First Day at Divorce Support Group

I don’t know what I was expecting at this group, maybe heaps of humans slumped in their chairs unable to go on because the love of their life was divorcing them. Do I have grim thoughts or what because as we were starting this man grabbed the tissues and covered his face, and the therapist looked at him lovingly and asked if he was having a hard time today, he looked around with a smile and said, no no I have allergies today. I thought, darn…where are all the devastated people!!! Horrible aren’t I, I can’t help it my mother took me to see the Exorcist when I was five, so now I’m morbid, get over it. But anyways, everyone looked like they were well composed, sitting up, small welcoming smiles.

Turns out my experience was a good one. This is a good way to vent issues you are having, but what was good about it was that the other people in the group could chime in. Now get this…forget the confidentiality, you guys will never meet these people anyways.

There was one person who was kinda a sad sack and was complaining how her husband never talks to her. When she told us her story I got the picture very clearly. First of all she reminded me of this old New York lady, hadn’t colored her roots so half her hair was gray and the other black. But I envisioned her walking behind her poor old husband nag nag nag, in a whiney voice, telling him you never take me anywhere, why don’t you talk to me, talk to me. Cackle cackle cackle.

So we asked are you in the group because you want to leave him? She says in her whiney New York accent, why don’t he leave, I have no friends, I can’t do this alone, my kids just don’t pay no attention….and she was on again…Oh I think I went to outer space by then. So you don’t want to leave?, I do!, then leave, I can’t, so stay, I can’t take it anymore I want out, then leave, why don’t he…oh dear somebody shoot me…

As I sat there I was pondering, is this what I really need. The people that were here although composed, admitted they were still in love with their spouse and could not make that final step and do the divorce. I mean I know I have a lot of anger I am still holding onto and maybe that could be something I could look into, but I am very proud of myself because I was at a very different level than all of them.

But overall it turned out to be quite interesting to hear what other people are dealing with and I will be going for the remaining 7 sessions. Get his Hulk that still lives in side me outta there!!!

Divorce Support Group…


Divorce Support Groups

I have a confession to make, now everyone grab onto your seats cause this is a big one (the room silences in anticipation).
I am not Super Woman. I KNOW! Believe me I was just as surprised as all of you. So I am taking off my cape and hanging it in my closet and to…oh dear I don’t know if I could say this…I’m doing a…can I say it…d-d-d-d…hold on don’t rush me!
I’m doing a d-d…(tells myself like a band-aid real fast) I’m doing a divorce class! Whew!! I think I need a cigarette, that took a lot out of me.

So yeah, can you believe it? Me the one who has been claiming to have her shit together (sorry people I curse, get the Zest). Man it fought it tooth and nail but my doctor suggested it and I finally gave in.

I told my doctor, “Hey, Doc” (I don’t really call him Doc but it kinda sounds New York and makes it more interesting doesn’t it…back to the I tell him, “Hey, Doc, It’s not like I sit at my window sill lamenting over the sap, I am not hurting over him!”

Well regardless…supposedly…when it comes to stress and life events that are traumatic to us, divorce is up there with death. There may be underlying issues I should be working on. I thought maybe he is onto something because I would rather always work on me then take that pill…then I thought…hey by being in a group listening to other peoples divorce war stories, I could get more ideas for my blog!!!

So I said, “Ok Doc, Where do I sign-up..Woo Hoo!”

But on a serious not, stay tuned, for those who are thinking this may be something you would like to do that could help you if you are having issues, needing support…this does sound like a good idea.



How My Friends Helped Pull Me Through 3.1.13

Got to have your friends…Lets us talk about our friends here. Let me talk about your friends. Let me talk about my friends. Your friends, my friends, the friends out there waiting to be found are a girl’s best friend. Diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend, best friends are a girl’s best friend!! There she goes talking crazy again!

Ahhh! The angels in my life that were there to hear my woes, my wahs, my hollars, my snaps…these were my friends. They were there in my lowest of lows always there to catch me when I fell to dust me off, and help me stand back up ever reminding me how worthy I was, pumping me up.

There was a time when I pushed my friends not only to second priority but way back priority because my man had to be only priority. My schedule couldn’t be bothered with any friend gatherings because it had to be open for my man because he may just pop up with some wonderful idea and want to hang out with me, no such thing happened, I just wanted to be like a piece of gum on his shoe.

Lessoned learned…even if my marriage was a good one, I should have had me time. Time with the girls. Time building friendships with other women.

Today these women that I neglected were the women that have helped me through the rough times and have helped me realize there is so much life, so much to do even if you don’t have a man.

I suggest you form bonds with other women, this may be your existing friends, relatives, while taking classes or through support groups. Whatever way you do it, by golly do it Hell pretend you’re an alcoholic and go to AA meetings, just kidding but there are support groups for women going through breakups I am sure, CODA is for Codependents women…I’m just saying , not saying we are all codependant, hey if I could admit I am. If the gum on the shoe fits…

Like Julia Child’s husband said about her, she was the butter to his bread, my friends (and they know exactly who they are) they were also the butter to my bread. And that is not generic butter, its Land O’ Lakes Grade A real cream butter!

Maybe you are blind to their hand that is reaching out to you, take it, if you don’t want to, take it anyways. There came a point where they could tell ME all my wah wah stories so it was time to have fun and forget about what was dragging me down. One of fondest memories was a summer day we had good food, good conversations, just a bunch of good friends, good music, we took off our shoes in the cool grass and he day was a whirl blur of fun and we danced for hours. I probably lost 10 pound…Well I ate like 15 pounds of food so maybe not.

You heard the statistics right, for every 1 man there are 10 women!!! Can you find happiness if you are one of the chosen to not live on this Earth with a man? They say don’t let a man define your identity, find happiness without a man and so on. I have found so much happiness and so so much fun with my God sisters that are my friends. We cook, we see movies, we have parties we just do things together and in each others company we find joy and isn’t that what life is about? What ever brings you happiness continue to do whether it be a pet, a friend maybe it isn’t a man….

There may come a time when one of your friends will hit something devastating and everyone will come to their rescue. This is friendship. My friends are my God given sisters and I dedicate this blog to them and I thank them from the bottom of my heart for being there for me through every hard ship I had, not just this one, but through the ones I had through my marriage and yet there they were.

You heard the saying “Chicks before Dicks” boy oh boy does that ring true, take care of your girlfriends, cause they will take care of you!