To tell or not to tell, that is the question. If you suffer from Depression, Bipolar or other diseases of the mind, do you tell someone you want to date?
When is the right time to tell them? Before you date? On the first date? Or when you feel you know them better?
Is this deceiving them?
If the tables were turned, would you want to know?
Why do you feel you have to hide it from them?
This is a tough question, especially if you are dating with purpose. What is your criteria on if to or not to tell? Maybe you feel it is not their business, or is it because you fear rejection? So lets buy some time and date for awhile and see if you feel serious enough about this person to let him know such a personal side of you. So is it wrong to give it time so the other person starts to feel feelings and how dare you allow me to develop feelings for you only to find out you are mentally ill.
This is just an article to open your eyes to what people with a mental illness face when dating. I remember dating this guy and we both developed feelings. In the midst of telling her all the wonderful things he was doing and how happy I was, she asked, “Does he know you have Bipolar?”
I looked at her with hurt and disgust. “Mom, you think he would care? He said he loved me.” That night I told him, by the way I am Bipolar, not the bad kind. I get depressed.” Why didn’t I notice the silence after that. He said he had a migraine and had to go home. Ok, I did know he had migraines. Ok, he should go home and lay down, I thought.
A week went by, then a month…no call…didn’t answer MY calls. It died. He left me like my husband.
My last text to him was, I am the same person you fell in love with, I didn’t change…
you did. Thank you for helping me see the real you.
Sometimes the darkness in your mind
Sometimes the piercing in your heart
Sometimes it’s just much too much
Ideations of eternal peace
make you long to just go home
Stop Stop Stop
Don’t listen to the lies
The Sun is a promise
that never fails
The warmth of the morn
is not far away
Sit with your pain
hold it tenderly
just till dawn
Your pain is like a scared child
can’t you see she needs you
she weeps from her soul
Tell her she’s not alone
cradle her tenderly
rock her softly
Hum her sweet melodies
just don’t let go and tell her so
Gently you awaken feeling warmth from within
you blink at the suns glow that nuzzles you
you made it one more night
When others can’t give you the love you need
remember that pain is the hurt child in you
that part of you that needs were not met
Will you also shame that child in you?
Will you tell her you have others things to do?
She needs you as she has all through the years
be the one to mother and nurture lovingly
hold her in your arms as she weeps all night
Remind her she’s not alone and you will see
You made it again…one more night…
Alone with my thinking
darkness stretches all nightlong
This is how my evenings stretch
but I continue to be strong
My shell looks unscathed
in one solid piece with no flaws
but if my skin were transparent
the world would see it all
Crimson red from rips in my heart
tear ducts shriveled and parched
the quiet pain and torment
leaving my soul void and famished
Ask me how I’m doing
my eyes crinkle smiling large
“Fine, but how are you?”
relief depression shows no scars
Alone with thoughts
just another day
disguising I’m really ok
but inside I feel so far away
Separating from my husband made me face an ongoing issue I have struggled with since I can remember,I have depression. The kind of depression Robin Williams suffered from.
Going through a devastating challenge like realizing my husband was now in love with someone else, didn’t work great with this depression.
Life was never easy for me. I married an abusive man, raised my two children, went to work, lather, rinse repeat. Life became a routine. Yes, my severe battle with depression was bad, but I could smile and jest and fool the world. Well, except for my daughter who asked me one time if I could smile more as we were going to After School Night. She wanted me to not act like a robot.
I made it my mission to be much more fun with my children after she said that. I played more, read more stories, played pretend and just really tried hard to make it seem like I wasn’t hurting all the time.
Fast forward to several years ago. My husband of almost 30 years no longer wanted to be married to me, never loved me. In fact was in love with someone younger and fine I could live in the same house with him, but he made damn sure I knew that I better respect his wishes that it was over and reminded me he had a great new life to live and no, it didn’t include me. So I could stay at the house his mother left him as long as I didn’t start any problems with his new woman, and the ones he kept on the side. Did I mention that my kids are now adults didn’t need stories read to them at bedtime?
Up until four years ago, I never realized what a tough job it was just getting through life. My children may beg to differ, but there was no hiding from this thing called depression now.
My new journey in life is about starting over. The hard thing was how do you do that when there are days you can barely lift your head off the pillow.
This is my journey. My journey upwards that is.
How You Feel
and never give up…
This is so hard to watch, many will turn it off immediately and think, how negative! Consider it more negative if we continue to dismiss that suicide increases by leaps and bounds everyday. Why is that when there are so many new pills out. Shouldn’t these depressed people get over it by now. Geez, aren’t we tired of their attention seeking Debbie Downer attitude.
And that my friend is the reason that that approximately 96 people take their own lives everyday. This is especially from those who have suffered from depression for decades, like myself. 47 years of reaching out, takes its toll on those who have to listen, I know this. So the depressed, seeing people pull away from them, find themselves isolated and instead keep their dark thoughts to themselves. They have burdened every friend, family member and wow…they see they don’t feel better, in fact because of the isolation and loneliness… it is actually worse.
Medications are not the solution, trust me, they do not work for most of us. If one talks to those who survived depression they all answer the same thing. The medication doesn’t work but more so, there are so many loss of connection.
The stigma against people with any type of disease that is in our heads is making it so people stop reaching out. If you are like me and have suffered all your life, people get tired of hearing about it. Many times you hear, if you really wanted to do it, you would have done it. You are seen as an attention seeker and get to the point where you just stop reaching out and eventually you become so isolated that you begin the believe the lies your brain is telling you.
At the end of the video is a hotline if you or somebody you love suffers…please call. Suicide is not the solution and believe it or not there are people out there that care. Don’t let peoples ignorance or cruelty push you. Reach out…just never stop trying….
SUICIDE IS PREVENTABLE!
Special acknowledgement to Spoken Poet, Joyner Lucas in “I’m Sorry”. I never heard of him and not sure how I came across this, but wow! I was captivated. It is about time we have a person in the industry that isn’t just about Blow me ho! or Shake dat azz and such. His music has a real message that we cannot continue to run from because it makes us uncomfortable.
COME ON PAIN!!! I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU!!!
In my life I have learned that you cannot make someone feel what you want them to feel for you. I have also learned that when you don’t seem to get the message they can get mean and inhumane about you pursuing them. Move on girls. When they don’t want you they don’t want you. Damn it hurts, but we have to cut that tie. Just like that old cliche’ goes. They are just not into us anymore…
I used to wonder why was I given such a horrible man who causes me so much pain. I am such a good loving wife. I would follow him to the ends of the Earth. No one will love him like I do, why does he hurt me so. I endured this pain for 29 years and I am not going to lie, I still struggle with the thought of losing him. I fight with thinking he is the most horrible man on the Earth for not treating me like a queen for loving him so much and treating me so bad and being with another woman now. Really?
What if a man, any man, is placed in front of me and I am told, “Love this man! Adore him! Cherish the ground he walks on!” And I look at this guy and I feel nothing, I mean really it is not my fault, I try but the sparks are just not there. Is it my fault that I cannot put my arms around this dude and stick my tongue in his ear? Ewwww, of course not.
It is in a way the same as someone who falls out of love. It happens through no fault of their own, but all of a sudden they just don’t feel that spark so if you put yourself in their shoes, yikes, that is a lot of pressure. I know, I know we don’t have a lot of sympathy for the other party and you are thinking who’s side am I on…yours of course. I am just saying.
Why are we put through so much pain? We feel like it is so unfair, we feel like we are the good innocent ones and he is the one that gets away with it, maybe he got the young pretty girl and he is the one that is walking around treating us like an asshole and we are the one sitting at home broken up in tears. How is life so unfair.
My breakup to me was like going to hell and back and no I am not going to say the pain was a gift, but I am using the lesson of the pain as a gift because it has taught me the lesson of compassion. Some people’s heart becomes bitter and hard with pain. They themselves become hardened. These are the people who I pray for because they feel they are winners, no one will ever hurt them again. I, may probably be hurt again and it will be just as painful and it scares me but that can’t be my focus. My focus is that I have become a better person towards not being a person that hurts people. I am hypersensitive to people’s feelings. My loving heart has grown. I feel more than I felt before.
But most importantly if I were ever to get into a relationship and it occurred to me that I just did not feel for that person anymore. I would not be that person that rubs a new person in their face. I would be ultra compassionate because I am not so sick of them that I am just trying rid of them… no-no they are a human being going through pain like I remember going through and they need compassion…
I have come to understand why we have pain in our life. I understand why those who have traveled the journey of pain and come out with a soft heart are one of the most beautiful souls on this Earth. They have learned the true gift of compassion because it isn’t just a word from a dictionary to them. They feel it from their very soul. You realize that empathy is a powerful tool to help someone and console and lift someone up while sympathy can sometimes be an outsider looking in.
Today I am realizing that I needed that pain to learn what I know to today, and that is what I needed to grow where I am today. I am a much more person too. I have a courage I didn’t have before. I could never fathom the thought of being on my own and living by myself. I would have been back at my mothers. I don’t know what happened to me that I became such a co-dependant person. I thought that because I left home at 17 I grew up fast but my husband became like a parent to me and I let him control me. If his word was the law, how was I independent. Obviously I am not that same person, and I didn’t realize that the wrong person, my husband, was teaching me the right lesson about life with the pain he put me through…indirectly…I thank you…and this will help me to forgive you. And that will help set me free….
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I'm divorcing a narcissist after 8 years of crazy. This is my story of getting out and healing from the abuse.
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