Another Excuse to Cheat, The Grass Is Greener…

excuse cheat grass greener

This blog is in response to the comments I received about the interview I did with a 47-year old single male.  This was an interview about what do men really want from a woman.  It started out on the right track about inner qualities but wait till you hear what happened.

I asked what do men really want out of a woman. I was quite surprised at how much he opened up and how frank he was..  The qualities I asked about were personality traits and made it clear to forget about beauty because this is what men always talk about. I was more concerned on the inner qualities.

After saying the sense of humor, affectionate etc, the interview ended up being about why women need to keep themselves groomed and beautiful and toned.  If your weight is too high, she better lose it or her man’s eye is going to wander at women with tight clothes and bikinis.  My interviewee was adamant also that a woman needs to take care of her significant others sexual needs because this too will make him stray when she doesn’t.  I said, “You know this is going to create a backlash.”  I said it playfully, but I knew it would.

Here are some comments I received in my blog but mostly my Face Book.

Claire from,  lovetoreadlovetowrite703.net is a beautiful poet and writes about everything from dogs to avatars.  Fascinating poet.  But I loved what she commented, “Not too surprised. Men vary of course, but they do tend to be a lot more physically inclined than us.”

I  agree, so we ask, are all men going to be eye wanderers because they are always looking for that green green grass?

A reader, who I will call, Mary, she stated the following:  “I’ve always known men were that shallow…but to add to what he said, you can be that sexy eye candy to your man and fulfill all his sexual desires and be the ideal girl to him.  Yet, a man will always find any excuse to stray.  It’s sad but unfortunately it’s a risk you always have to be willing to take when it comes to being in a relationship. Men can just be shallow that way. Especially considering that no man will ever go out of their way to be what we want them to be or do what they know we like and would attract us.  Yet, us women bend over backwards at times just fit this mold of wants. We even go the extra mile to just to keep them happy and satisfied! It’s hard!”

I really like that comment.  Let’s look at Hale Berry and Sandra Bullock, there may have been other factors we don’t know about, but how do you keep up yourself more beautiful than that and still get betrayed?

A Mrs. Storm questioned, “Not all men are like that. I know my uncles & dad sure weren’t. Is the modern man like that?

Which ties in with Mr. Cole’s question, “I disagree with at least 3/4 of what he said. Period. Can you say around how old he is?”  After I told him 47 he continues, “I don’t think most men, at least older men are that shallow”.

A Ms. Jimenez writes, “Some men are just immature.”

Say it Ms. Jimenez!

Another inspiring author from the blog theaccidentalpoet.net, commented, “Admittedly, I have often found myself looking at “fit” women more. I know that’s rather shallow, but somehow I feel as though I was wired that way. What I look for MOST in a woman, however, is someone who has love and respect for others, who has a grasp on spirituality, and who is creative and spontaneous. …Now in my mid 50’s, I am more interested in what’s on the inside than what’s on the outside. I was really drawn to “the body” of the woman in my teens and twenties. I like to think I’ve evolved somewhat in my “prime” years.   This man knows his stuff, he has written forever but what is so inspiring is how his writing changed him.  Read his blog to better understand his story, intriguing!

The accidental poet gives me a better understanding of what a good man should evolve into. He mentioned feeling he was “wired” to look at beautiful or fit women but as he matured it changed.
I knew he could pull it down for us, as well as Mr. Cole.

This is what it breaks down to, and I think this is more for the men but more for the women.  There are men out there that are immature but that changes with age.  Some men never mature to the fact that, as we age, we change, it is harder to keep weight off.  As women are struggling to love their bodies, this is the message they feel.

Whip that body into better shape or he is gonna leave your ass!

So as women are we going to be with a man that makes you feel like Mary said, “bending over backwards?”  information like this is damaging to our self-esteem.  As it is women are always striving to look like that perfect 10 model, young girls are starving themselves.

Furthermore, no girl should ever feel she needs to perform like a porn star and having a rocking body better than Hale Barry because you know what, there are those immature men that are going to find another excuse to cheat.  As women when a man says anything opposite of a compliment about the body that is part of who you are, you don’t walk, RUN AWAY FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP!

What men fail to mention is the ones that never matured psychologically, must not have a mirror because they look like they could be sporting a 7-month old baby themselves.

This is one of my better topics because it even opened up my eyes and I hope it opened up yours, there is just no pleasing some men and learn to spot that man a mile away.

Till next time…Ciao!

14 Logical Ways to Know You May Be Dating Mr. Right!

Divorcee Go Wings/Dating

In order to find a good man we need to think ahead about what we want in a man.  The traits I accumulated are key to finding a great guy.

No more settling.  No more Mr. Losers for us.  Because we are perfect women and this time around we want a man who is going to be worthy of us.  I have searched the web and came up with these 14 traits, gestures and behaviors that I found the most important to finding Mr. Wonderful.

Now first, very important.  You are not going to pull out a clip board and question him.  These are to remembered so they sound natural if you need to ask questions.  The key is to talk about everything and to casually in a conversation mode, even ask questions.

TRAITS WE WANT IN A MAN

  • He asks questions, not just answers yours. Him asking if you like oral doesn’t count.  This guy will ask things to get to know who you are. He wants to know your favorite food, your passions, and even what you are looking for in a man.
  • Asks about your family, and doesn’t hide his.  Family values are important and if he asks you in proper time to meet his wonderful family, that means he wants to show you off to people he loves.
  • Not chauvinistic,  but chivalry is not dead.  He is not the kind of man who expects you to serve him as he lays out on the couch drinking his tall bud.  He doesn’t expect you to draw his bath.  He seems like the kind of guy that will get in and help you cook dinner and do the dishes.  Gee whiz! So he is about equality, but he treats you like a princess and opens doors for you, pulls your chair out.
  • No temper issues: I was married to an abuser with a horrid temper so this is a good one.  Want to test his temper, have him drive you two somewhere during rush hour on the freeway.  Are you noticing his temper rising and everyone else that is driving is an idiot.  The worst thing is he tells off everyone in the other cars…as if they could hear him.  Ugh, we need gentle peaceful men.
  • Makes you feel good no matter if you are in sweats or dress but it is authentic.  Now I am not saying to walk around in lard covered sweats and not brush your teeth.  I am talking clean, no make-up and he still acts like you are some hot super model.  Or at least that you are cute.
  • Apologizes when wrong.  So important, a man who cannot admit when he is wrong is all wrong! You do not want a man who has too big of pride that refuses to admit he is wrong.  If he is late to pick you up (which should not be happening anyways) but he is sorry and is trying to make it up to you.
  • Listens to your problems.  I am not talking, “Uh huh, really, oh”, I mean actively listening to your issues at hand.  Now mind you men have a tendency to think you are asking for a solution.  Don’t forget to listen to him back.
  • Not afraid to bring up goal with you.  Does he say stuff like, you are the kind of woman I would love to spend the rest of my life with.  Ok maybe even, asking if you could date exclusively.  This is a sign that he is not commitment phobic.  A man that says he doesn’t want to get serious, is someone who you are never going to get anywhere with.  Advice…run, don’t walk!
  • You are a priority.  You matter to him.  Not to mention he makes sure you know how important you are to him.
  • Respectful.  First time you hear anything like stupid, idiot, any disrespectful language that makes you sound like a lesser person.  Does he treat you with respect, doesn’t raise his voice to you.  This is very important.
  • Surprises you with sweet things.  Awe, what a sweet-ums!  Brings you flowers, maybe even picked it for you.  Brings you over a DVD to watch, and it just so happens to be your favorite movie.  Ah he really was listening!
  • Got act together.  We are not material girls, at least we shouldn’t be.  At the same time, we should be selective and want a man that is gainfully employed, doesn’t ride a 10-speed.  His finances are in order, maybe owns a home, but maybe he has his own apartment.  Something that tells you he has ambition and is responsible.  Does he work, is it a good job.  It could be a McDonalds manager, I am not downgrading anyone.  But come one if you want to go out with me you must have a J.O.B.
  • Work history:  Ok so we know he has a J.O.B., but what is his history with work.  Does he jump around and goes periods where there is no work, or does he have a 35-year-old pension because he has worked at the same company his whole life.  During this economy I realize there are men that are out of work and I am not dissing anyone.  But realistically, if you are having problems with work, you don’t need to be thinking about dating for now.  There are other priorities you need to think about.  I went on a date with a man who was on GR and true story, took me out to eat on his EBT card.  That ended real fast.
  • Great close relationship with family and friends.  If everyone in his life has abandoned him, even his mother.  Then you need to wonder why.  No friends either, wow.  Unless he is new to the area, he should have family somewhere, right?  Be wary if you are not introduced to anyone.

Remember, we are asking for some great qualities so you have to think about what are you bringing to the table.  Nobody in this world is perfect, we are going to have flaws.  Growth is about recognizing those flaws and always working to make you the best you can be,.

Happy Dating!

Do You Really Want To Know What Men Want?

What Men Want

I have uncovered the straight-forward bare facts of what a man really really wants in a woman. This comes from and candid interview with a single male who isn’t telling all the flowery things we want to hear. He will show candidly and explicitly what not only keeps a man, but keeps a man from cheating.

After a break-up or a miss-hit with a guy, don’t you want to know what really went wrong. Guys can beat around the bush and play their games, but no more, let’s find out what is going on in that head of theirs.

I chose this particular person to do the interview with because this is not an actor who needs to keep face. It is not from an ex or current beau who will only tell me what I want to hear. I knew I could count on this person who shall remain anonymous to avoid backlash. You will see why in the interview. Let’s call him John Doe for his anonymity.

Catalina: Thank you so much for doing this for me. Although you know who I am, let me tell you anyways so you know my purpose of asking for your interview. I am Catalina Zamora, author of the blog, “Divorcee Got Wings.” The reason I wanted to interview you is to show a male point of view and I know you will tell me what I want to know. No judgement, in fact I think it will be fascinating.

John Doe: Ok I am ready.

Catalina: First of all can you tell me what 5 qualities you look for in a woman. Now I know men are visual so I am asking for qualities that have nothing to do with looks.

John Doe: Sense of humor, laughter, affectionate, up for anything and willing to give things a chance with an open mind, be able to adapt to any situation instead of always complaining.

Catalina: Now, now I said good qualities. Ha!, you are already telling me bad qualities and I didn’t get to that part. Ok next tell 5 qualities that are deal breakers for you. In other words, you would not want to date a woman with these 5 qualities you are going to come up with yourself.

John Doe: Too flirty, always wanting to be out partying like drinking. Being selfish. Being close-minded. Oh and not have any family values, for me family comes first.

Catalina: Now how will you respond to many women’s complaints that all the good men are taken?

John Doe: Because the men that are single today have gone through something in a relationship that has damaged them or they get bored. They are acting out and enjoying single life. They play single games because they have been hurt and don’t like commitment . At some point though, it either gets boring again and they start looking for that true go to girl to love.

Catalina: Now what do you think is the biggest reason a man is afraid of relationships?

John Doe: If a man does not really love a woman they will always look at other woman and wonder. A woman has to take care to their men. Be beautiful, classy well dressed, sexy and a freak to their man.

Catalina: How do you feel about the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence?

John Doe: Some men are not happy and never fell in love with their woman. If a woman can be a freak to their man do things and be spontaneous they will never leave that I for men

Catalina: So are you saying men tie sex and love together.

John Doe: Kind of. In men’s eyes, good sex makes us fall in love. And all the other things that I said, sense of humor, affectionate, that keeps them around and happy.

Catalina: So if a woman is lacking in her sexual skills, he will not be able to truly love her?

John Doe: A woman has to keep man happy. Keep herself visually attractive also.

Catalina: Ok, so even though I said I wanted to concentrate on personality attributes and not appearance, you brought it up. Is appearance that important?

John Doe: Yes, send sexy pics or send texts about what they are going to do to them when they get home from work. I am just letting you in the mind of a man. You wanted straight up answers right?

Catalina: Of course. So if a woman gains like 30-40 pounds but dresses sexy and does everything to please her man, is that a woman men will stay with? Or will they start looking over the fence where it is greener?

John Doe: Yes he will be happy. At the same time though, if she is gaining too much weight, she should try to get back into shape because it will be better for the relationship.

Catalina: Wait, you are giving me conflicting information. Do you feel weight is an important issue?

John Doe: Yes, most men will be looking at other women in tight clothes and small bikinis.

Catalina: Wow, that sounds like that is quite some pressure to put on a woman. They have to keep in shape and keep up with your freaky self in bed. You realize this is probably going to get some backlash.

John Doe: Do you want me to tell you what guys think, and talk to each other about. You wanted to know, so I told you what guys talk about and what we feel.

Catalina: I said no judgement, and I meant it. Thank you John Doe for being so open. By the way, I will be contacting you again for “Men’s Point of View” sessions.

John Doe: Anytime.

After Interview Afterthought: I would like to hear from women out there on their reaction to what John Doe shared with us. Let me tell you one thing, I, was a little perturbed by the comment about the weight gain. At the same time, I really believe that the majority of men feel that way. This is not to say that a man is going to cheat, what I am saying that their eyes do start to wonder. I also have to add, I don’t think I would be led to cheat on my spouse if he gained 30-40 pounds. For me that would not be a reason to cheat.

So this interview went in a different direction than I had meant it to but I did find out some good stuff. Men want eye candy to have sex with and then he will fall in love and stay with her forever? In a nut shell that is what he said correct? Think about it ladies, if that was not the case there would not be so many nudie bars and strip clubs. When is the last time you seen a strip club on every corner for women? I have to say this interview, as scary as it sounds, there is a lot of truth to what he said.

I would be interested in hearing from some men also.

Thank you, until next time…Ciao!

Catalina

Divorcee Blogger

 

 

CLIMBING FOR LOVE…

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CLIMB FOR LOVE…

Oh the webs we weave…ok! My quest for love continues. It is a journey that I continue to climb the highest mountain in pursuit of it.

The mountain I left didn’t have it, my husband. I climbed it all the way to the top. Oh, what a jagged, rocky high mountain it was. Full of peaks and loose rocks. So many times I lost my footage but I continued my climb sure that I would find what I was looking for.  If I pushed forward and could just reach the top.  But two peaks up, and I would fall three peaks down.

What took years to climb, left me battered exhausted and depleted. As I sat on the mountain top overseeing the vast blue yonder, I realized that there was nothing there I was looking for. My journey was not for nothing, because it taught me how to climb another mountain and what to expect. Then the next relationship came, I realized this mountain I must leave behind and I started my climb down leaving it behind.

So now I stand at the crest of all these new mountains promising new journeys and adventures. But I am told to stay in the valley and rest awhile from the brutal climb of that very large mountain I had just left. My wounds have not yet healed from the rocks that nicked me and bruised me. I have not even caught my breath from that exhausting climb down from that enormous mountain and already I want to jump on and start climbing again. Rest a while. Catch your breath. Let those wounds heal. Relax and gaze at the various mountains and decide which mountain you would like to climb and not just jump on the first one.

I use this as a metaphor for my inability to stay still with no man.  When I first broke up with my ex, it was like I had to get a man fix right away.  Sadly when we do this it is only to run from the pain from our first relationship.

I have been single for over two years now and am finally learning what I want and don’t want in a man.  Jumping too fast in a relationship to avoid the loneliness and pain will make you less than selective.  It is important to take a step back.  Connect with yourself and meeting your own needs.

I am learning to look for love inside myself.  So far so good!

TEACH ME HOW TO BE SINGLE!

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TEACH ME HOW TO BE SINGLE!

The concept of being alone to “find myself” scares me. What exactly am I finding? What does this mean? Am I on the back of a milk carton reported missing? Because last time I check I never lost myself. Does it mean learning how to be in a room with no other people all by yourself. Now it is a test. You are allowed to have a television, radio and best of all phone and computer but no other human with you. You have to be able to withstand being without a man in your life most importantly. No sex, no cuddling, no tender kissing, none of this. Is this what they are talking about?

So if I have male attention I won’t be able to find this something that is lost about myself…am I on the right track? I am hoping someone who has all wisdom is out there reading this. Some guru of the Universe and knows of this special wisdom I will attain if I abstain from male companionship.

How long does it take for this special wisdom to hit me? Is it like a bolt of lightning? Or does it come slowly, and how will I know when I finally get this special wisdom? Is it that kind of thing where you say, oh don’t worry, you’ll know, believe me, you’ll know. Because I am thinking this is something like those Buddist Monks do in Tibbet where they abstain from all Earthly temptations to perfect their souls and is this what I am doing? Will I have to wear some white kind of diaper, burn incense and sit in a yogi position?

I am just asking!

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE SINGLE!!!!

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I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE SINGLE!!!

Here I go again. What’s the matta with you! Like an Italian mama would scold! I have not even ended my marriage and here I am starting a new relationship and wondering why it isn’t going fast enough for me! Aye dios mio! Ok now we have a Mexican mamasita in on the scolding! Before we are done we are going to have a whole melting pot of mama’s scolding me because I am way over my head.

For real peoples I don’t know what is the matter with me. Loneliness, boredom, horniness, yes I said it, I was horny! Women get horny to you know. Maybe I didn’t want to feel anything that I was going to go through because of my divorce and this was the answer, jump into a relationship. It worked. I was swept off my feet by a fabulous man who really kept me busy and entertained me and showed me affection that I hadn’t felt during my marriage. He gave me what I had been craving for 30 years.
I really care for this person but I feel that we are on two very different journeys in life and the longer I continue with him, the more it will hurt when I do end it with him. No matter what it is going to be devastating to be without him because then I will have to face the demons of really being alone.

I always said, aren’t men like jobs, you can’t quit your job without having another job waiting for you. I guess I don’t know how to be alone. I guess I always need to have a man in my life, it has always been that way, I don’t think that is healthy. Stay tuned.

I may take the leap of being REALLY single for the first time in my life….can she do it people…stay tuned!

WHAT ARE YOU ATTRACTING IN YOUR LIFE?

HELLFEST 2009 - 19-20-21 juin 2009 Clisson / Dez Fafara - Devildriver

WHAT ARE YOU ATTRACTING IN YOUR LIFE????

Today I looked at something I wrote a bit ago and thought, hmmm, this is a nice quote, “You attract love if you love yourself, you attract respect if you respect yourself.” Then I realized I was the one who wrote it. There are many things when I look back at, I think, wow did I write that? Ha! Then, there are a lot that I have to go back and correct. Sometimes I am so excited because it just flows out like water. I will wake up from a dead sleep and have the need to write. Those are the times when I need to do grammar and spell check before I send it off.

Back to that quote, it inspires me. There was a time that I had no self-respect or self-love and guess what, I accepted garbage. Why not, I was garbage, right? Call me every name in the book, I will beg you not to leave, you can stay out all night, and I will be right there in the morning relieved because you came back to me.

It is a new day, I am nobody’s bitch, ass-hole, or whore now. At the first sign of any of that language coming out of your mouth, you will be talking to the walls. Peacefully, I am gone. Got an itch to stay out all night, you better take all your stuff because your “all night” is going to be permanent. I know what happens if your night needs to be a sleepover. I am nobody’s fool.

I have heard so many women say, why do men always do this to me? No, why do you let men do this to YOU! There is a sign, there is ALWAYS a sign. No call, no show? Loses his temper with you, bad name slips at you? At that first sign of disrespect, that is the end of it. It could only go downhill from there.

I cannot handle yelling. Nobody yell at me, it frightens and intimidates me. When I hear it, I will immediately remove myself from it. It takes two to argue, so if you remove yourself from a yelling person, who are they going to argue with. If I am on the phone and somebody raises their voice, I say don’t yell and I instantly hang up. I will not answer for a while because I know that call right after will still be a yelling call. Thank God for text, I will send a text and say, when you are ready to speak calmly, you may call me back and tell me what is bothering you. It is working. I don’t have anyone in my life that speaks in a harsh manner any longer.

I lived the life of ugliness for so many years that I realize that people can live like they do on the Brady Bunch. Serene, peaceful, speak to each other respectfully. I always wanted that. My kids have picked that up and have mates that have that also. This road I am on is a long one but the lessons never cease to amaze me and I am tireless. Come on bring me a new day, I want to learn more and more!!