TRUST…

Some areas I have not tapped into working on. Some areas are still scary and hurt. It is scarier and more painful than abuse to me.

Trust.

I was just told, in order to properly heal, I have to mourn the end of one relationship before starting a new one. One step further, for up to six months!

The concept of being alone is this to “find myself”. What exactly am I finding? What does this mean? Am I on the back of a milk carton reported missing? Because last time I checked, I never left.

Oh the webs we weave, ok! My quest for love continues. It is a journey that I continue to climb the highest mountain in pursuit of.

The mountain I left didn’t have it, my husband. I climbed it all the way to the top. Oh, what a jagged, rocky high mountain it was. Full of peaks and loose rocks. So many times I lost my footage, but I continued my climb. I was sure that I would find what I was looking for.  If I pushed forward and could just reach the top.  But two peaks up, and I would fall three peaks down.

Visions of sugarplums dance in my head. They are dancing around and they seem so real, the sweet sugary taste tantalize my taste buds and I want to consume them up. The deep frosty purple glisten as they swirl round and round threatening to burst with the sweet nectar they are filled with.

So you are back to dating, yet you find yourself comparing or looking for someone like your ex.

It is now that I realize

even though I am no longer with him

my body and soul may be released

but the damage has been done

A major part of me remains to be healed

A major part of me is broke

My marriage may be over

Let the healing begin