Signs You Are Getting Bitter! 

humor side of divorce

Now I am not going to say that I never get bitter, it is natural especially if you were the one that was left.  Watch yourself and if you start talking like this, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY GETTING BITTER!  Bitter alert, bitter alert!

Don’t sound like this:

  • “Did you see his new ho, she is hideous!” (Even if she looks like Jennifer Anniston, you are going to go over her with a fine tooth comb and find something wrong).
  • “Date? After my marriage I don’t want to see another man ever.” (Wait, I hear that Johnny Depp wants to go out with you, still swearing off men forever? Give it time and you will want to jump right back on the horse…literally).
  • “All the good men are taken or gay!”, (Guess what there are men that were jilted too. There are men that chose careers before, widows, unhappily married men…gee the choices).
  • “He is never going to find anyone like me!” (Can’t rule out, cloning can we?)
  • “One day he is going to regret leaving me and by then it will be too late!” (Spoiler alert, men don’t break up marriages for anything.  He made it final because for some reason the two of you were not mean to be.  That is all, accept it.)
  • “All men are alike!” (Whoah, whoah that is the ultimate “bitter woman” comment. Just like you are unique, so are men so do not sabotage your chances with limited thinking).

What other self-defeating things are you saying?  On a serious note, that kind of thinking can really hold you back from becoming a happily single woman that is the prime catch for those eligible men out there. Trust me they are out there. Just realize, would you like to go out with a negative nilly?  A man that is full of criticism or an optimistic person that see’s the lighter side of life.  You have to attain the same qualities you are looking for a man.  So when you start saying negative things, stop yourself and make yourself realize that is just your hurt and anger getting the best of you.  Only you can control your thoughts.

“Hate. It has caused a lot of problems in this world but has not solved one yet.”

– Maya Angelou

When Your Family Can’t Let Your Ex Go


It has been 2 ½ years since my husband asked me to move out and he wanted a divorce. I am fully aware that it is important to be civil to each other in front of the kids.

The Problem:

My kids want their father to be part of my family gatherings. What is worse is that my family also miss him and want him to be around. Everyone feels sorry for him because the only family he had is my family. His mother, father and brother died within the last 5 years.
Trying to Compromise

At the beginning, I agreed to invite my ex to Thanksgiving at my mother’s because my daughter broke down in tears. She felt bad that her father did not have his mother for the holidays. Fine! I let him come, but I was not happy at all.

When my dear friend’s daughter passed on, my daughter got upset because I did not want him there. Why would he want to go? He had went out with us a few times, but that this was my personal friend. But fine! I was really trying hard not to be the bitter scorned ex-wife, so I said o.k. My friends were cordial to him but asked me after, why would he show his face. They did not like him because of the way he dumped me.

Ironically another friend of mine passed away a few months later. This friend was his friend before mine so when I asked if he were going he said, “She wasn’t really my friend.” Hello! He knew this friend for over 25 years so what was the real reason he HAD to go to MY circle of friends?

Then my sister wanted him there for her baby shower when she was having her first baby. She said he was the only male figure growing up and really wanted him there. I was dealing with bad depression because I could not seem to get over him. I was mad at how he rejected me. But what really got to me was that my family didn’t seem to care how I was feeling, they missed him and felt it was time for me to get over it so he could be part of the family again.

The Situation Makes No Sense To Me!:

In the past it was like pulling teeth to get him to come to my family functions. Now that he dumped me, now he wanted to hang out all the time? I said he could come but the whole time at the baby shower I had this void in the pit of my stomach and was so close to tears the whole time. I did not enjoy my own sisters baby shower because all I could think about was he was paying no attention to me. My family sat round him like he was a celebrity.

Now he has a girlfriend and my family expects me to get over it already so he could be part of the activities. Right after I found out he had moved on I missed Thanksgiving at my sister-in-laws house because I knew he was going to be there.  I made it clear that it was him or me, my sister-in-law made it clear that he was invited and I was being immature.

Any Advice Out There?
So I ask to everyone out there, is there anyone else going through this? I want my children to have a good relationship with their father, but I don’t want to have any relationship with him anymore! I can understand when my kids get married or have kids, then of course I would not say I don’t want him there, but this is my family.

My Decision:

After many arguments with my children and my family and expressing that it hurts me to be around him, I surrender. I told my family that I am tired of being the bad guy, so I am pulling away and he could be there in my place. My daughter called me selfish.

So he decides to sever ties with me and move on and I am supposed to accept him with open arms or I am selfish. I am sorry I don’t have to accept someone who rejected me and be chummy with him.


Maybe in time but maybe I don’t ever have to be his friend and I will be damned if I am going to be miserable during my family gatherings so “he” won’t be lonely without a family. My thing is he should go with his girlfriend’s family and get close to them since that is who he chooses. He cares nothing about me so why would I care about him?

My family has no regard for my feelings. So my focus is going to be on me and doing what keeps me happy obviously my ex could care less about my feelings so it is not my job to let him screw around with other women and then come play house with my family. And if my family feels it is o.k., then obviously my family cares more about his feelings than mine so this is why I am deciding to pull away from my family.

This is a miserably sad time for me, but what else can I do.




Made a phone call to my ex today, I am trying, trying so so hard to keep it civilized….for the kids…because this is what I talk about…because this is what is best…because this is what is going to be best in the long run. No matter what we need to discuss the logistics of the divorce. I needed to discuss something of our son. When you don’t have children or property or anything I guess you can just let go…not so in our case. Anyways I called and my stomach made a loop di loop.

Anger? Was that what I felt? What did I feel? I don’t know. Yeah I know I want to do him in still. I know I know I am trying to be the Mother Teresa of divorce and I slip and I say stuff that counters it but remember I am human. Just wanted to touch bases and relay my feeling of humanness (is that a word?)




Jealousy or Ugly Art? 3.1.13

My daughter brings in this wall size portrait of a mermaid, did I mention it is as big as a wall, and it is the color of mint and pepto bismo and sponge bob square pants but it’s as big as the whole wall and it is for our living room. See, ok real real fast. My husband’s mother had kicked me and my daughter to the curb (had us evicted) and my daughter and I got a place together and now she is bringing in this really big painting to put in our living room. (My daughter forgave him). See I think my husband should have stood up for his family…he didn’t.

The dilemma…my thoughts….the man that allowed us to be “kicked to the curb” is her father…and they get along really good now…and he spent a lot of money for this for her and she is like drinking this attention up I am thinking and so now we have this picture and she is looking at me all excited cause it is going to go on my wall.

Do I hate it because it came from that man? Or is it a really ugly picture. Am I jealous of the bond that they seem to be getting lately? Shouldn’t she be still really mad at him and telling him shove this painting where the sun don’t shine? No instead she is treasuring it like it is the Mona Lisa and wanting to put this monstrosity in my living room for everyone to see!

I go to my son, he is an innocent bystander, he thinks it is ugly. Yes I am vindicated! Or am I. My son is so sweet, he always is thinking of my feelings and making me feel better. I am leaving it to all of you. Is it an ugly painting or not?????

Ahhhh! Shouldn’t I be just happy that she has her father and let bygones be bygones…ahhhh!

Hmmm. As I look at it from a new day, a day past the day that I was the incredible hulk mad. The day before I was walking and allowing myself to vent my frustrations. I am beginning to see it in a new light. Maybe it is a little pretty. hmm maybe.

Mad at My Ex!!

Mad at My Ex!!! 2.21.13

You may say Catalina talks like life is all about peaches and orgasms…rainbows and unicorns. There are days my friend that all my pep, all my ha ha the pain away, all that positive self talk…just don’t cut it! There are some situations where forgiveness is just not something you don’t want to do. There are some days where you sadness is so deep that is just something nothing can pull you out of at this time. And rage, oh man there are times you just can’t clear that red from your eyeballs cause that is all you see no matter how much you wipe your eyes. There are days you get so mad you become like the Incredible Hulk!!

I am human, you are human, I may throw a hamper full of clothes across the room out of sheer anger!! Yeah I do that!! I am here to say that I fail a lot at my own suggestions and advice, there are times where I fail cause I just don’t give a damn cause I want to be mad at my ex and at that time I am so mad I don’t feel he deserves my forgiveness and yes I want to continue call him a piece of shit!! And we say now what! Did we just throw everything out the window. Who is Catalina to give advice on forgiveness because she just text a nasty message to her ex…YES I DID AND IT WAS MEAN AND NASTY!!! So should I put away my laptop and give up my passion for writing and realize my journey through becoming Single and Independent just took a turn off a cliff and I went off it head first and plopped down face into a pile of mud. NO!!

This is where you have just helped me help you to help me!! Ha Ha!! Its only sounds confusing. I am venting!! I was so angry over something with “him” and that anger turned into something that made me so depressed and I was in tears and then I started having negative thoughts….ALL THINGS THAT I SAY NOT TO DO!!!! I was doing and I had the tools to stop but didn’t, couldn’t at the time because they felt too strong. So I vent, call a friend, write, type, START A BLOG…but don’t be my competition…grrrr I feel myself turning green again, don’t make me mad…you won’t like me when I’m mad!!!

I continue to experience pain with my joy and am still learning. In fact this very blog I am writing right this very second is a vent because I am mad as hell and as I have reached the end….ahhhhh. I really do feel better. I don’t want it to stay inside of me because it’s like a cancer…release!! As Louise Hay quoted, we create our own experiences and I have to remind myself, fine I acted like a monster, but I don’t have to stay here for long, I could take the monster mask off and get back on track just as fast as I got there.

Breaking Rage Before it Breaks You!


2.9.13 How To Break Your Rage Before It Breaks You

Anger…oh buddy. Ok now here is one that Catalina was plum done with and sure nuff its head popped up again! I do reckon we need to visit it again.

That ol’ monster that lives in our belly and just sits there then starts eating at you something fierce when you get really ticked off and you know who we are ticked off at right? Yuppie, that piece of shit ex!!! Whoops, I mean, your ex.

Boy that anger, rage, being pissed off at that piece of shit-no good-excuse of a bleep bleep.
Let’s move on.

I guess this is more for those of us who have been jilted, betrayed, left, hearts broken. You get the picture.

Question is how do we get past this?

First and foremost, we do not want to do anything to jeopardize our freedom like slashing tires, busting windows, assaulting anyone or destroying any property.

Even harassing phone calls are a no-no and are considered terrorist threats. No bugging him at all. In fact, let’s leave the piece of shit, I mean, the ex,  alone for now.  We have some healing to do.

The longer we live in this anger, the longer we live in this anger. No I’m not sputtering. Don’t keep feeding your fire!

If you keep focusing on your anger, it will stay in the limelight, but if you focus on getting over your anger, then that is going to come on stage and push the anger off. Then that will be in the limelight!

Aha the new star of the show!!

I promise your anger will start to subside, but you have to be patient grasshopper. So put away that axe and let’s get to work.

Ok were going keep calling the ex “piece of shit”, I dunno it kinda has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

Because for now I’m going to encourage your anger, and why not?He is a piece if shit that hurt you so he deserves it, and hey it makes me feel good saying so why not.

Anyways, I’m sure by now you’ve said what you’ve had to say to the piece of shit till you’re blue in the face, right?

In one ear out the other, right? He’s an ass, what do you expect, right? Ok, so we are on the same page. So do we agree that going to him with your pain and anger is fruitless? Yeah, and I’m telling you now his insensitivity probably will create more anger and we don’t need that. So this is not the route we will be going.

What you need is somewhere you will not be disturbed for at least an hour.

You need lots of writing paper and a couple good writing pens.  In case one stops working. And a watch.

Here is your first assignment.

  1. Write why are you angry.
  2. What are the stupid despicable hurtful deceitful insensitive things he did to make you this mad. Let it flow from the pit of your stomach through your arm to your hands out your fingers to the pen and spill out all over the paper freely. The hell with grammar, don’t stop, don’t go back to read, just write for at least 15 minutes.
  3. GOOD. Now using the same method, I want you to write what his behavior, his actions made you feel, how it hurt you. Yes hurt! Forget the anger now, because before the anger there was pain that led to it. Remember it and let it out on paper. Let it flow. GET IT OUT!!!

Done? Now you don’t think we are going to mail it to piece of shit do you? No love this writing was a release for you only. Remember he’d use it to wipe his butt with. That’s why repeat after me, “he’s a piece of shit”

As I said this was to get all that junk out of your head, your gut and your heart and put it on paper and symbolically remove it from you. We have to release it now, ok?

It’s the beginning of it. We can’t let that man and what he did or didn’t do continue to rule your mind and your life. We want it gone.

4. We put our paper in a fire safe place like sink or dirt patch or barbecue and we burn it and we say good-bye anger! Now it’s time to rise above it!

5. Ok, now this part is going to be hard to comprehend, the piece of shit will no longer be a piece of shit. He gets to have his name back.  Because guess what. We are only at the bottom of the mountain looking up preparing for the biggest fight of all, and it’s called forgiveness.

Now, now don’t be pointing that axe at me and let me explain. You are not forgiving him for his sake, it’s for your healing. That rage, that anger will not go away until you do.

Forgiving does not mean you condone what he did nor do you Eben have to tell him, this is between you and God, Buddah, your priest, or even your friends or cat, but it has to vacate your body because it’s poison. You think it is hurting him? Heck no! You are the only one suffering!

Do you want to be those bitter old women that hate men or do you want to be a woman with peace in her heart. It’s up to you. You could stop reading right now. your choice.

I promise you the gift of serenity if you follow my journey. But I promise you lots of pain and hard work with a gift at the end.  Or you can do no worries and have all that pain, bitterness, till eternity. You choose

Oh! you’re still here..good grasshopper

Step 2.  For 2 weeks (Or for some it may take longer, some much longer, we can’t put a time table on our healing)

1.Every morning and every night we are going to set aside some quiet time (about half an hour when no one will disturb you.  Find a peaceful place in your home with a mirror, maybe light a candle.)

2. Sit in front of a mirror and look deep into your eyes, really look into the pupil of your eyes.

  • 3. Repeat after me, I completely forgive (his name his real name) for hurting me and wish him well.  Say this ten times while looking deep in to your eyes and really really mean it.

Not feeling it?  That’s ok, do it anyways…heard the saying fake it till you make it…there you go.  Do this for 2 weeks…

As I mentioned before this is for you.  Anger will eat you alive, it will keep you from happiness, it will consume you.  What he did or didn’t do, it is beyond our control, LET IT GO and like I said, the only way to do this is to forgive him not because he deserves, but because you deserve peace in your heart, finally.

There is an old saying that goes, “Forgiveness is like letting a prisoner go free and only to discover that the prisoner was you all along”

Isn’t it time to free yourself from that anger?

Remember forgiving them doesn’t mean that you need to start hanging with them and make them part of your life. it’s a gift you are giving yourself to help you heal.

Forgiveness is the best gift you can ever give yourself….


Ha Ha Ha Ha The Pain Away!!!

Ha Ha Ha Ha the Pain Away!!! 2.7.13

People always ask are you always happy…hmm how to answer. Well, me and my daughter were evicted, my husband asked me for a divorce but I can’t divorce him because my pension is in jeopardy of being garnished, I’m broke, my car is a piece of poop, BUT yeah I’m happy real happy..sometimes I get so happy I feel like I am going to bust! For reals for reals!!!

If I have learned one thing is that you control how you feel…yeah yeah I get sad, mad, jealous what not, CANCEL CANCEL!! When I have cried my heart out till there are no more tears to cry, I dry my eyes…get up and face the world like I am a new person…Voila!! Like magic! Use your tears to cleanse your soul and wash away the pain…don’t use them to run your life.

Learn to laugh, laugh at yourself, laugh at your neighbors, your boss, your friends…just laugh! It is so healthy and it makes you feel good. Rent funny movies, go on Youtube and surf for funny videos. I will make weird faces and shoot them to my friends and sit there and bust up and amuse myself. It is so important that you surround yourself with people that are positive and upbeat and jovial like you would like to be because we are catalyst and we absorb peoples energy…the last thing you want to do is absorb some negative energy. Just have fun! There is no such thing as being too silly, let that inner child come out and play…ALL THE TIME!!
I had to learn to be happy because believe me I wanted to crawl under the blanket and stay there most of the times. I had to act as if…Act as if I was happy…Act as if nothing was bothering me…Act as if I was on top of the world and guess what…slowly slowly it came to be. The happiest people don’t have the best of everything…they just make the best of everything.

I was unhappily married, damn was I going to spend the rest of my life being unhappily single???