Movie Titles That Describe My Marriage, My Ex, and Sex…Ha!

Funny divorce

I have compiled famous movie titles to describe my ex, my marriage and my sex life.  Because sometimes it feels good to laugh!

Are they talking about a movie or my ex?

  • Barfly (He was a fixture at Bobo’s the Bar)
  • Bringing up the Baby (How many kids did I have?)
  • Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (I wonder who will come home today?)
  • Dumbo (Title says it all)
  • Touch of Evil (Only a touch?)
  • The Heartbreak Kid (Heart destroyer is more like it)
  • Dirty Harry (Didn’t I buy him all kinds of razors?)

The following movie titles sure do sound like they are describing my marriage:

  • The Crying Game (Day and night).
  • The Damned (Oh yes I was).
  • Sleeping with the Enemy (Sleeping with one eye open became a skill).
  • Les Miserables (You said it!).
  • One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (Not flew over, landed right in it).
  • The Snake Pit (Rattlesnakes that is).
  • The Good the Bad and the Ugly (I am the good…he takes what is left over).

Last but not least, I had a chuckle finding movie titles to describe…OUR SEX LIFE!

  • Dawn of the Dead (Wait in the movie they actually moved).
  • Nightmare on Elm Street (Nightmare on whatever my street was called).
  • Much Ado About Nothing (Ado declare it was about nothing).
  • It Happened One Night (Come to think about it, I faked it that night too).
  • Gone with the Wind (Yup, there the sex drive just blew by).
  • The Big Sleep (Is there one called the Big Headache?).
  • Close Encounters of the Thirds Kind (28 years married, encounters of the third kind, that’s about right).
  • Clueless (Skills boy, ya gotta get skills!).
  • All is Quiet on the Western Front (and the Eastern, Southern and Northern!).
  • The Big Chill (And that describes how hot my sex life really was).

Come on people this was fun…can you think of any?

PEACE OF MIND…PEACE IN YOUR HEART

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I can be on the treadmill and close my eyes and reach a point of stillness, of silence and drown out the clinging of the weights, the booming of the music.  A place of peace and serenity. A place I never have been before.

A year and a half ago I was forced out of the house I was living with my husband because my mother-in-law owned the house.  A couple months before my husband had already asked me for a divorce and I was sleeping on the couch.  I knew the marriage was over, I think, I wasn’t sure.  I mean we have said it a million times before and it never happened so I think in the back of my head it might have been a hollow threat with it being real vocally.  “Sure you want a divorce, fine I will give you one!”

But in the back of my head I kinda thought maybe we would get back together when his mother would die.  She was dying of terminal Cancer and she and my daughters fighting was one of the reasons we were fighting..  Guess what he offered.  He told me he had an extra room because after my daughter moved out he didn’t want me to live on the street I was on alone.

Ok let’s think about that.  That sounds like roommate talk no?  Then I find out he has a girlfriend.  Ok this is becoming more real.  Now I find out he doesn’t want me back anymore.

Now let’s get this straight, I would never ever go back to him.  I know he will never ever make me happy.  This is not the issue.  I am a sick puppy here because listen to what the issue is.

I wanted him to be in that big house all by himself, so depressed and cursing the day he ever let me go.  I wanted him to ask me to come home as a wife and me tell him, no you hurt me and I never want you back.  I wanted him to apologize for what he did.  I wanted him to realize that I was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Guess what people.  He moved on and didn’t look back.  The girls really like him, he has a big house because of his mother leaving it to him so he has something to offer. Whew. Well that Karma didn’t quite work out like I wanted it to and I have a lot of work to do on myself on getting over this resentment that I have on things not being fair. Because in the scheme of life I will make my life happy. Life with him was not supposed to be and that pain was not for nothing, feel it and let it go…let it go! My time will come because I am a good person. But the most important thing of all. Don’t obsess over him because it is none of my business what life deals him, good or bad, it just is out of my control whether he becomes a bum or a millionaire. That is too much energy spent on him. If I could spend that much energy spent on myself, I could turn that negative energy into positive energy and do something useful to bring myself up.

So this is my main focus in my life right now, dealing with my resentments and learning to let them go. Not let my ex live in my head rent free. I am learning some pretty cool meditation tools to learn to still my mind for that endless chatter and it is helpful.

So if you are dealing with anger and it is eating you up, you have some forgiveness you have to work on because it will eat you alive.

When I think he has a house and a girlfriend, I remind myself, yeah but I have a mom that is still alive, and man I would rather have my mom more than any man or any house. It is all in how you see things.

Peace be with me…Peace be with you and may all our resentments leave us so we may live in serenity and have peace in our hearts….that isn’t asking too much is it?

BE HAPPY WITHOUT HIM

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BE HAPPY WITHOUT HIM

Have you ever thought that maybe you are not happy with your life after divorce/separation because you don’t want to be?  Now, now, before you start sending me “hate” replies, keep reading so I can explain.  I watched this documentary on happiness and they showed this family that lived in South America.  This family lived in a hut with no furniture, just sheets all over the dirt floors, their clothes were disheveled and torn,  the children had no shoes and ran around like little mongrels.    The worst part of all is that every day to eat, they didn’t go to any refrigerator or drive-thru at McDonalds…oh no they had to go to the fields and milk the goats, harvest the veggies, pluck the trees for fruit, momma is grinding something on a big rock with another rock that looks like gruel.  Oh yeah eating is not simple over there.  I will tell you one thing though, if you have to go through all that to eat, you better believe there is not a weight problem over there.  Everyone’s BMI is way below the suggested guidelines.  I hate those damn guidelines, who invented that darn BMI…anyways…

Oh, where was I?  Oh yeah the happy South Americans!  Well they were very social people, they would visit each other, I mean what else was there to do but talk because it isn’t like they could watch t.v. but with no furniture they would just squat.  Yeah, SQUAT!  Could you imagine….”Dear go out back to the goat and get our guest a cup of milk…please guest come into my hut, have a squat”  Ha!

Ok, I am getting carried away, we are supposed to get to a point here.   The whole point on this documentary was how could these families that in our standards, as Americans, living in extreme poverty, say they are so happy.  In my eyes they worked so freaking hard from the time they opened their eyes to the time they went to bed and really didn’t have much to show for.  Yet they all were loving to each other, playful and always smiling.  Wow!

Now my working hard was not putting any smile on my face.  I was harboring a deep resentment against my husband because he ended up with a big beautiful home that he was allowed to kick me out of because it was his mother’s.  Yeah I was bitter seeing him owning a gorgeous home and me renting a small apartment  yet we were paying the same a month.  I was bitter because he worked 5 days a week and I worked 7 days a week, 2 jobs missing family parties, friend weekend getaways and in my head, being flown by Johnny Depp to Paris for a 3 day weekend.  How did I get the raw end of the deal?  Wah wah wah!!!

Now I could have moved back to my mommy’s house in the spare room, maybe put up some Led Zeppelin and KISS posters on the wall and have all kinds of money to burn at the mall, oh hey, I could even afford to buy the clothes at Hot Topics.  I wonder if they would start carding me again?  Let’s not forget Johnny Depp, what am I going to tell him.  Uh yeah Johnny I am a 48 year old but you can pick me up at my mommy’s if you want to fly me to Paris for a 3 day weekend.  For sure he will never ask me for a second date and I cannot risk that.  So of course I stayed in my apartment and I worked 7 days a week, paid my bills, day after day after day.

Something started to happen, I noticed my pocket change turned into a small savings.  Now this maybe no big deal to you, but to Catalina this was huge!  I have always lived check to check with NOTHING NOTHING to spare.  In fact I was borrowing a couple $20s till payday from mom, husband anyone.  So when I looked in my savings and seen in 3 months I saved so so much I was floored.  Now during this time I had changed work assignments which called for more of an office attire wardrobe.  So I had bought me several really nice beautiful dresses.  The kind of dress that people come up to you all day and say, “Wow where did you get that dress?”  and you get to do a little twirl and say, “Ross!”

That savings is not for every weekend fly by the seat whatever.  I have the money for that week camping trip to Yosemite with my adult babies.  I have money to plan getaway trips with my beautiful girlfriends.  I have money for my little sisters first shower gift.  I can take some days off.  I don’t have to work every single weekend.  It is about really picking and choosing and appreciating my time that I do get off.

I noticed my thousands of dollars worth of debt will be zero by June and I could get that car.  Did I do all this myself???  I checked my credit rating and it is really good.  The only thing keeping it from perfect is that I haven’t purchased a home or car, well hello I didn’t know you needed to be buying stuff like that to have better credit…Fine I will get a new car…will that make the credit bureau happy?  I know it will make me happy!  Holy Guacamole good credit? Me?  Where is a pedestal, somebody get me a pedestal and a cape!  I have an incredible need to stand on top of a pedestal with my hands on my hips and declare, “I am a woman!  An independent woman and I am making it out here in this big world with no help from a man or even my mommy!”

Then I thought of that South American family that worked so hard day after day and why they were so happy.  That sense of accomplishment.  It really wasn’t about having a big two-story hut with a local McDonalds they could ride their Ox to at lunchtime for a Big Mac.  No it was that sense of accomplishment.  They had everything they needed there with them.  They had their loved ones.  They had rich soil to harvest their food.  They knew true gratefulness and when you become so grateful for what you have then you will find happiness.

I had it wrong the whole time didn’t I?  I had been ungrateful this whole time.  Wahhhh I have to go to my wonderful county job of almost 20 years that has given me the best of friends and has given me the best assignments!  Wahhhh, I have to go to work at as a pet nutritionist and play with the cutest dogs and basically just chill all day and talk yet make really decent money.  Wahhh I live in a cute 2 bedroom apartment that I pay for all by myself.

So when I say maybe you are not happy with your life because you don’t want to be, think about it.  What are you focusing on.  Him?  Your losses?  The past?  The betrayal?  Is that what you are CHOOSING to focusing on that is making you so unhappy?  I know that is what I was doing.  Turn it around girlie, those South Americans can sure teach us a lot about life.  It is all in how you CHOOSE to look at it!!

So as I walk into my second job, there will be an extra bounce to my step.  A little extra sparkle to my smile…I say extra because there is a whole lotta sparkle already.  I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to, today, Saturday, I get to go to work where so many people can’t even find one job, I am blessed with two so I have been able to make it like I set out to do when I started this blog.  This job allows me to be the proud independent woman who I set out to be when my husband kicked me out October 2012 and I was afraid of doing it on my own.   At 50ish I GET to take care of myself and that makes me happier than shit!!!