Quotes To Grow When Lonely



“I’m learning a lot “myself being alone, and doing what I’m doing.” Chantal Kreviazuk

“The time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by your self.” Douglas Coupland

“When everything is lonely I can be my best friend.” Conor Oberst

“I restore myself when I am alone.” Marilyn Monroe

“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.” Robin Williams

“The best part about being alone is that you really don’t have to answer to anybody. You do what you want.” Justin Timberlake

“Being alone and actually sitting with out own thoughts can lead to such growth and realizations that are rare in our everday busy lives.” Kourtney Kardashian

“It is far better to be alone than to be in bad company.” George Washington

“One travels more usefully when alone, because he reflects more.” Thomas Jefferson

“You’re only lonely if you’re not there for you.” Phil McGraw





Dealing with The Loneliness

I grew up in a large Hispanic family with wall to wall kids. That is why everyone should always have more than one child because then you always have a friend. I always had lots of friends. I had my siblings and we would go to my relatives house and of course they had wall to wall kids so it was always a full house…loneliness, what the heck was that? I mean you didn’t even go to the bathroom alone, I don’t mean to sound crude but it seemed that when I had to go pee someone always had to go too and we fought over who went in the tub and who got the toilet, one bathroom.

As teenagers we had several beds and all of us slept in the same room even my teenage brother, no big deal. I remember going to a friend’s house and she had her own room and it was decorated like they do in magazines with the pink canopy all princess style, ruffles everywhere , teddy bears that never were played with…say what! Own room? Going to bed was the time where the best conversations went on, this was the time when you layed there quiet with your thoughts and you would think of something and you would say, hey are you awake…and you would start a whole conversation about a topic on your one thought and you may stay up for hours and topics would seem so deep and it maybe something simple like how cool our new metal pool was.

NoW here I am at 47…a grown adult in an apartment with a cat that won’t talk to me. No kids, nobody to talk to. I mean during the day I could go visit people. But at sometime you come home and it becomes nighttime and the place is so alone….It sucks. They say after a divorce is the time to get to know yourself, get acquainted to yourself…

Ok Catalina this is Catalina…how are you…

Oh I am not doing to well..I am quite lonely in this apartment….and how are you doing…

well why do you ask…I am you so wouldn’t I be feeling the same damn way?…

Why you cursing shouldn’t you be nice to yourself….

Am I doing it right? I mean has anyone written a book on what they mean by getting acquainted with yourself, I know what I like to eat, if someone showed me a picture of myself and said who is this I know I could say, Oh that’s me. So I am very confused as to what getting acquainted is. Being comfortable in your own skin is another term they use…let me try to define that…that means being able to sit in an apartment alone and not feel lonely, what if I never am happy being by myself. There are people called Hermits that could sit in a house alone at the drop of a dime, who said that is healthy. But then again, why am I whining to you all, what am I expecting ….I guess I am just venting…being alone sucks…I miss people…I miss having someone to talk to… I miss the presence of another human being beside my cat that doesn’t talk. Wait I hear Mexican music, maybe I should walk to this random house and just pretend I am part of their family and just blend in…




Setting: Recently divorced, I have been sleeping on the floor for 4 months because I can’t afford to buy a bed. I have finally been able to get a bed. After all this time I have a bed. I put my sheets on it and my comfy comforter and pulled the comforter back in an inviting way and took pictures of it and put it all over Face Book so all my friends could see that I have accomplished my first big step as an “independent woman”…I bought a bed!

Bed: (softly) Hey.

Me: (looking around quickly) Who said that!

Bed: (still in a sultry deep manly voice, sounding just like Barry White!!!) It’s me, your bed.

Me: Say what! Beds don’t talk!

Bed: That’s besides the point. How long has it been for you?

Me: Excuse me?

Bed: Been separated for several months, no?

Me: Maybe, but I don’t think that is any of your business. I was doing fine, my blow up mattress was comfortable!

Bed: Ha! That thing was still wet behind the ears. Didn’t know anything about making a real woman comfortable at night. I can make all your dreams come true. That’s what I’m here for.

Me: Theres is no need to throw stones, it did just fine.

Bed: Did it now? I’m here because of you, so that tells me something.

Me: (turning a crimson red) uhm…

Bed: No need to be embarrassed baby, but I like you when you’re shy. (Voice turns husky) Close the door behind you…you look very uncomfortable in your work clothes…they need to come off … all off … come to bed baby …

Me: (Looking up quickly) On one condition, (then slowly looks down, wringing hands nervously) door stays open and bra and panties stay on…I don’t want you to think I’m too fast.

Bed: So be it. Come. I’m waiting.

Scene quickly goes to the following day as the sun has arisen and I am sitting up hair tosseled, smoking a cigarette, a small smirk on my face.

Bed: Someone looks well rested.

Me: (Biting my lower lip) You can say that.

Bed: I take it you are ….pleased…

Me: (turning out my cigarette then coyly running my finger across the sheets) you can say that too.

Bed: (Voice get a little lower and a little huskier) Aren’t you going to be late for work?

Out of the corner of my eye I see that my closet is a little open and a corner of my blow up mattress is peeking out…is that a tear I see running down the side of it. I walk over and slowly close the closet door.

Me: (quietly to the blow up mattress I whisper) I’m sorry.

Me: (I jump back into bed and throw the blankets over me) I’m ready for another nap!

Bed: Oh Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




I want to thank my ex for letting me go. I have learned to be alone. I have learned that being alone doesn’t mean that I have to feel lonely. Sleeping by myself is kinda a treat. Ok I sleep on a blow up mattress cause I still can’t afford a bed and yeah it does feel like I’m laying out in a pool on a floaty sometimes but it’s my floaty and I don’t need to feel a man next to me anymore. I am enough.

My daughter can leave for three days and it is ok with me, I have the apartment to myself!!! There is a sense of peace when I am by myself. I have gotten to know Catalina and I like her. Yeah she is kinda on the eccentric side, but I like that about her. She is damn interesting to know. If she weren’t me, I would love to be her friend.

I want to thank my ex for letting me go because I am a stronger person now. I used to cry at the drop of a hat. Something happened along the way and I am stronger. I can walk with my head up high because I can take care of myself after all. Yeah I know I sleep on a floaty…but let’s remember its “my” floaty! I don’t have to depend on a man to pay my bills, I don’t have to depend on a man to fix my car. I am doing it on my own. I found my own mechanic. I take it to Jiffy Lube, and I know they will try to get you to buy everything they sell and I just have to stand tall and know it is all a game cause I am a woman. I nod my head, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure ok, then I take it to the mechanic down the street from my mommys who is trustworthy and gives me a good deal AND I TRUST.

Thank you dear husband, for hurting me because you made my skin thicker, but you didn’t make my heart bitter, you just made me wiser. You made me more cautious so that now I demand to be treated with respect. You didn’t make me bitter because I want to love again, and I will, just not now because I am enjoying this thing called independence too much. I love doing what I want, when I want and not answering to anyone and am learning to be selfish and know it is ok to think “me”, “me”, “me”! I have learned that I will trust men again because I know what to not look for in a man. I have learned the caution signs. I have learned to spot a loser a mile away. I have learned that I am worthy of more than having a man like you.

But it wasn’t easy, I had to fight to feel better, I had to fight to be ok with this situation. I had to wake up at night afraid of the dark, I had to stress and worry if I can make the bills…and I still do, I had to wonder if it was me, what is wrong with me that our marriage didn’t work, what could I have done different. I had to let it consume me for a while to finally realize that there was nothing I could have done, you were done and there was nothing I could have done and most of all I had to learn to be ok with it all.

But thanks to you I am a stronger woman, I found my new passion, writing. Watch me grow…this little girl is not going to crawl in a corner and wither away…she is going to continue to grow and do big things!!!


As I was writing this …. Funny thing a song came on by Kelly Clarkson…did God send this to me at the right time…did the Angels send this to me as a message…as a confirmation of everything I said. It sent shivers down my spine…I am telling you the Angels speak to me through music…you will be moved by the words in this song…




In the Tarot cards, the five of cups shows a man standing in a black cloak (black representing gloom, sadness) he covers his face with a piece of the material as if crying, hence we call this card crying over spilt milk. He is standing over three tipped over golden cups with their contents spilled out. He is broken hearted and cannot focus on anything except his three spilt cups. The cups represent emotion, love, feelings in the Tarot. Anyways…he is so focused on what he lost that he is oblivious to the two fully erect cups that stand behind him, filled to the rim, his for the taking. Is this you?

Are you standing in life going wah wah over say a butt head man that you can’t have, when you have maybe some beautiful children, or good health, or a good job, or the best friends, or parents who are still alive, or really bitchen hair…come the sky is the limit you tell me cause I am not standing by you I can’t see what you have and you better not be one of those people who sit there with their bottom lip sticking out saying, “I don’t know”. How about God plops your butt in a little village in Somalia with flies swarming around your eyes and water and you have no food, all you have is dirty water with mosquitos in it, then are you gonna remember what good things you have? Yeah that’s what I thought!

If you are one of those whiners that are forgetting what you are to be grateful for, then you need to sit your butt down pen and paper in hand and make you a list and stick that thing on your fridge. You need to make it a daily habit every morning and say a thank you.

Learn to be grateful for what we have, be grateful you found me and you have the enthusiasm to want happiness. Write that list, look at that list very very often. God has given us more than we know and appreciate.



The Nightmare Continues 3.4.13

As I fell asleep I hear a sizzling sound, OMG!! I started cooking and I forgot to turn off the pan. I tell myself get up but I cannot wake myself up. I do my morning motivation sound off…One Two Three Get UP!! It isn’t working. Wake Up Catalina! Wake UP! But I can’t!! Oh I know, the smoke alarm will sound off and wake me up when the pan starts smoking. When the pan starts smoking? What if it is engulfed in flames by then, what if it is too late. I COULD DIE!!! With every inch of my strength I tried to open up my eyes….WAKE UP CATALINA!!!

Alas!!! Oh…It was a nightmare….the room is pitch black…there is no smell of smoke…no popping sizzling sound…it was all a nightmare. OMG IT’S DARK! I HIGH TAIL IT AND FLIP ON THE LIGHTS I AM SCARED OF THE DARK!!
My daughter is gone with her boyfriend as always, and I am all alone in the apartment, alone…alone as always. Being raised in a home with lots of brothers and sisters, now going through a divorce leaving a house full of people now I was alone…all alone and I am afraid…afraid of the dark.

Damn it, I thought I had this alone thing down, I even wrote this blog saying how beautiful and peaceful this alone thing is and here I was like a 5 year old. Now I am crying. I am scared. What is happening, I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to shut the light out, I want someone to be here with me, no my cat is not enough, she scratches me if I try to hug her too tight..I have nobody I thought. I am lonely.
STOP IT! I sit and gather my thoughts, I always sit and think, what is my lesson in this, if I am going through something painful, I stop myself, what is my lesson. Through each shred of pain I am given there is a lesson attached.

It isn’t over. I think I have it down pat and I fall and smack my face down on the floor. I am a human being, this hurts, I am normal. I am going to have my ups and my downs. I am not superwoman and it is ok.
I have the urge to lie on the couch and turn on the television. I want to escape my thoughts. Ah ha! That is it! The television to escape my thoughts…this will have to be another blog.

But Catalina will be a big girl, I had some toast and am going to go to bed, no Sponge Bob Square Pants night light either. I can’t let myself turn into no wah wah at night, at 47 I can’t be afraid of the dark…
Dear God, please take care of my children make sure they are safe and Mr. Sandman come and cuddle with me…I’m tired!