When You Think Nobody Will Ever Compare to Your Ex


So you are back to dating, yet you find yourself comparing or looking for someone like your ex.

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There is a reason why you feel nobody measures up to your ex.
 
You are not quite ready to date.
 
What is the solution you ask? Good question!

Continue reading “When You Think Nobody Will Ever Compare to Your Ex”

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Accepting He Is Divorcing Me and Has Moved On

My blogs have stopped because I felt I was unworthy of giving empowering words. Things were easy when I thought he was missing me and oh well I have a boyfriend who shows me attention. Life is great, I’m great and this divorce thing is a piece of cake…

Then I kept getting dumped and the horror…I couldn’t find a stable guy, they had no jobs, were criminals, or just plain losers…and I’m amazing aren’t I?  Yet he was horrible and he had the girls tearing down his door.

I was alone, back at mom’s…and he settled down with someone.  I found her kicking back at the home we were supposed to raise our grandchildren in. She was pretty, was nice, had a career…AND WAS 15 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME!

Where’s Karma!

This is what we call needing to accept reality. As I had in the past, I am trying for the millionth time, to pick myself up and start all over again from scratch.
Situation: I felt humiliated, rejected, depressed because my husband dumped me and got a new young, woman.
Get control of yourself! This is only going to happen if I accept he moved on.

Start the process over:
    • Grieve: I know I did a lot of this. I am the “wah-wah” woman. I got this part down.
    • Realize: This is reality, I had to grasp that I was no longer his wife and he is his own person. People move on and isn’t that what I want for myself so why was I chastising him as a horrible human being. I know it is hard, but what if a man is placed in front of me and they say “Love him and spend the rest of your life with him.” But I couldn’t.

We can’t force ourselves to feel for somebody. Should he have to stay in a relationship where he just can’t love me? Is that not selfish of me? The reality is, it’s not his fault if he doesn’t have feelings for me.   

•  Have Patience: This hurt will not last forever. I must trust the process of life, happiness, sadness, tragedy and finally peace. But the process has needs active participation from me.

  • Forgive: I have to learn to forgive him and yup, that woman he is porking too. Yuck, it was hard, it is so very hard.
    • Accept: Acceptance is necessary, and at some point, I need not fight the past. It means seeing things clearly.

    Remember I am forgiving for myself, not for him. I never have to say the words to him. I am doing it as a healing practice so I can live and be happy again.

I need to always remember that I am in control of my happiness and it is none of my business anymore what he is doing, we are no longer together.

“One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, is to forgive.”
–Maya Angelou

COME ON PAIN!!! I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU!!!!

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COME ON PAIN!!! I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU!!!

In my life I have learned that you cannot make someone feel what you want them to feel for you.  I have also learned that when you don’t seem to get the message they can get mean and inhumane about you pursuing them.  Move on girls.  When they don’t want you they don’t want you.  Damn it hurts, but we have to cut that tie.  Just like that old cliche’ goes. They are just not into us anymore…

Continue reading “COME ON PAIN!!! I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU!!!!”

GOD IS STILL WORKING ON ME

god is till working on me

GOD IS STILL WORKING ON ME

To the single women out there, are you like me and your focus is where are all the single men.  Are you thinking you know what will make you whole again…a real nice man?  Really?  I am laying here thinking so very different little by little every day.  Don’t get me wrong I backslide a lot.  That loneliness is a mo fo.  Sitting in an apartment alone, is a mutha!  I get up off the couch… I go to the refridgerator… I look then, I close it… I walk in my bedroom and look in there…what am I looking for.  I go in the bathroom, do I need to go?  Not really.  What the hell I will go just a little just for something to do.  I have bought crafts that sit in the bag.  I leave and go get food and there it sits in the fridge because I really wasn’t hungry.

I don’t know what to do with myself because I am bored and don’t know what to do with myself.  But I picked up a book and started reading and started looking within and thought, do I really feel ready for a relationship?   I am bothered, it isn’t just about having someone to entertain me anymore, it is deeper than that.  There is something deep inside of me that is trying to tell me something about me.  Like a purpose maybe.  Like men need to not take my focus now.  But I won’t be able to truly grasp what it is because I am so focused on loneliness and whining that I can’t focus on this deeper meaning that I am supposed to be working on myself.  We all have a calling or purpose in this life.  Love is wonderful, romance is beautiful.  There is a reason a man has not shown up in my life now and I need to become aware of that and accept that as a part of a plan not a curse.  Men are not our universe, they are yummy frosting on the cake but they are not the cake…I need to focus on the cake…and so let me start working on finding what ingredients I need for my cake. Why am I looking for frosting when I don’t even have cake yet??? Right now  God is still working on me now…  and if I really get my stuff together…I may even be able to put a cherry on top…woo hoo bet that will be real yummy!!!

THROW THE PAST AWAY

let the past go…
this is a journey I was meant to have….

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Throw the Past Away

“I made the decision to move to a smaller place…much smaller”, let me repeat the most important part, “I made the decision…”  I am no longer a child.  Mother no longer tells me when to go to bed, what to eat, or where to live.  My daughter moved out of our two bedroom apartment and I found myself paying a lot of money for an apartment that I found myself just sleeping in.  It felt like I was throwing money in the wind.

So why is it that packing is such torment to me.  I start and watch television or pick up my Face Book or do something unnecessary.  I actually sat there and read an article on how to pack.  Come on Catalina, just stop thinking and do it!  Nobody can help me because nobody knows what I want to keep, give away or toss, the part of sorting belongs to me.  When it comes to moving will be when I need the help.

Guess what.  I found out something about myself.  I have accumulated a lot of nothing, of knick-knacks that were useful for one time.  Pink beads that I was going to blind a sweater with, I don’t even own a pink sweater.  Lots and lots and lots of Valentine day ribbon, Ok I have ribbons for the next 20 Valentine days.  Gee I have been single for 2 ½ years so far, this may last me a long time.

Could this move have been a unconscious plan that was necessary, because I was starting to live in clutter.  I am a shopaholic and will buy the silliest things. I spent $100 on Halloween decorations for my desk and now have 3 huge bins and need to find a place to store them and I have to downsize and supposed to be saving money.  What is wrong with me.

This move is a higher calling.  I am torn, I am emotional but this is necessary for me.  During this process I will be looking at my belongings and realize item by item…is this necessary in your life or is this something from your past that you need to let go because it has lost its purpose.  Let the past go.  Earrings that someone gave me that have no match that I can not wear ever but I hold on because why.  Why am I holding on to it.  I don’t know.  A bottle of champagne from my anniversary 8 years ago that my husband and I went to the Madonna in and my husband slept the time and neither of us drink.  We are no longer together.  Why am I holding on to this.  Do I hold on to pictures of he and I together:?  I don’t know.  I don’t know how to do any of this.  Am I a hoarder?  I know you can walk through my house and it isn’t a path you need a compass with and you don’t need giant bins to clear it out and there isn’t feces everywhere.

But this hurts to let go part of me as trivial as it sounds, what does this mean, I don’t know.  It means that this is a journey I was meant to have.  Out with the old.  Let go of it.  The past is the past and that one earring means nothing and that bottle of champagne does nothing but remind me of what a horrible anniversary I had.  It is time to throw out all those bad memories and start afresh.  Is that why I am finding dimes Oh Lord?  I am on the right path aren’t I?  Ok I will stop fighting this move and see this as a positive thing.  Today will be a productive day and tossing doesn’t mean tossing my soul, it is making room for much more experiences…  Tah Dah…  Marvelous how we can turn things around in our head just like that if we try!!!  Have a blessed day!!

BECOMING FRIENDS WITH MY EX AGAIN

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What does it mean that I miss you

I don’t want you back

I don’t want you as mine

 

But I miss you to talk to

And the exchange of our words

 

A funny thing happened

So I picked up the phone

 

Then I remembered I hated you

And put down the phone

 

You moved on and I was bitter

But not because it should be me

 

Why am I bitter then

This is just a whole mess

 

So I picked up the phone

Till I heard you answer hello

I said I miss you my friend

Why can’t we be friends

 

All along he was thinking

The same thing as me

 

We chatted for quite a bit

About this and a little of that

 

I laughed and I listened

Not to my husband or my love

but the father of my kids

 

Just as it was promised

If I forgave and prayed

My heart would be free

And so it is and so it is…

 

Freedom from anger

Freedom from pain

 

Now free to be friends

What a gift to my children!