It has been 2 ½ years since my husband asked me to move out and he wanted a divorce. I am fully aware that it is important to be civil to each other in front of the kids.
WITH MY DAUGHTERS HELP
As Mother’s Day approaches I would like to do a special shout out to a special little girl.
I mentioned how friends helped me through my separation, but there is a little girl… Well not so little…in fact she is a big ol’ moose. Not so, she is my moose! My daughter is my moose and I don’t mean she’s a horrendous boarish animal with horns like antlers and huge antlers and hooves; she is a beautiful lady…girl…woman…girl to me. 26 to be exact. To me she looks like a model, and if you saw her you would think so too. Why am I going on about her?
Some women are left to fend for themselves with small children to raise. Wow, these are the biggest heroes of all. Then we have the women who are left to fend for themselves, alone with grown or no children at all. To go out into the world all by their lonesome. Then there are middle of the ground women like me. Oh I was blessed. I went out into the wild blue yonder with my big grown adult woman as my roomie. It was looked upon as an adventure. Oh yeah, we were going to be like Thelma and Louise! Out to cause havoc. It was around Christmas time, we got us a pink tree with ornaments that consisted of high heels, hand bags, lipstick. Our apartment was going to be themed Chick Power!
There were days when I was scared. This was new to me. The fear of doing it on my own set in. How am I going to fend for myself financially? I got depressed and my daughter would say, “come on mom let’s go max out your card at Wal-Mart.” Kinda defeats the purpose huh? Whatever, it worked. We spent time shopping and just hanging out. This gave me time to get used to the idea of being alone. I wasn’t thrown out into the cold world by myself, I had the warmth of my loving daughter by my side. No TV, (we couldn’t afford cable) we only had each other to talk to, and a radio/CD player playing Dixie Chicks over and over.
Thank you baby girl. Thank you for becoming the training wheels I needed to go out into the big bad world. Thank you for the times we would dye your hair and you would pull out my gray hair (whoops did I say that?) or put on Christmas music and decorate our Chick Power Christmas tree with high heels, hand bags and pink and purple foo-foo things.
Ironically, Dixie Chick’s Land Slide became my song because it talks about children growing older and life going on. My child did grow older and she’s now my side kick. Long ago when my daughter was probably only 12, I went to a Tarot card reader at a swap meet. This lady looked over at my daughter and told me she felt that there was a special bond between my daughter and I, not your normal mother daughter relationship. Later on in life she would be like a kindred spirit to me. At her young age this lady saw the bond that would happen later on, and I understand it now.
They say you should always separate friendship from parenting, I disagree. My daughter is one of my best friends, and I am told I am one of hers too.
She has grown to be a beautiful strong woman and when I grow up, I hope to be just like her!!
LONELINESS AND EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
Today I wrote a poem I was so proud of I showed it to my daughter. I realize I am suffering from “Empty Nest Syndrome” put on top with my marriage collapsing, and abandonment issues…and oh yeah…I just started some weird azz medication for anxiety because I have been stuffing my emotions again going back to the end of my marriage…putting it mildly I have issues. In a nutshell I wrote a poem about how I was going to cope better with my daughter having a life as she flies the coop with her new boyfriend while I deal with learning to be alone…same old song and dance I have been yodeling and tapping to these last few days.
But it’s good, no? I’m letting go of my daughter and I called her the princess in the poem and letting her be happy and move on in her life just how life is supposed to be. I don’t want to be those overbearing mothers… Yes mother dear…No mother dear…you never call you mother…no no I don’t wan’t to be like those mothers…ok so I send her the poem and she gets sad. I’m sorry mom, she tells me I will try to spend more time with you… NOOOOO!!!!
Oh God!! Subconciously am I pulling a guilt trip on her? I don’t want that! I am so sad when she walks out the door in a flash, I admit that! I do want her to sit on the couch with me and be my couch buddy and watch movies but she is a beautiful young girl and she has a new life with a young man that is wonderful and he is wonderful to her and they have a bright future.
It is so important to me that my children not get caught up in saving mommy. Mommy is going to be fine! Oh wait maybe I should say something like “mom” or maybe even “mother” instead of “mommy”. Whoops, Freudian slip eh? Ok let me say that again, Mother doesn’t need saving! I don’t want to be one of those mothers who use those guilt tactics to make her children come spend time with her.
I already know I am like one of the coolest moms to hang around with and I don’t have to bribe anyone to hang out with me. We have our annual camping trip coming up where we are cut off from society and really rough it out in the wild blue yonder and I have my adult children and their mates all to myself for almost a week and I LOVE IT!
So I need to grow up and let my “Happy Princess” carry on with her life and continue to build my new life!
MY HAPPY PRINCESS
I sit as I watch my daughter of 26 primp up and flash out the door
And she leaves and she leaves and she leaves
How I long for her to stay with me and watch movies
How I long for her to want to stay home and just talk
And do nothing but ask how my day went
How I long for her pace to slow as slow as my pace
Just to keep me company as my day slows just to me and my walls
But she has a life to live that doesn’t include me anymore
And I know it’s a happy good life with a good mate
So instead I will sit and I will watch my happy princess
As she leaves and leaves and leaves
And my heart swells with happiness
Because this is what I wished for
So long ago
ABUSIVE HOME AND CHILDREN
It is always been said that a child needs both parents to raise them as a couple. You hear,
“I stayed with him for the kids”
“Oh I can’t leave him, what about the kids.”