When Your Family Can’t Let Your Ex Go


It has been 2 ½ years since my husband asked me to move out and he wanted a divorce. I am fully aware that it is important to be civil to each other in front of the kids.

The Problem:

My kids want their father to be part of my family gatherings. What is worse is that my family also miss him and want him to be around. Everyone feels sorry for him because the only family he had is my family. His mother, father and brother died within the last 5 years.
Trying to Compromise

At the beginning, I agreed to invite my ex to Thanksgiving at my mother’s because my daughter broke down in tears. She felt bad that her father did not have his mother for the holidays. Fine! I let him come, but I was not happy at all.

When my dear friend’s daughter passed on, my daughter got upset because I did not want him there. Why would he want to go? He had went out with us a few times, but that this was my personal friend. But fine! I was really trying hard not to be the bitter scorned ex-wife, so I said o.k. My friends were cordial to him but asked me after, why would he show his face. They did not like him because of the way he dumped me.

Ironically another friend of mine passed away a few months later. This friend was his friend before mine so when I asked if he were going he said, “She wasn’t really my friend.” Hello! He knew this friend for over 25 years so what was the real reason he HAD to go to MY circle of friends?

Then my sister wanted him there for her baby shower when she was having her first baby. She said he was the only male figure growing up and really wanted him there. I was dealing with bad depression because I could not seem to get over him. I was mad at how he rejected me. But what really got to me was that my family didn’t seem to care how I was feeling, they missed him and felt it was time for me to get over it so he could be part of the family again.

The Situation Makes No Sense To Me!:

In the past it was like pulling teeth to get him to come to my family functions. Now that he dumped me, now he wanted to hang out all the time? I said he could come but the whole time at the baby shower I had this void in the pit of my stomach and was so close to tears the whole time. I did not enjoy my own sisters baby shower because all I could think about was he was paying no attention to me. My family sat round him like he was a celebrity.

Now he has a girlfriend and my family expects me to get over it already so he could be part of the activities. Right after I found out he had moved on I missed Thanksgiving at my sister-in-laws house because I knew he was going to be there.  I made it clear that it was him or me, my sister-in-law made it clear that he was invited and I was being immature.

Any Advice Out There?
So I ask to everyone out there, is there anyone else going through this? I want my children to have a good relationship with their father, but I don’t want to have any relationship with him anymore! I can understand when my kids get married or have kids, then of course I would not say I don’t want him there, but this is my family.

My Decision:

After many arguments with my children and my family and expressing that it hurts me to be around him, I surrender. I told my family that I am tired of being the bad guy, so I am pulling away and he could be there in my place. My daughter called me selfish.

So he decides to sever ties with me and move on and I am supposed to accept him with open arms or I am selfish. I am sorry I don’t have to accept someone who rejected me and be chummy with him.


Maybe in time but maybe I don’t ever have to be his friend and I will be damned if I am going to be miserable during my family gatherings so “he” won’t be lonely without a family. My thing is he should go with his girlfriend’s family and get close to them since that is who he chooses. He cares nothing about me so why would I care about him?

My family has no regard for my feelings. So my focus is going to be on me and doing what keeps me happy obviously my ex could care less about my feelings so it is not my job to let him screw around with other women and then come play house with my family. And if my family feels it is o.k., then obviously my family cares more about his feelings than mine so this is why I am deciding to pull away from my family.

This is a miserably sad time for me, but what else can I do.

A Mother to My Soul Mates


Have you ever thought you have searched in the wrong place for your Soul Mate or as my daughter said and my jaw dropped..Kindred Spirit?

It isn’t always someone who has to put his “you know what” in your “you know what” or lay down at night with or even someone to look deep into your eyes into on Valentines Days over a candlelight dinner.

As I spoke to my daughter last night I realized I had never had to play any games with my love for her with her nor my son. I could tell her how my heart feels like it could burst from the love it has for her. There are no dumb rules I have to follow with my love for my kids, don’t show my love or they are going to run for the hills.  Be careful with the “L” word.  Oh my God, the more you tell your children that you love them, the sweeter your relationship feels, at least mine does.  

You know we have issues when the book industry on how to make a man love us is a multi-million dollar industry.  Yeah there are plenty books on how to show love to your kids or how to make your kids respect you but lets compare which section waaaay over powers the other.

I am told that your children can be your kindred spirits or soul mates, I feel it is confirmed with me. It makes so much sense from the intense burst of love I feel when I think of them or when they are approaching them or when I see them.

I quit my 2nd job because I need to be there on Friday night when they play softball and I am practically flying in the air as my girl caught TWO!!! TWOOOO!!! FLY BALLS!!!

Guess what I prayed to God… I thanked him for bringing my ex into my life because he gsve me these two wonderful souls.  This person that I could not even think about in the past without wanting to jump on a horse with a steel armor suit and a sword and charge him piercing straight in the…. well you get my drift.  Thank you God because his love is … was a gift that gave me my soul mates.

I wouldn’t be experiencing this wisdom if I were not single…

Having an epiphany…

My Family Portrait


My Family Portrait Without a Husband

My most prized possession as a single person

I keep this close to me here at my job

It’s a small Christmas portrait of my children and I

They had asked me what did I want this year

I said if I can’t have this give me nothing at all

Oh how the eyes rolled and the lips how they smacked

I needed this for some peculiar reason that I don’t understand

It is a symbol of my new family and it shows that I’m ok

We sit in a triangle, my daughter, son and I

My beautiful children poised beautifully in their Sunday best

Except for the tattered boots that my daughter wore

This is my new family, there is no husband standing next to me

Yet I sport a smile from ear to ear



Say Hi To Your New Step Mother!

Holy Shit! Say What! Yeah most kids cuss in their heads. Alright maybe I was a rotten kid…whatever.

Has this happened already in your life…that is if you have kids, small kids. Every situation is different. Let’s look at it through different eyes. Either they are going to have to meet your ex’s new other half of yours…we are talking in the future…I don’t know the situation so I am making up my own..ok….anyways.

Chances are even if they are an adult this is going to be traumatic or horrible or depressing or awkward or all of the above. Now every now and then we have a situation where a well behaved…well adjusted best child in the world feels…golly gee …my parent sure does deserve to be happy and is well deserving of meeting someone…I sure hope they hurry up and meet a new love and I hope this is fast. Ha! Now I said every now and then…if you have one of those kids…go away you big show off this article is not for you.

Now let me get back to the parent of the more normal kids who are going to have issues, and pout , and and be pissed, and let’s just say they are going to react more normal than those goody two shoe kids…ok.

Mommy or daddy being with another person is tough. It is important that we don’t shove this new person down their throat. DO NOT AND I REPEAT, DO NOT FORCE THEM TO CALL THIS NEW PERSON MOMMY OR DADDY. LET THEM DO IT ON THEIR OWN IF THEY WANT TO!!!!

Be very prepared and prepare your new person that it is very likely that your child(ren) will be unwelcoming. In fact I would sit down and talk with your child to prepare them for that visit. If you went off and got married I guess you would introduce them sooner, but still have that talk first with your child before introducing them…boy I would love to be a fly on YOUR wall…uhm honey, mommy went to Vegas….remember that movie The Hangover?…well mommy has a new husband. Anyways….

What if you are just playing the field…you know trying on different shoes if you know what I mean…DON’T BRING EVERY TOM, DICK (AND I DO MEAN DICK) AND HARRY (LIKE A GORILLA) INTO YOUR BEDROOM!!!!! NASTY!!! Come on ladies, our kids are our future…we need their respect…they are watching us and absorbing everything they learn from us like little sponge. Let’s not screw them up, which is exactly what we will be doing!!!!

So if you are dating around, which hey girl, more power to you…stay safe…if you are going to be more than just holding hands…more than just kissing lips…more than…you know where I am going please don’t make me say it..Ok I will say it…If you are going to be doing the Humpty Dump…make him wear a condom!!!! Ever get bored…look up “Blue Waffle Disease” there is some nasty stuff out there…unless you have a portable S.T.D. kit with you, tell him wrap it up please!

Why do I always get off track…that is ok, S.T.D.’s are important. If you are dating around, no need to introduce them to your kids. If it is one of 100, keep them on the low low.

If meet Mr. special and become exclusive with a special Mr. special. And man you really like him and man you really want him to come to dinner and meet your kids. Talk to your kids. Do they even want to meet him? If they don’t want to meet him, do you want to make that dinner party where you make your wonderful beef stroganoff and you are all dolled up and Mr. special comes in his best Sunday suit with daffodils and Legos for the kids and your kids are going to throw those Legos straight in his face cause they said they don’t want to meet him! Now I don’t know about you but I respect my children’s feelings. My opinion, I respect my children’s opinion very much too.

Give them some time, maybe have him stop by real quick IN THE FUTURE. Stay a little longer. Give them time to get used to this man that is probably boinging their mom…Yeah some kids think like that and that is why they don’t want to accept a new man in their mommy’s life. Eww what a pig, they think.

Let’s return to getting used to your ex’s new other half. I know what you are thinking. I bet you are doing everything you can to make her a monster to your kids…don’t lie! Course you are and that is normal. I am going to spread MY stuff out there…when my ex had a new woman. She had this huge tumor….I am talking huge on the side of her face. This tumor was so huge it pulled her whole mouth to the left part of her face and it looked like she was talking out of her left cheek…No lie…True story. Oh man did I have a field day with this. I would tell my 9 year old daughter…she is a monster. I would mock this woman to my daughter and tell my daughter that she was part monster. My daughter would tell me, “Mommy I’m afraid when she talks to me, she looks like a monster.” I loved it!! Ha Ha I would call my ex and tell him, you know your new girlfriends face is scaring the kids, you need to do something about it…LMAO!!!! OH I LOVED IT!!!! Alright this is getting out of control I am laughing out of control on my side and this is not cool, we should not be doing this. This is a new me and I do not condone it OK….but it was funny! WAS!

Let’s talk about hating on a girlfriend…yup people get the popcorn out I am spreading my stuff out there again. When my dad started dating after he and my mom split up…oh how I hated on her. I used to call her dogface behind her back. She was a very short lady and we went to the beach one time and I took her into the water and coherced her to go in deep, she didn’t realize that the waves were going to make the water way deeper and then I went in to shore leaving her at the mercy of the huge wave that almost drowned her. Don’t call me the devils spawning, I was a child, I was only 9! I really didn’t want her to die. No she didn’t die, she was able to drag herself out of there…she was fine. But see I was feeling a certain loyalty to my mom by being mean to her. I couldn’t like her, oh no that would hurt mom. I would feel guilty if I wasn’t mean to her, how terrible is that. Kid’s should not have to carry that burden. This is about the parents, not the kids.

If you feel you need to have your children on your side against your ex, then you need to work on you. That is just plain selfish. These are your children, get a friend if you want to talk trash about your ex, don’t do it to your children. It doesn’t matter what he did, it is still their dad and you need to keep your relationship separate from theirs. You want emotionally healthy kids…right?

Ok so we need preparation. What are you going to do when little Jill comes home and says, “Mommy guess what, daddy’s new girlfriend and I went to the beauty shop and we both got our nails done see how pretty my nails are.” Oh boy this is a doozy! Your baby bonded with the enemy. Now what.

A. Do you grab the nail polish remover and remove it screeching that only hussies wear
nail polish!
B. Pick up the phone calling “that woman” screaming you would appreciate that she ask you
permission before she assumes that your daughter is old enough to wear nail polish.
C. Tell her it looks nice and if bothered say you have a bad bout of diahreah and need to
run to the john and quietly weep there.

Maybe it doesn’t bother you and you can say that is nice and go along with what you are going, but if it bothers you, I would advise C. If your child is following you around at your heels and talking nonstop and we did this, and we did that, and she did this, oh and guess what. Ok the kid needs to be quieted down. That is when we need to quiet the little boogar and calmly be honest telling him/her that it hurts mommy to hear what you are saying so let’s not share these stories anymore…instead let’s read books. And distract your child with something else.
It is all about time. Oh buddy do I know about the pain of this and there is nothing you can do except remember that good ol’ phrase…and this too shall pass.


Kids want them to stay together


Some kids want mom to get back together with their dad. Remember I was a bratty child whose parents were going through a divorce. When my mom told us, we were going to get a divorce I wondered why wasn’t I sad. My house was the Mexican Brady Bunch.

Mom was home cooking up a storm, my pap came home with his lunch box full of treats, no arguing, he would build things. I thought life was perfect, our house was the best, after the divorce poverty hit pretty bad. The perfect marriage died or maybe never was, I was a kid, they didn’t show it maybe. I wish they would have stayed together.

So when my loveless marriage wasn’t working, I didn’t want the same for my kids, I did everything I could to save my marriage. I was trying to save “my” childhood. At one point we did separate and my daughter came to me and upset told me that she was the only one in her class that parents were going through a divorce. That hit me hard. I have to save this marriage and I went back to my horrid marriage.
Now as adults my children tell me they wished that I would have left years ago so they wouldn’t have went through so much. Let me tell you, my kids went through a lot. I should have left sooner.
Children want their parents to live happily ever after but do they know everything, hopefully you have sheltered them from the adult problems.

As adults they will understand and they won’t come to you and say, why didn’t you leave sooner. It is better to live in a functional single parent home, than a two parent dysfunctional home….


sneaky kid


This is for moms of school age children. My kids are grown so I do feel for you. Not only are you probably having to raise your kids mostly by your own but you have some other factors that you must beware of. I am sensitive, I really am. Let’s go over them, ok.

See I know this cause I was a kid whose parents went through a divorce and I learned real quick moms and dads have something that gave me a whole lotta leverage, know what that is?


Oh the things I got away with, the things I would get bought for me, the places I would get to go. See kids are real smart. Now this is not to underplay what kids of divorced parents go through. This is a devastating time for everyone.

But there is a fine line and you have to put that radar up. Fine tune it cause those little whipper snappers are gonna try to get you I’m telling you…not all of them…but there are some boogars out there like I was.

If a child wants something you may very well say no and have a strong and rational reason for your child not to be able to have it. Let’s say Billy Bob wants Snoops new CD. You get in line to pay and you read on the song titles…Drop It Like It’s Hot? Doggystyle? Sexual Eruption…What the!!! Oh hell no!!! You change your mind. He rants and raves. Sorry you are not going to have Billy Bob listening to no bring yo fine azz booty shakin azz so I can bleep bleep the bleep bleep out of it by the Snoop Dog….Love ya much Snoop but it just ain’t for my 12 year old!

Well guess what! Week later you come home early and your house is bumping bumping to the tunes and who the tunes be from…yup it’s the dawg…Snoop Dog and yup he shore is rapping so loud! Oh my God the neighbors. You make a mad dive for the volume but not in time to catch , “…then pump your brakes, you hoes Bitch!” Honest it is a song! I actually looked up a Snoop song to make this story interesting and found one of the tamest songs…wowee! Anyways…

Yeah, you may have said no, but guess who he went to and he said yeah and even took him to get it cause he is feeling guilty over leaving his mom. Yup Dad!!!

Children WILL play parents against each other in a heart beat!

This is where the relationship between you and your ex better get right real good real fast…your parenting and your child is depending on it. Children need good stable AND CONSISTENT parenting. Yeah yeah you are hurting and he did this and that to you but hey this kid did not ask to be born a child is a product of his parents…so on the outside do some work on you so you can be the best you so you can be the best parent for your baby or babies! I leave you with a quote by a woman named Jane D. Hull, “At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success in life is the positive involvement of the parents.”