MAYBE I’M READY TO THINK ABOUT MEN

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MAYBE I WANT TO THINK OF A MAN NOW

I am well aware of the new thoughts of the nowadays…it is not about finding happiness in a man, don’t look for love until you learn to love yourself…yeah yeah yeah…I know all about that song and dance. I think I wrote that book, or at least read it. Oh and let’s not forget that one that is kinda chilling but we best be ok with, maybe God didn’t put us on this Earth to be with a man, maybe just maybe you will be by yourself and that is ok so learn to fulfill yourself with books and friends and movies and and and…

We are putting all that on the back burner for now ok. We are going to pretend a Magic Lamp washed up my drain and I rubbed and a Magic Genie popped up and said I am the Magic Genie of Love…Tell me what kind of man you would like me to grant you your wish will be granted!…
Like always I always go overboard, but come on ladies, its’ important for you to put what qualities you want in a man out there to the Universe…Think about. Have you thought about what kind of man you would like, I do, all the time. I am a romantic and I do want to be the kind of woman that doesn’t want a man to be happy, ..oh yeah we are leaving all that out…I forgot…Ok we are back to the wish for what kind of man I want…

Pleasant to look at of course, affectionate…I spent almost 30 years with a man that would cringe if I would lay a finger on him unless he wanted to get his rocks off..yuck…I am very affectionate, I am touchy feely, I meet people and I hug, I cuddle..so I want a teddy bear man…romantic, surprise me with little things, doesn’t have to be expensive, thoughtful things that show me you are thinking of me. And then the basics, responsible, respectful, unviolent, good in bed (that is a must, if not there is the door), good sense of humor…very necessary with me, and the quality that is by far the most important of all, someone feels that I am very very important to them…when this dies…that is when the relationship dies.
So Universe…I put my wish list out there!!!

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FEELING VOID WITHOUT A MAN!!!

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Friends Fill a Man Void!!

I admit I have been feeling a void lately. Some sort of emptiness in my gut.
Symptoms?
• Maybe a little, not so much sad, I’m past that stage. More like blah!
Know what I mean? Don’t get me wrong, I can still get up in the morning
and bounce around to my happy tunes, and be happy happy joy joy! But a
blahness cloud hovers over me like a helicopter. If you are feeling it you
know what I mean. Cause it is hard to explain and if you don’t understand
you are giving me a headache trying to explain it to you cause there is no
dictionary word for it!!
• Been munching on the Snickers, Big Macs, Oreos.…Little snack here, little
snack there, here a snack, there a snack, everywhere a snack snack!!…get
the picture…
• I wake up in the morning super, super early and a friend actually asked me
if I am worrying over something. I know I have a lot to worry about, but
no I don’t feel anxious about anything, yet I can’t keep my butt in bed
past 3 a.m. and I am going to sleep late. So I am not resting well.
• Biggest of all. I have this feeling like something is lacking. I am
pacing. I feel something is missing. I can’t explain it but I can’t fill
something that is missing if I don’t know what is missing.

I AM FEELING VOID!!!!

Now I have been given a second chance in life. I call my life without my husband my second life and so far…AHHH! When the cloud lifts, ladies let me tell you, oh my God the view from up here is b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l!!!

Now there is always going to be a smart aleck that is going to say, if it is so great why you feeling so void! Always a critic, huh! I DON’T KNOW WHY OR ELSE I WOULDN’T BE ASKING THIS MYSELF!!! I am not Gandi, I am a human being, remember! Jeez!

So let’s get back on track! This void I am feeling, I have to do something about it. For one thing this snack snack here and there, well let me tell you something thing, I already gained 6 pounds and it doesn’t look like it is going to stop itself! So if I don’t want to find myself a little porker again, I better stop IT! And FAST! I should send my before and after so you gals could see what I am talking about…Snack snack here and there can do a lot of damage!

What we do with that void varies from woman to woman, some do like me…snack snack. Some do man man. Let us focus on that.

That feeling of void, I have come a far far way since I have found my independence and there is one thing I will not do again. I will not ever ever depend on no man to fill that void. My happiness will never be dependent on no man. My identity will never be dependent on no man. If I am feeling discontent the last thing I want to do is get in the habit of calling any male that I am seeing because I get dependent on him to fix how I am feeling and that is how I got myself so fixated on a man to fix me and make me feel pretty, make me feel happy, make me feel whole, make me feel like I am important, make me feel needed. All hogwash! I will definitely take myself back to the caveman days if I start doing that again.

So I go to myself to fill that void. It is all about making myself feel happier than I am feeling. It is all about getting busier than I am. Something is happening and I am being too idle. I am forgetting my spirituality. I need to look at what I am forgetting to do. Am I forgetting to be grateful in the morning? Am I forgetting to pray? Am I forgetting to dance and laugh and say affirmations that I deserve all the happiness in the world to be mine.

And what about this idle time. I do not what to call a man and expect him to fill my neediness. Yeah it is nice to spend some extra time with a male companion when I want to have fun, but there is a difference. I am feeling needy and void. This is the last time I want to call a man and ask him to spend time with him, do you know who you call to spend time with you? YOUR FRIENDS!!

THAT’S RIGHT… Your soul sisters! Through thick and thin..and you best believe that if they are ever in need of your time, you are going to do the same for them. Make some girlie girl time. My friends and I are a bit on the “tight budget” side. So I sent out an email and said, let’s do a gathering in the park, picnic style, everyone pack a brown bag and make a sandwich of your liking. The weather is getting nice. I explained my feeling of “void” and I miss them and let’s have some “girlie girl time”. Unless they rather go spend it with their “Hawty Tawty Friends” and some fancy restaurant. Everyone was keen on the idea!

Suddenly that void in the pit of my tummy started to go away. Ah ha! No man needed after all!! In the past I would run to a man to define me, redeem me, approve of me, save me, and worse of all, tell me I was ok…and when they didn’t and they didn’t…guess what…I wasn’t any of the above. So my job now is to not repeat the cycle. This is not any man’s job anymore! I take that away from him! Thank God!!! Whew…cause if I end up with some jerk again and give him that power, jeez I end up pretty screwed up! No my sisters…first we love ourselves…and we give that power to ourselves!!!

Ahhhh!! My belly is feeling pretty damn good right about now!!

READY TO DATE AGAIN!!!

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Are We Ready To Date

I have been focusing more and more on jumping back on the saddle (dating) because guess what, some of us feel that it is a good pain buffer. This is not for everyone. I will never ever be talking about booty call. If you feel you are-a- together kind of person that you can do a mystery man and feel good about yourself then baby you run with it. Put on those high heels and go find that different flavor of the week every night if you can and go-play! Chase that booty.

Personally, I have said it once and I will say it again, women are not wired for that type of thing. Our self-esteem will start to do a nose dive and you won’t understand why but I will tell you why, cause you are letting every Peter, Paul and Dick put their Peter, Dick and I do mean “peter” and “dick” in what you are supposed to keep sacred…your “cookie”! (My vagina is a cookie so we are going to call your vagina a cookie) It is my blog so it is my rules! But hey it’s your cookie so as you want with yours. If you want to let the men line up around the corner and take a number…carry on girlfriend…carry on!

For the rest of us who have sacred and valued “cookies”, you may be wondering where are we to meet these wonderful bachelors. Obviously if Trixie who is handing her cookie out to Peter, Paul and Dick is finding them we should have no problem. One thing to remember though, Trixie is probably not being too selective. We want selective Grade A don’t we? Maybe we had 50% ground round beef last time with a lots of gristle, we are ready for some prime rib or hey, how about some filet mignon…hmmm. Remember that commercial, beautiful blonde swaying her blonde locks, “I use Loreal, cause I’m worth it!” Well honey, sway that whole body, cause know it baby, you are worth filet mignon. If you don’t think so. Then you stop reading this right now, you are not ready to date or even look at another man cause you are going to end up with chopped liver! If you don’t think you deserve it you still need to work on you and do some healing and learn to do some loving you homework. When we don’t feel worthy of ourselves, do you know what we are going to attract? I am not talking looks here. We could attract some guy that looks like Brad Pitt and did we strike up a gold mine?

Clean up that drool ladies, I’m not done here. What if this Brad Pitt takes us home and spits loogies in our hair and calls us fat ass and beats the shit out of us and doesn’t work, while we are at it drinks a pint of whiskey every day, but hey he sure does look good. Did we strike a gold mine???? Hell to the NO!!!

If we have low self-worth, we don’t demand much respect for ourselves. We will accept being treated like poop cause we feel like poop. Now if we feel like we are queen of the Nile, hey no man better even look at us wrong, “Off with his head, dirty bastard looked at me wrong , Nobody looks at ME wrong!” So if you don’t love yourself or have self-worth …don ’t you think you need to work on that before you expect a man to feel highly of someone you don’t even care about? So no you are not ready to date.

Now it may be that you never get completely over your ex. Don’t get scared let me explain. Right now I have a healthy anger against mine, when it subsides I love him. Let me clear this up. I am not romantically in love with him, have not been in a long time, I love him like a brother. I care what happens to him. I wonder how he is, I think about how he is doing, sometimes I miss talking to him because he is familiar to me as if he were a family member. I was with him since I was 17 and wow I am 47. Excuse me, this is kinda hitting me right now, 30 years is a long time…down the toilet…ok let’s get back on track…Sorry I have ADHD…seriously I do…so my mind goes wayward sometimes…but anyways…I do get angry at him sometimes because I wish he would have wanted to do the counseling thing to save the marriage but IN ALL HONESTY HE DID ME A FAVOR BY KICKING ME TO THE CURB. And I can say that my love for him is not a romantic love anymore, it is now more like loving him as a family member because like I said, he has been part of me since I was a teenager. I am ready for dating. Yay. Now if you are going on dates and you find yourself crying on the shoulder of your date about your husband this, your husband that, or ex-husband or ex-boyfriend. Oh he did this to you and that…chances are, you are using this poor sap you are dating as a rebound…you are not ready for dating. You need some more time to heal and get over the hurt from your ex…it’s ok don’t be sad…time…it all comes with time.

Some of us ladies have been hurt, some hurt really really bad, not once twice thrice frice…you get the picture…numerous times….What once was this happy joyous loving woman full of love to give is now a brick wall who wears a bra made of steal and granny panties to match and has a permanent frown to her brow. Mention a man to her, “Ha! Those good for nothing, lazy, woman chasing, can’t trust them alone in a room with a sheep, nothing but dogs!” Bitter, bitter, bitter! Boy did they do a number on this poor woman…there are a lot of woman out there like this. If you feel that every single man out there is a cheater, is a piece of sh__t, is a liar, only wants one thing. If this is you, well honey you are not ready to date.

There are good men out there, I have met lots of them, when I put my expectations up, that is when I found them. But you have to be ready too, spiritually and emotionally healthy. There is no race, there is no clock ticking saying you have to do it by such and such time. It will come to you in God’s time. Until then we have ourselves we are loving to be with. After we have healed, we have met someone we love being in the company of… ”ourselves” so what is the rush? Enjoy yourself, enjoy your girlfriends. Girlfriends are the best gift you can give yourself. Go, go to the movies, go travel, go have wonderful food, experiment with foods you never tasted before, jump on the bus…where is it taking you…who cares…grab a friend by the arm and say let’s go on an adventure! You never know who you might meet when you least expect it!

I DEMAND RESPECT NOW!!!

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Respect From a Man

Today is a new day my lady friends, my chickadees! We are all in different stages of separation, some of us cannot fathom the thought of another man. Yeah right they can’t get the after taste of the one they just got rid of out of their mouth…eww not what I meant ladies with a dirty mind!! Then we have women who are ready to jump back on the horse and try again and we have ladies who have been on the horse and have been all over town already if you know what I mean..giddy up cowgirl! All that is fine and dandy, no one is here to mother anyone, we know ourselves, hopefully we know what is best for us and that is what brings us to this next topic…Let me put on my pretend radio and see if you know what I am talking about…go ahead close your eyes and just listen…

There it goes…hear her…ah yes the sultry powerful voice of Aretha Franklin.. “R-E-S-P-E-C-T ..RESPECT! RESPECT!!! Give it to me! Give it to me!..” That’s right sing it Aretha…and girl you better be listening to this woman sing and not Diana Ross who sings about loving men who are with other women but that is ok cause she loves him so. Ha! That will be a cold day in heck! I go for Ms. Franklin’s words!

I am not just talking about faithfulness. If that is what caused your separation whether it was you’re doing or his, let’s hope that this is a line you know your new relationship will never do to you. We are demanding much more for ourselves now ladies!

We talk about boundaries and cheating is a boundary you just don’t cross. You ever hear those women, mostly in songs and movies where the woman is whipping her hair around, one hand is on her hip, she is waving a finger in the air, saying, “That’s alright honey, he may be laying with you tonight, be he always comes back home to me!” What??? Did someone drop this woman on her head, here she is all proud like she got her a gem. Yeah he comes home to her with what, lipstick stains?, Gonohreah? What is she standing on her soap box tooting her horn about like he is some trophy for. Is that a man you want to brag about. Puleeze!!! I would be hiding behind a bush if that were my man! Ladies don’t do this ok? Rule number one, we are never to be proud when our man goes plow another woman but loves us more and comes back to our house to wash off her remains and crash…not a compliment..ok? That is our big rule! Do you need to write that down to remind you? I hope not!

What else do we have. I want to talk subtleness here. We know the big signs of disrespect, porking the lady next door, spitting in our face, punching us in the nose, running us over with his semi diesel. All big signs, doesn’t take a rocket science right? Right! Do we want a gentleman or do we want a loogie spitting cave man…how he respects is going to weed them out honey…like I said subtleness.

When I say subtleness I am talking what are your boundaries …what are you willing to put up with. You need to be real clear cut when you see this man is not a Neanderthal on the outside and he is treating you pretty decent at the beginning…Guess what! We are all on our best behavior at the beginning…You are too! But as it becomes apparent that this may be someone you may want to spend a little more time with, it is ok to be open enough with him and tell him what your boundaries are. Now I am not saying you have to pull out this big long drawn out document and start yelling out demand…1. You are not to hock loogies in my hair…no! no!

While you are having dinner, or kicking it talking. You may ask him first. “What are some boundaries you do not want crossed…(and give him a few examples so he knows what you are talking about)like calling you names…, I would like to know”.

And listen to his lines that he would not like to be crossed. What are his deal breakers. You may be pleasantly surprised that you won’t have much to worry about because his wants may match very closely to yours.

Ah Ha!! Then it’s your turn. He should say, what about you and if not you don’t ask you just nonchalantly say, “For me…” and this is where we get down to business

What are deal breakers as Dr. Phil calls them. I keep saying subtleness for a reason. I like to compare myself in temperament to June Cleaver…You all remember the series Leave it To Beaver. I don’t consider myself too sensitive. I consider myself someone who demands a lot of respect and I too give that. I don’t believe in screaming at each other, I discuss things. My children were not allowed to say the word stupid when they were growing up because I found it offensive. I throw the F bomb now and then but not often. So my boundaries are going to be much higher, you may say, whoah the poor guy that ends up with her is going to have a hard time…really? I grew up in a home where there was no yelling, cursing everything that I demand, my home was a pleasant home. My home was a place of serenity. My home was a place where nobody was hurt physically or emotionally and in the end relationships were much more harmonious! I am the kind of person that will say, please don’t raise your voice at me, there is no need to. If you are mad, walk it off and then come back and discuss (without cussing) why you are angry. That is my motto. I will do the same. I will never yell at my man, I will never disrespect my man. This is what I call subtleness. So for me a man needs to be very mindful of how he treats me if he loves me enough to want me.

But hey everyone is different. Some people are fine being called hoes and bitches when they fight, and if that doesn’t hurt them to the core like it would me, then carry on. I feel it does something to a woman’s self-esteem to be treated like that. For me these are the boundaries.
• No name calling, anything besides my birth given name when we are angry can be misconstrued as a word used to hurt me.
• Don’t raise your voice at me. Walk away if you are that angry at me. Do not return till the anger subsides then we will “talk”.
• Don’t mock, laugh or downplay me or my feelings. This is a huge one for me.
• Don’t talk down to me. Like you are the adult and I am a child. Or I am stupid and not able to understand what you are saying to me.
• Don’t ogle or comment about other women in my presence.
• Don’t push me into anything sexually I don’t want to do…just cause you are into something, doesn’t mean I am going to be into it….maybe rubber chickens are not for me too.
• Don’t make an azz in front of my peeps. How you act in front of my peeps, reflects on me and what I put up with. You could be escorted away in a very humiliating way very quickly. While we are at it, don’t treat me uncordial in any way in front of your peeps either.

Fail all advice, if I don’t feel good about myself being with you, I don’t need to be with you!

I have been to hell and back with my ex, I have put up with all the above, I have put up with the most horrible of horrible verbal and physical abuse. I am moving forward in my life, not backwards. I don’t want a repeat of my past. The first almost century of my life is gone, I won’t say wasted because it was a lesson…now let the lesson begin. Now is the time to shine and show that all that pain was not for nothing. It was to use as a stepping stone to be a better me and now I demand a better you as a partner if you want to be part of my life!!!

Heard the saying, “Treat me like an Angel and I will take you to Heaven”…Oh baby and the trip will be so sweet!!

Catalina is in the house!!!

LEARNING TO TRUST AGAIN!!

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LEARNING TO TRUST AGAIN 2.28.13

I just came out of a really bad relationship. Wow really bad. I knew I was not going to go commit into any relationships but I did want to date. The question I was running into in my head was a really big issue…trusting a man. Ya see in my head I felt if given the opportunity any man would cheat if given the opportunity if they knew they would never be found out…they would cheat. Sorry dudes out there, that is my thinking. It all goes back to Psychology 101 the gatherers and the hunters (some know what I am talking about) it is ingrained in their psyche, they can’t help it. So am I to accept every man is going to cheat on me and just be blind to it, wow that is really sad! I mean really it doesn’t matter how beautiful you are, look at Hale Berry, her man cheated on her. What were my chances????

Was I going to think every man I was dating was seeing me as only a flavor of the week? Here’s a concept, don’t give him any of your goods, is he still sticking around? If he is there, well that is a bit closer to knowing he may like you for you.

Because even though we try, once our hearts have been betrayed, it feels like it will never be the same. Trust someone again, yeah right and give them the chance to do the same thing? I will never ever let anyone play a fool out of me again. Stupid once, not twice. Sound familiar. >

Nobody is rushing anyone, this is future talk ok. Do take the time. But remember, never ever give up on love. It is out there. When you fall, you dust yourself off and you go another direction and you try again. Love is beautiful. We do not want to be those “No bra wearing Men Hating Bitter Women Liberist “ do we? Give it some time to heal and get back on your bicycle and go down another path. We cannot give up on it. Listen I am going to go out on a limb and go looking for maybe not marriage but someone that I really like and if it happens to turn into love, then that is my gift. I am not going out expecting it, would I like it, hell yeah I would like someone to fall in love with me, what woman doesn’t want that precious feeling. So I am not going to kick every man in the teeth that asks me out because I don’t trust him. Innocent till proven guilty…No? I’ll give him the rope, if he chooses to hang himself, well then that’s on him. I am a romantic and no I am not going to go out there acting like Inspector Sleuth checking up on him, now if he plain gives me a real good reason to that is telling me something is not right. Well then he is getting the Catalina FBI Investigative Maneuvers on his butt because THEN Catalina is not a fool. But till then, I am trusting 100%. I am not doing no crazy making on myself.

Yeah my heart was shattered, my trusting heart was betrayed and you would think it is like a mirror never to be fixed again, but I am picking up the pieces. As Jeaneade de La Fontaine quoted, “Sadness flies away with time.” Come on time, take this sadness away because this heart wants to be a loving and trusting heart again!!!

So Little Men

 

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So Little Men…So Much Time 

I was thinking…yeah that happens a lot. I look around at my friends, family and women in general and there are sooo many single women out there. I am not alone after all. In fact it seems to be that I have joined the larger population women alone vs women in a relationship.

Why is that? As I ask the question, everyone has the same responses.

  • There isn’t anyone of quality to choose from.
  • No one to choose from at all.
  • All the good ones are taken.
  • Single men are players and don’t want to be tied down.
  • They always turn out to be gay.
  • I wouldn’t even know where to meet them.
  • If they are single, they say…what’s wrong with them, why are they still single?

Funny, hello we are single too.

 

But let us get back to my inquiry.

Where are all the men?

Why are there so little men to choose from?

Should we be alarmed?

Should we do something about it? Like clone them like they did those sheep in the 90’s?

Do we want a world with more men than we have now?

Wow, I shudder to think what could that mean to mankind. Fine! No deep thinking, move on.

 

One friend told me that there are 10 women for every man out there!

 

Could this be true?

Do we have to revert back to the days of the Harems where there is one man and 10 wives? I mean it does happen to this day, maybe that is why it happens.

 

I heard of one Morman setting where a large family lived, and every wife had her own room and the husband would take turns going to each room each night. I am telling you right now that would not work for me because I would be standing at my door every night saying, “Hey it’s my turn again! Oh hell no you are not staying with her tonight! You better get your butt in my room now!” Catalina doesn’t play nice in the sandbox!

They would be starting a reality show on my house staring me, Morman Mean Girl!

It may be that true happiness lies in not living happily ever after with a man by your side.

What is happening is that women fearing being alone end up with some half-assed cheating, weirdo man because they feel they have to be with someone. Who says so? Being alone doesn’t have to mean loneliness and sadness. There is an African proverb that goes, “It is better to travel alone, than with a bad companion.”

Why travel alone? My female friends make the best company/

Wait! Nothing was resolved! Where are the single men at everyone???