When Your Family Can’t Let Your Ex Go

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It has been 2 ½ years since my husband asked me to move out and he wanted a divorce. I am fully aware that it is important to be civil to each other in front of the kids. My children are adults and I find no need to have to see him like if he were picking them up for visitation. So for me this is a blessing.

The Problem:

My kids want their father to be part of my family gatherings. What is worse is that my family also miss him and want him to be around. Everyone feels sorry for him because the only family he had is my family. His mother, father and brother died within the last 5 years.
Trying to Compromise

At the beginning, I agreed to invite my ex to Thanksgiving at my mother’s because my daughter broke down in tears. She felt bad that her father did not have his mother for the holidays. Fine! I let him come, but I was not happy at all.

When my dear friend’s daughter passed on, my daughter got upset because I did not want him there. Why would he want to go? He had went out with us a few times, but that this was my personal friend. But fine! I was really trying hard not to be the bitter scorned ex-wife, so I said o.k. My friends were cordial to him but asked me after, why would he show his face. They did not like him because of the way he dumped me.

Ironically another friend of mine passed away a few months later. This friend was his friend before mine so when I asked if he were going he said, “She wasn’t really my friend.” Hello! He knew this friend for over 25 years so what was the real reason he HAD to go to MY circle of friends?

Then my sister wanted him there for her baby shower when she was having her first baby. She said he was the only male figure growing up and really wanted him there. I was dealing with bad depression because I could not seem to get over him. I was mad at how he rejected me. But what really got to me was that my family didn’t seem to care how I was feeling, they missed him and felt it was time for me to get over it so he could be part of the family again.

The Situation Makes No Sense To Me!:

In the past it was like pulling teeth to get him to come to my family functions. Now that he dumped me, now he wanted to hang out all the time? I said he could come but the whole time at the baby shower I had this void in the pit of my stomach and was so close to tears the whole time. I did not enjoy my own sisters baby shower because all I could think about was he was paying no attention to me. My family sat round him like he was a celebrity.

Now he has a girlfriend and my family expects me to get over it already so he could be part of the activities. Right after I found out he had moved on I missed Thanksgiving at my sister-in-laws house because I knew he was going to be there.  I made it clear that it was him or me, my sister-in-law made it clear that he was invited and I was being immature.

Any Advice Out There?
So I ask to everyone out there, is there anyone else going through this? I want my children to have a good relationship with their father, but I don’t want to have any relationship with him anymore! I can understand when my kids get married or have kids, then of course I would not say I don’t want him there, but this is my family.

My Decision:

After many arguments with my children and my family and expressing that it hurts me to be around him, I surrender. I told my family that I am tired of being the bad guy, so I am pulling away and he could be there in my place. My daughter called me selfish.

So he decides to sever ties with me and move on and I am supposed to accept him with open arms or I am selfish. I am sorry I don’t have to accept someone who rejected me and be chummy with him.

 

Maybe in time but maybe I don’t ever have to be his friend and I will be damned if I am going to be miserable during my family gatherings so “he” won’t be lonely without a family. My thing is he should go with his girlfriend’s family and get close to them since that is who he chooses. He cares nothing about me so why would I care about him?

My family has no regard for my feelings. So my focus is going to be on me and doing what keeps me happy obviously my ex could care less about my feelings so it is not my job to let him screw around with other women and then come play house with my family. And if my family feels it is o.k., then obviously my family cares more about his feelings than mine so this is why I am deciding to pull away from my family.

This is a miserably sad time for me, but what else can I do.

WANTED…A PRINCE….FOR A PRINCESS!!! TRUE STORY!!!

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“WANTED…A PRINCE, FOR A PRINCESS…”

I watched this movie called Labor Day and it is about a wife who got left by her husband because she was in love with love, her heads were in the clouds about love.  She wanted to dance and be held and feel alive with a man but later on in the movie because the husband left, he apologizes to their son for leaving his mother.  He tells him that his mother was a beautiful woman but he just couldn’t give her that special love she needed.  So happens a prisoner takes them hostage one Labor Day weekend and they fall in love…I know, I know farfetched but oh so beautiful and romantic the way taught her to squish those peaches to make peach pies…hmmmm.

Well I won’t tell the ending but I started crying because that was me in the movie.  I don’t want a cheap player who wants me for one night, I don’t want to settle for a comfortable relationship just because I don’t want to be alone.  I believe in love, magical love.  The kind of love where you horse play and tickle each other, surprise each other with gifts, snuggle up from behind them because they just look oh so good, get excited when you see their car pull up or see a text from them or tell them to listen to the words of a song because this is how I feel about you.  Someone that thinks I am adorable and can’t stop saying it and believes it!

Am I living in a dream world.  Have I watched too many Disney movies?  I don’t think so.  I aim high because I deserve the stars and the moon and everything that comes with it.  I am a remarkable woman and I love with all my being and I deserve someone that will do the same for me.

Do you hear that Universe.  I just put my order out to you.  I am patient, but I am ready too.  Send me one hell of a prince.  Because I know there are decent men out there and we women do deserve that.

Oh did I mention I watched Frozen yesterday?  So romantic….Now really really, I would like to be Jasmine with the dark skin and those beautiful flowy silks, maybe I will watch Aladin next….

All joking aside, I don’t want to be a real princess, but shouldn’t every man treat his “girl” like a “princess”?  And shouldn’t every girl treat her “guy” like her “prince”.  In a nutshell that would mean treat them with a whole lot of love and a whole lot of respect.  Chivalry never has to die! Never let that goooooo!  That was a pretty song…

Let it gooooo!  Let it gooooo!  The cold never bothered me anyway!!!