What if his words would be, Fuck no! Are you crazy! That would be more than I could bare so I texted.
“Please forget I said anything, please pretend I never asked,”
That was an hour ago and my phone only displayed a screen that appeared like I was only talking to myself…..
When do you ever get over it. I. Known as dumb because I think like this. I guess you just ignore it all….
Trust me, I realize i resonate with the word “broken record”. I try to brush it off but when I see my ex jump around running for his phone, dash out the door and answer to his girlfriends every whim…grrr it goes through me.
How does one not feel inferior when you see that your ex can treat a woman lovingly, the worst feeling is realizing, wow, he really never loved me..
Are you one of those people where it shows that you have been single for too long. Quick run to a mirror and tell me what you see. I did just that, and I thought, what if someone dashing prince in shining armor showed up at my door and said, “Darling, jump on my stallion and let’s go on a date.”
Would I swing the door open? Heck No! I would do a mad Matrix and turn out all the lights, and crawl behind the couch and hide.
As I stood in the mirror, I did an evaluation from head to toe what would have to happen before I could swing that door open…starting at my feet.
Feet: Full on pedi! And when I say full on, I mean FULL ON! I am talking bring out the sandblaster for my calloused. Replace the polish that I put on three months ago. Scrape all that stuff off.
Legs: Any teachers need a chalkboard? Not only are they hairy, but dang are they dry and chalky. I need a good razor and some very rehydrating lotion.
My Nature: Not to be TMI…Does anyone have a weed wacker? Yeah I know, but when you don’t have a man, why bothers,
Face: Ok I am just going to say it, when did all this hair get out of control, I have the unibrow with whiskers coming on strong,
Hair: Do I embrace the gray or dye it away?
Let’s not even start on my body. Wow when did I get that flab pocket here and there…
Yeah, I am not going on any dates soon, I am going to need at least a thousand dollars for a make over…
My daughter wanted me by her side every moment of her free time.
We were thr best of friends…so I thought.
She was proud of all the things I’ve went through in life because I did it being a depressed person…that was then.
We had each others backs and were each others biggest cheerleaders…when did it change?
When she got engaged and no longer saw me through the eyes of a daughter. She started seeing me as her new fiancee was seeing me too. Her disgust had to prove, she would never end up like me. Her disapproval had to show how far from normal I was and nothing she herself could ever be like.
Her prince came into her life as I always prayed would happen. Someone dashing and worthwhile because she deserved the best.
And me? I became the troll kept hidden beneath the bridge. Too gruesome to go near.
Another day with this dark weight on my very existence. I barely got out of bed at 3 pm and now as the clock inches to nightfall, my bed calls me. If promises me comfort in an otherwise dark world that has given up on me.
Sleep offers an escape from pain from loneliness.
So to my depression I say good night, thank you for another day robbed from me.